My Favorite Mistake
by RitaRitaMargarita
Summary: Alice brings Bella home for Thanksgiving break to forget about her ex. After some drunken clubbing with the fam, Edward and Bella have a one night stand. AU, AH. Rated M for language and sexual themes. B/E.
1. Morning After

This is my first all human story. At first I was wary of them but I'm growing to like them more and more. Instead of doing actual work, this story popped into my head and I spent all night coming up with the first chapter. I hope you all like it and I'd love some feedback!

Edit: Thanks to **beella. **for pointing out my wardrobe error! Sorry; I'm no Alice!

Also, this isn't going to be a typical "Edward is a dog and player" story. It may seem so at first but I promise things aren't always as they seem…

* * *

I slowly opened my heavy eyelids to the too-bright bedroom. The nausea I felt and the pounding headache that was throbbing and spreading to the rest of my body reminded me of the vast quantity of liquor I'd consumed the previous evening. Trying not to move too suddenly, I shifted my legs beneath the bed covers. It was too much. I closed my eyes and took some deep, calming breaths in.

A clanging noise startled me and my eyes popped open, much more alert than they'd been just a few minutes before. Scanning the room for any trace of a madman or burglar, I became confused. Something was off… very off. And then it hit me.

This wasn't my bedroom. And I was naked.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I suppose I should start with the day Alice and I left the University for Thanksgiving break. The Cullen family had invited me over since I was practically family and I eagerly accepted; Renee was going to Fiji with Phil and Charlie was going over to his girlfriend's to spend time with her family. I was more than happy to spend some quality time with a normal family.

"Emmett just called," Alice said an hour before we got on the train. She walked into our bedroom wrapped around in a towel, running late per usual. I groaned, realizing it was going to take her at least an hour to get ready. She ignored me and continued on. "He wanted me to remind you to be extra clumsy today. He said it's been too long since he last saw you."

Alice's brother Emmett had gotten married that June to our good friend Rosalie. They spent the next two months vacationing in Africa so we unfortunately didn't get a chance to have a proper goodbye.

Still, I wasn't thrilled with his comment. "Why is he always picking on me about that? He knows how self-conscious I am about it!"

I cursed at my suitcase that refused to close. Alice walked over and waved my hand away, giving me a condescending look before rearranging a sweater and effortlessly closing the piece of crap.

"You're in a bad mood," Alice observed. "You know Emmett loves you and can't resist teasing you. He can't resist teasing _anybody_."

"I know, I know," I said, sighing as I plopped down on my bed.

A silence came over us as Alice put some lotion on and stood in front of her closet, inspecting each garment. I twiddled my thumbs, begging myself not to ask what I so desperately wanted to ask. Every now and then, Alice cast a glance in my direction as though she knew what was coming. I should have known; Alice knew me like no one else did. She knew of my sickening fascination with her brother, Edward. To my credit, it had certainly gotten better over the years. In high school I was practically reduced to a vegetable whenever standing in the same room as him. The summer before our first year in college, Alice and I hung out with Edward and his friends. We managed to form a casual friendship that lasted over the next two years. It certainly wasn't a close one; I hadn't spoken to him since August when we all went off to another year of school. I kept wondering if he was going to be at the dinner but I didn't want to ask. I didn't want Alice thinking I was obsessing again.

But it was only a matter of time before I broke down.

Alice was just slipping on a beautifully tailored pair of jeans as my mouth opened. "Is… Edward going to be there?"

She smirked at me as she gracefully wiggled into the snug pants. How can you look graceful _wiggling_? I scowled at her but she didn't pay attention.

"I would assume so. He hasn't missed one yet."

That was true. I knew how close they all were. Still, I'd never spent a Thanksgiving there.

"Oh," I said, fiddling with my hair. Smooth, Bella.

"Why?" Alice asked, delicately easing into a white satin blouse.

My eyes narrowed. She knew why. "Just wondering."

"Right," she said, picking up a necklace from her desk. "Could you put this on for me?"

I begrudgingly stood and took the necklace from her. My mind worked overtime as all the various scenarios of this dinner played out. Most were uneventful. Some were fantastic. Some were downright ridiculous. And then some were tragic. The other question I yearned to ask danced on my tongue, begging to be released. But I couldn't ask- it would be way too obvious. Alice would see right through it.

But… Alice knew how I felt about him, even after all these years. Okay, I didn't consider him to be a god anymore and I didn't fancy myself in love with him (technically, anyway) and I knew full well that he was incapable of any kind of significant relationship. But I was still interested in him. Who wasn't?

Alice giggled and I realized belatedly that I'd been standing with the necklace around Alice's neck, the clasp hanging in mid-air.

"Sorry," I muttered, hastily trying to snap the necklace together. Of course, clumsy old me dropped one side of the chain.

"Just ask it, Bella," she laughed.

"Ask what?" I tried to ask nonchalantly, but I think my voice shook anyway. She knew. Damn it.

She laughed harder. "He's not bringing anyone. At least to my knowledge. A few years ago there was a particularly dramatic and uncomfortable incident that resulted in Esme politely but firmly asking Edward to never, ever bring another one of his girlfriends back to the house. She said she only wanted to meet the woman Edward knew he was going to marry. As if that day will ever come." Alice snorted and then shifted impatiently. "Do you think you can put this on me sometime today, Bella? I still have to style my hair."

I quickly finished up and Alice skipped away to spend 45 minutes on her short hair. The girl amazed me.

47 minutes later we were on our way to Alice's town. It was a nice feeling. I hadn't seen the family in a while and I loved them as dearly as though they were related to me. I tried to keep my mind off all things Edward and instead decided to think of my ex-boyfriend Mike and all my revenge plots. Alice helped.

"Maybe you can spread a rumor," Alice offered.

"Nah," I said, shaking my head. "Not effectual enough."

"Hmm, maybe you can put Vaseline on the car-door handle."

I laughed. "I did that for April Fools' Day."

"Damn."

Mike, or the Bastard as I now referred to him as, had been my boyfriend since second semester last year. He was my first serious boyfriend and of course my first heartbreak. I walked into his dorm room on Halloween, after waiting four hours at a party he never showed up to, to find him in a not-so-innocent position with some bitch named Jessica. He didn't even look embarrassed or upset; he just mumbled something like "I should have locked the door…" Bastard.

"What about hiding an egg somewhere in his room?" Alice asked.

I shook my head. "Don't have the key anymore."

"His car?" she suggested.

That was a fairly good idea. "Worth consideration, though the Bastard treats that thing as though it were his dick or something. He locks it up mostly all the time."

"Oh, well, we'll think of something. We're not letting the Bastard get away with this." Alice went back to reading her magazine and I blared angry rocker chick music for the rest of the ride.

We drowsily stumbled off the train after falling asleep for the last hour of the trip. Carlisle was standing practically right there, of course, smiling broadly at the two of us. He practically pounced on Alice, laughing as he twirled her around like she was still a little girl. She giggled and hugged him tightly. He finally set her down and then repeated the action to me, though of course it was nowhere near as adorable.

"It's so good to see you, Bella!" he said, ruffling my hair. I smiled; I could tell he really meant it. So many people say that term as an empty, polite filler, but not Carlisle.

"Thanks, Carlisle. You, too."

"The two of you must be exhausted and starved. Let's get a move on."

Before I could blink, Alice was squealing and hopping up and down like a crazy person. I darted a look around to make sure no policeman were running our way.

"Jazz!" she screamed.

Turning around, I saw Jasper Hale running eagerly in our direction, barely dodging other people. I smiled, shaking my head. The two were the cutest couple I'd ever seen, and not in the nauseating way, either. They loved one another so much. You could feel it by just standing next to them.

"There you are," he breathed, finally pulling her into his arms and placing a tender kiss on the top of her hair. "I was going to wait in the car to surprise you but I couldn't." He looked over her shoulder and saw me standing there. "Hey, Bella!"

"Hey, Jasper," I grinned. He always made me feel happy whenever I was around him. Maybe it was because he was always smiling.

"When did you get back?"

"Edward and I got back about an hour ago. We heard Carlisle was leaving to come get you so we came along."

I gulped. Edward was here? Automatically I started scanning the area, looking for a particularly gorgeous, bronze-colored head.

"Well we better go before Edward ends up driving away and leaving us all here." Carlisle took my suitcase and walked away swiftly, Alice and Jasper following behind. I practically had to run to keep up with energetic trio.

Edward was in the car. Of course. Why would he feel any need or urge to be waiting for us? He loved Alice, to be sure, but he didn't have that compulsion that Jasper did to see her, naturally. And he sure as hell didn't have it for me.

The familiar silver car sat out front. He usually drove a silver car, no matter what car it actually was. I had a limited knowledge of cars; all I knew was that this one was sporty.

Carlisle piled our suitcases into the trunk as Alice and Jasper crawled into the backseat. I inwardly groaned, realizing that I was going to be next to them practically having sex for a good twenty minutes. I couldn't wait to lay down in one of Esme's comfy beds and take a much need nap.

I took a step to get into the car but Carlisle beat me, effortlessly sliding into the backseat. I blinked and then panicked. There was no way I could sit in the front with Edward.

I hunched over to peer in, temporarily distracted by the god that is Edward. Shit. I promised I wouldn't think of him as a deity anymore. He was watching Alice and Jasper sucking face with a look of repulsion. Sighing, I looked back at Carlisle.

"You don't have to sit back there, Carlisle."

"It's fine," he assured me, winking. "Besides, someone better keep an eye on these two."

"Please do," Edward moaned. I involuntarily sucked in a breath at his voice. Stop it, Bella! Be good!

"Being good" got shot to shit when he looked over at me, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Am I driving you, Bella, or are you planning on standing here all day?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, falling into the low car as gracelessly as possible.

Edward chuckled and changed gears, saying something like "You haven't changed" under his breath.

When Alice came up for air a second later, she asked, "So what girl are you dating now, oh brother of mine?"

He opened his mouth to answer but Carlisle beat him to it. "You should revise that to girl_s_, Alice."

Everyone laughed. Mine was forced, of course. It appeared Edward hadn't changed, either.

"So…?" Alice prompted.

"He just broke up with a girl named Tanya," Jasper laughed, a joke evidently in there somewhere.

Edward scowled. "Is anyone going to let _me_ answer?"

"Tanya?" Alice asked. "_Tanya?!_ You went out with a girl named _Tanya_? I thought you had better taste than that, Eddie!"

"You should've seen her, Al," Jasper said, now cracking up to the point he was barely coherent.

Alice shook her head. "I can only imagine. Well, I guess it's comforting that _some _things never change. Edward's still a slut so I guess hell hasn't frozen over yet."

"I'm not a slut!" Edward looked almost horrified. I giggled at his expression but sobered up pretty quickly when he shot me a death glare. "You think I'm a slut, Bella?"

"Edward, honey," Alice sang, "everybody thinks you're a slut. Even Bella."

Edward just clenched his jaw and kept on driving. He was silent for the rest of the ride.

A while later, we finally pulled up to the house I now considered home. It was just so cozy-looking. Esme still had some pumpkins outside. Candles and the warm glow of the lights on inside shone through the windows, reflecting off the white of the house. It made it all look more inviting than usual.

Transfixed with the house, I didn't even notice Edward grabbing my bag.

"Oh, you don't have to!" I called out after him. It was futile; he was practically to the front door already.

Alice came up next to me. "Tanya!" she scoffed, shaking her head. "When is that brother of mine ever going to grow up?"

I forced a smile and shrugged, following her inside. Esme stood at the doorway, grinning and looking so beautiful and incandescently happy that I wanted to take her picture. She embraced her daughter fiercely and whispered "I missed you" into her ear. The sight made something in my chest tug. Renee never greeted me like that; she usually tapped my nose and said something about my weight, regardless of the fact I'd actually gained or lost anything. It was just her way of saying "hello again".

"I put your bag in your room," a velvet voice said lowly into my ear. My shoulder rose in response to the almost delicious feeling.

Slowly I turned my head to meet his indescribably beautiful eyes. "Thanks." Ever eloquent as ever, Bella.

"Bella!" Esme cried, rushing over to hug me as fiercely as she'd hugged Alice. She stepped back and cupped my face lovingly. "I've missed you dearly! You have to tell me everything about your semester."

"Don't forget to tell her about the Bastard," Alice reminded, twining her arm around Jasper's.

"Alice, watch the mouth!" Esme scolded.

"Mom, if you knew him, you'd be calling him that, too. I never liked him."

"Who is this?" Edward asked, gazing intently at Alice with an expression I couldn't comprehend.

Alice shrugged. "Let Bella tell it. She makes it out to be funny, even though it really isn't."

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

"Don't be so nosey," Carlisle laughed, throwing his arm around Esme.

I suddenly felt very lonely. "Yeah," I said, attempting a laugh that came out incredibly fake, "I think it's more of a dinner table story, anyway." I shifted on my feet and kept my eyes carefully focused on the stairs.

Esme got the hint. "Maybe you girls want to unpack."

I nodded. "That's probably a good idea. If I don't do it now I never will."

"I'll do it later," Alice said, her eyes fixed on Jasper's. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

I smiled and lazily made my way upstairs. I walked down the long hall and turned to my right; sure enough, my usual room was made up just for me. Esme told me once that she always kept it like this because I was a part of the family. I think I actually cried at that.

Humming to myself some silly tune, I attempted to open up my suitcase. It wouldn't open. Typical. I tried various positions and techniques but it wouldn't budge.

Laughter made my head snap up and sure enough my perpetual tormentor stood in the doorway.

"Having trouble?" Emmett asked innocently, his head turned to the side. His mouth twitched, desperate to turn up at the sides. Admirably, he managed to keep a straight face. That was some feat for Emmett.

"Hello, Emmett," I said flatly, ignoring the question. "Where's Rose?"

"At the store," he said, coming into the room and wordlessly opening up the suitcase.

"Figures," I muttered.

"How are things going for my favorite hot mess?"

Ugh. I forgot he liked to call me that nowadays. Damn Rosalie for making him watch Project Runway with her!

"Perfect." I glared at him. I was sure that Rosalie told him all about the Bastard. I only wondered how he'd managed not to tell Edward or the rest of the family.

"How are the guys treating you?" He looked too innocent.

I groaned. "She told you."

"Duh. We're talking about Rosalie, here."

I shook my head.

"Are you okay, pooh bear?" he asked grinning. He may have been teasing but he really meant it. That's why I loved him to death.

"I will be."

He whistled and played with a figurine on the dresser. "You have the worst luck with men."

"I know," I muttered miserably, plopping down onto the bed. "At least I've learned some valuable lessons: never date a musician, a recovering addict of any kind, anyone Alice tries to set me up with, anyone who knows more about fashion that I do, notable players, those with strange eating habits… The list can go on and on."

"Strange eating habits?" he asked.

"Alice never told you this? I went out with a guy once who ate every pea piece of lettuce individually."

"Like the Seinfeld episode?!" Emmett boomed. He was already uproariously laughing.

"Exactly." I giggled along; I could acknowledge the humor in that.

"Emmett, Bella- dinner!" Alice screeched from downstairs.

Emmett shook his head. "For such a small thing, it's amazing she can scream so loud."

Rosalie was downstairs when we got there. I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. I'd certainly missed her. She was a necessary buffer for me with Alice, sometimes.

"You look nice," she told me, appraising me up and down. "Your hair needs to be cut, though."

"When I can afford it," I snickered.

Alice, the brat, purposely arranged things so I sat across from Edward. Not only did I have to worry about being noticeably distracted by him, but I also had to deal with the fact that he'd be able to see me eat. It wasn't that I had no table manners or anything. It was just that I had a propensity to make myself look stupid, regardless of the circumstances. It was more than likely that I was going to drop some roast beef onto my lap or accidently speak with my mouth open and look on in horror as a flap of food falls out. I shuddered at the thought.

"Are you cold?" I looked up and saw Edward watching me. I shivered again.

"Not really. I just got a weird chill."

He only nodded. He probably knew about his effect on me! Ugh!

"So, Bella," Esme said, tossing some potatoes onto my plate, "why don't you tell us how you're studies are going?"

"Bella's been offered a winter internship in London!" Alice bellowed out. She belatedly slapped her hands to her mouth and looked over at me apologetically.

"It's okay," I chuckled. "You're more excited about it than I am, anyway."

"You don't want to go?" Edward asked curiously.

Shit. I was going to have to look at him.

I ignored the fire raging in my belly when my eyes met his and answered. "It's not that. You know how Alice always manages to be more excited than you about anything. You could get your dream job and she'd still manage to out-do you in the joy department."

He cracked his breathtaking smile. I don't know how I didn't faint. I think I heard a rumor once in high school that a girl fainted when he smiled at her. Wait a minute… _Oh my God!_ What if that was me and I blocked it out?! That's something I would totally do! I would-

"So tell us about the… _Bastard,_ Bella." I glanced at Edward and saw him smirk at me before taking a greedy bite of roast beef.

"Yeah, tell everybody!" Rosalie cheered. She got a bigger kick out of it than Alice. It had happened to her once before, too, so I was consoled somewhat by that. After all, Rose was the most gorgeous woman in the world. If it could happen to her it could happen to anybody.

Of course I had just taken a gigantic bite of bread due to the panic I had over the possible fainting in high school. I rushed to chew the piece so I could answer but it refused to go down.

Finally, I managed to gulp it down and looked over at Alice, smiling at her triumphantly. She grinned wickedly back; she loved when I choked on food.

"Bella?" Edward brought me back to the nasty tale I had to tell.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell it, Alice?"

Emmett snorted. "It probably would be better. You know she's going to interrupt you at least a thousand times to offer her version of things."

"Shut up!" She smacked him on his arm and he actually grimaced. Go Alice!

"If you're uncomfortable, sweetie, you don't have to tell us," Esme said comfortingly, ignoring the antics of her children.

I blushed. "I don't mean to be dramatic about it. I don't mind talking about it; I just think Alice and Rosalie might have made this out to be a bit more entertaining than it is."

"It's definitely entertaining," Jasper smirked.

"Definitely," Emmett agreed, chuckling under his breath.

"Wait a minute," Edward interrupted, sounding almost agitated. "You all knew about this?"

Rose stared back at him with an unfathomable expression. Everyone else shrugged and ignored the question, instead looking at me to begin. I cleared my throat and took a sip of water to prepare myself for the tale.

"There's not much to tell. You guys remember Mike, I'm sure… I brought him over during the summer."

"_That_ loser?" Edward snorted. "Now I get why you call him the Bastard."

"You don't even know!" Alice laughed.

"Anyway... on Halloween he harassed me to go to dress up and go to some stupid party. I went and-"

"What did you dress up as?" Emmett interrupted. I glared at him.

"Snow White," Alice said hastily.

"Anyway," I said, aggravated, "I went and waited around for four hours but he didn't show. I kept calling his cell but he wouldn't answer and I got worried. That was so unlike him… he wouldn't just leave me there…" I trailed off, thinking about all the times he called to make sure I was safe and sound. The thought depressed me. I hurried on with the story, desperate to get the memory out of my head. "So I decided to go over to his apartment. I knocked a couple of times but there was no answer so I panicked and used the key to get in. I heard… noises… and rushed into his bedroom, thinking he was getting murdered or something." Alice broke out into a fit of giggles. She remembered, I guess, how I used to tell her he sounded like a ferocious, rabid animal during sex. That night it was the worst I'd ever heard it. "I walked in to find him with some girl I'd seen once before. His lab partner, I think, and also his best friend's girlfriend. I think they're dating now."

"You forgot the best part!" Rosalie screamed.

"Yeah, tell them what he was dressed up as!" Alice squealed.

I glared at them and took a deep breath. I muttered it under my breath but everyone said "what was that?" at the same time. Their voices started getting louder, everyone begging to be told.

"Pinocchio!" I yelled, clenching my eyes shut in exasperation.

Everyone erupted into laughter, even Edward.

"So what happened next?" Edward choked out in between his laughter.

"I stomped out and made Alice go get me ice cream."

"No great revenge?" Edward asked in disbelief.

Alice cackled wickedly. "Oh, we're working on it. Trust me."

"Too bad you didn't take a picture…" Emmett said dreamily. I'm sure he was thinking of how much funnier it would have been if he could have seen it, rather than it serving as a revenge tool.

I smiled faintly with everyone and joined in the conversation here and there but the story had certainly depressed me. As much as I tried to laugh it off and devise my _Mission: Destroy the Bastard_ plan, it still hurt. I really had loved him. Flashes of all the good times of our relationship kept coming to mind and each one was as painful as the last.

At the end of the meal, I guess Rose and Alice noticed my somber mood and pounced on me.

"Get dressed up," Alice said.

"Preferably in something sexy," Rose added.

"What are you two up to?" I asked wearily.

"We're going to a club," Rose said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"The hell you are!" Emmett called out from the living room.

Rosalie sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're coming, too, fool."

"Can I come, too?" Jasper whispered into Alice's ear. He knew the answer already.

"Count me in," Edward piped in, coming out of nowhere.

Everyone but me groaned.

"You're such a pain in the ass when we go out!" Emmett whined.

Edward feigned a hurt look. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You complain the whole night that you're not having a good time, then you get completely wasted, and then you vanish with some trampy-looking girl and don't resurface until late afternoon the next day. We all end up worrying about you the whole night," Jasper said.

Edward chuckled. "I'm coming, regardless. Bella needs a chaperone."

I almost choked. "Me?!"

He grinned mischievously at me. "You're not used to clubbing. Your kind gets taken advantage of."

"Yeah, by people like _you_," Rosalie muttered under her breath. Edward heard and shot razor blades in her direction.

"For your information," Alice said smugly, stepping between me and him, "Bella and I go clubbing all the time."

"Is that a fact?" Edward questioned with one eyebrow up in disbelief. He smiled crookedly, one side of his mouth curved up perfectly. "I don't think Jasper was aware of that."

"It's cool, dude," Jasper said. "Alice wouldn't cheat on me."

Edward just shook his head. "I'm coming," he said firmly.

Everyone sighed collectively, resigned.

We went to a club I'd never been to before. It was called "The Rat". Emmett joking added "Bastard" to it. It looked grungy and dark from the outside and once we entered, my first impression didn't disappoint.

We migrated over to the bar and drank for a while, laughing over memories and catching up. After a few shots and a couple of fruity mixed drinks, that are notoriously deadly, I was feeling a hell of a lot better. And I uncharacteristically felt like dancing.

Emmett howled at my moves, finding delight in the fact that I was just as uncoordinated on the dance floor as I was in every day life. My out of control inebriation didn't help matters.

Edward unexpectedly came up behind me at one point, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me snugly into his body. I gasped at the contact; his body was hard and unrelenting. Desire coursed through me like an uncontrolled flood. I hated that he had this effect on me but I wouldn't let him let go for the world. He smelled delicious, like always. He leaned down slightly and blew into my ear.

"You look beautiful tonight. My sisters did a number on you."

I blushed. Alice and Rosalie had forced me into a skimpy red dress that I normally wouldn't have been caught dead wearing. They referred to it as the "anti-Bastard" suit of armor. Honestly, these Bastard references were getting out of hand. Alice teased my hair into official sex hair as Rosalie expertly applied my makeup. The finished product was me looking totally unlike me; that was a good thing at that point.

Since I looked… well… kind of slutty, and Edward himself was pretty intoxicated, I explained his sudden clinginess away as harmless flirting. How naïve.

"Thanks," I mumbled back, a good two minutes after he complimented me.

"You smell… intoxicating," he whispered into my neck. Of course I had to go and shudder. He liked that. I could tell. "I want to eat you… gobble you down. Fuck the turkey tomorrow."

I snorted at his lame joke. "Smooth."

He jerked me around so that the front of my body was pressed to his. "You making fun of me?" His eyes dazzled in the reflecting lights of the club. I was momentarily dazed and slightly stumbled. He laughed and let go of me. "Maybe you should go get a glass of water."

"Maybe," I said distractedly. Somehow I made my way over to the bar and asked for a glass of water. The bartender eyed me like he was afraid I was going to barf any minute.

Sipping my water, I scanned the dance floor. Where had Edward gone? And then I spotted him all too soon.

He was swaying in the corner with some blonde skank who looked as though she were permanently attached to his pelvic region. She was unashamedly grinding into him and moaning so loud I could practically hear her over the thumping beats.

Shock and hurt came over me, as irrational as it may seem (I blame the alcohol, mostly). I had no claim over him. I hadn't even spoken to him since the summer. But for some reason, it really stuck home at that moment; I loved him. It wasn't ever just going to go away because I wanted it to. I fell in love with him from the first moment I laid eyes on him when Alice brought me over one day after school in our freshman year of high school. I wondered for a second if I was so hopeless in love because I was destined to be with him. I snorted at that thought, however, when Edward seductively leant down to plant a very luscious-looking kiss on her lips. It didn't help that she was beautiful. He whispered something in her ear and they walked off somewhere together. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

I spun around and demanded a tequila shot from the bartender.

Mistake number one.

As I polished off my second tequila shot, Alice appeared next to me. "You look fairly smashed," she told me, amusement clear in her voice.

"Shush," I said, clumsily putting down the shot glass.

"I saw you dancing with Edward."

"Pfft." I tossed my arms around in some foreign gesture. I was beyond words, I guess. All that came out were sound effects.

"Look, I don't know if I should tell you this but I figure it's better if I tell you rather than you turn and see it. Over there by the wall-"

"Edward and that slut are fucking, I know!" I yelled, shocking everyone around me.

"No! I don't know how to tell you this… Mike and Jessica are over there."

You know how in books and in movies when main characters' jaws "drop open"? It's become an expression these days, but when you truly experience something as unbelievable as that, it legitimately happens.

"I forgot Jessica lived by me," Alice said, biting her lower lip as though it were her fault.

"Shush," I said, attempting to put a finger on her lips but poking her nose instead. "Let bygones be bygones." That expression had no relation to what was going on, and I was certainly not over what happened.

She just shook her head at me. "Why don't you come dance with me and Jasper?"

"I think I'll just… just hang out here a while."

"I'll come back and check up on you… Don't drink too much more, okay?"

I nodded. After she left, I peeked at where she said the Bastard duo was. I nearly puked at the sight. They were all but screwing against the wall. I felt like complaining so that they'd get thrown out. What were the chances? Of all the nights, of all the towns, of all the clubs… why HERE?

Before the grey clouds of despair could once again descend upon me, I spun on my stool again and demanded a shot of vodka.

Mistake number two.

I don't know how many vodka shots I had but by the time I realized Edward was suddenly sitting next to me, I barely remembered my own name.

"Hello there," he chuckled.

I just nodded.

"Having a good night?"

Another nod.

"Any guys try to pick you up?"

I shook my head.

"Are you so drunk you can no longer talk?"

Nod.

"Well I guess I better take you home… My apartment's not too far from here. Do you want to crash there for the night?" Nod. "Okay, then." I could hear him smiling. "How about another shot for the road? What would you like?"

The bartender amazingly appeared before me and I spoke before giving it a second thought. "I'll have a shot of Jameson."

Mistake number three.

Which brings us to the present: mainly being me, naked, in Edward's bed. I didn't need a verbal affirmation that we did it.

I groaned and tried to stand but my body refused to obey. All I knew was I had to get out of there and fast. I finally noted that the shower was on just as it turned off.

Shit!

Ignoring my body's protests and the increasing threat of vomiting all over his plush white carpet, I jumped up and quickly tried to find all of my clothes. My bra hung on his lamp. My now-wrinkled dress was hanging on his curtain rod. I smiled at that one, even though the situation was hardly humorous. Now all I had to find were my underwear and shoes. One shoe was in the bed. The other I found in the hallway. My underwear was nowhere to be found. I dashed back to his bedroom to take one more quick look around just as his bathroom door opened.

"Good morning," a familiar velvet voice hummed.

Double shit!

Slowly, I turned and saw the splendor of the god also known as Edward. Somehow, I managed to squeak out a good morning.

Judging from his somewhat uncomfortable expression, I knew that this morning was going to be anything _but_ good.


	2. Band Practice in Hell

Okay, this is a long ass chapter because I wanted to get a lot of the introductory stuff out of the way. Some of this might be a little disjointed, but I hope it all makes sense. Please give me some feedback; I'd love to hear it.

* * *

Edward walked back into his room. I couldn't help but admire the view of his hard, dripping body as I followed. He glided over to his dresser and without another word, ripped off his towel. Speechless and inexplicably embarrassed, I spun around so fast I almost fell. His beautiful mocking laughter erupted from behind me.

"Relax, Bella," he said in a patronizing laugh. I heard the distinct rustling of fabric against flesh and swallowed. My thighs felt like they were on fire. "I'm in boxers now so you can turn around."

Slowly and reluctantly, my body turned to meet his unnaturally beautiful eyes. He smirked at me and held my gaze as he elegantly slipped into his jeans. As he zipped them up, the intimate sound sending goosebumps up my flesh, his eyes smoldered at me.

"Well," he said finally, "it seems we have a lot to talk about." He took a few steps out into the hallway.

I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he started making a pot of coffee.

"How do you feel?" he asked with concern.

I blinked at him.

"Are you hungover…?" he clarified. I blushed, feeling incredibly stupid.

"Kind of." I was always one for brilliant answers. You'd never know I was an English major.

"Would you like me to call you a cab? I'd drive you but I have band practice."

I resisted the urge to swoon; Edward, Jasper, and our friend Angela's boyfriend Ben, along with some other kid I'd never met, were all in a band called Racing Twilight. Edward was pre-med at school but I was always waiting for the day for him to just drop out and pursue the music career head-on. He loved it so much. You could tell whenever he was up on stage; he was in his element, then.

"On Thanksgiving?" I asked with a smile.

"Our new band member is hardcore."

"A cab is fine," I rasped out. I stared at him, fascinated with his every movement, as he called the cap company as he made toast.

"Five minutes," he said to me when he got off.

I groaned and rested my head on the cool counter-top, wishing with every fiber of my being that he wasn't going to try to talk to me about last night.

He silently placed a steaming cup of coffee before me and I looked up gratefully. I was pouring the milk in when he started.

"I'm sorry about last night, Bella..."

My wrist involuntarily flung to the side, officially spilling about two-thirds of the milk outside of the container. "Shit! I'm sorry."

He only chuckled as he swiftly put some paper towels on the mess. He looked up at me again, his eyes and expression somber. "I took advantage of you."

I couldn't help but smile at him. "No you didn't, Edward. I'm a big girl."

"A big girl who was absolutely wasted," he said with a smile. It didn't reach his eyes. I could tell he felt guilty, and probably unbelievably remorseful. Now I started feeling guilty… I probably jumped on him like some horny dog.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly, envisioning myself with a collar and fur, panting on an uncomfortable Edward's leg. "I was so drunk and so… emotional. I probably took advantage of you."

He laughed at that but his eyes were still fierce. "There's no excuse for what I did. I was definitely drunk but lucid; you were not. It was a terrible, horrible mistake."

I already figured he was regretting making love to me but his last statement succeeded in making me feel absolutely sick. I felt the blood rush out of my face and my legs shake unsteadily below me. It was almost like someone had punched me, hard, in the stomach while simultaneously pouring tequila down my throat. It was not a nice feeling. Edward noticed the change immediately.

"Are you feeling all right, Bella?" he asked, eyeing me like I was about to blow chunks on his beautifully polished counter-top.

I just nodded; I knew how pitiful I would've sounded lying to him. "I think I should go. For the record, I don't blame you, Edward, and I don't really regret last night. I don't even remember it so why don't we just pretend this never happened?"

He looked relieved. "Thank you, Bella. I was so afraid you'd hate me now… and also that you'd get the wrong idea. You're a wonderful, beautiful girl but you're my sister's best friend and I just got out of a relationship and things aren't officially over between us, anyway."

He looked over my shoulder for a moment before meeting my eyes again. He forced a smile and reached out a hand for me to shake. I reluctantly placed mine in his and prayed that I wouldn't react to the charge I knew I'd feel. I gasped anyway but either Edward didn't hear it or he pretended not to.

"Thanks for taking care of me," I mumbled, hopping off his stool and grabbing my purse.

"It was my pleasure," he grinned. He started to laugh as a very distinct blush broke out over my cheeks and neck. "You're too cute, Bella."

I just smiled and started to walk out. As I reached out for the doorknob, Edward called my name.

I turned and saw him standing a few feet behind me. "You're not going to tell Alice, are you?" He looked truly terrified.

I swallowed down the bile I could feel rising in my throat and forced a painful smile. "No."

He smiled back and exhaled with relief. "You're the best."

The cab honked then, thankfully,and I scurried out. I couldn't wait to get home and break down.

* * *

Not too long afterwards, I was pulling up the fancy Cullen driveway. I handed the cabbie his fare and hopped out, desperate to shower before I encountered Alice. I didn't want to wash off Edward's scent from my body but I couldn't stand the smell at the same time; it was forbidden to me now, just as it always was.

I thanked all the powers that be when I saw Alice sleeping in her room, completely knocked out. Quickly I showered and dressed, giving myself a once-over in the mirror. I didn't look too terrible. That was amazing considering how I was feeling inside.

I picked up one of my text books and started reading in the living room but I just couldn't focus. This morning was playing over and over in my head. Then the flashbacks started.

_Edward, pinning me against the wall and grinning at my feminine yelp._

_Edward, smiling between my knees._

_Edward, nibbling on the tender flesh of my neck._

_Edward, moaning when I touched him._

I couldn't remember every detail, but I certainly could remember the sensations. Startled, I felt something trickle down my cheek. With a shaking hand, I wiped a tear trickling down my cheek. It was only a matter of minutes until I had my melt-down.

Deciding it was best to chat about it with a good friend, a good friend who _wasn't_ Alice, I grabbed my cell and ran out into the sprawling backyard. I desperately wished that Alice and Edward weren't siblings; I was sure she would be able to give me the best advice and make me feel somewhat better right away. But, life was cruel.

I dialed up my good friend, Angela, instead and impatiently paced as the phone rang on and on. Finally, a raspy voice answered.

"Bella?"

"Angela, I need to talk to you."

"What time is it?" she moaned.

I looked down at my watch and felt a pang of guilt. It was only 8AM on Thanksgiving morning. My bad.

"8. Sorry."

I could hear her sitting up in bed, the sheets rustling around her. "That's okay," she yawned. "I can tell you're upset about something."

"You can't tell Alice," I said in a low voice.

"Okay," she said simply. Angela really was such a good friend.

"I slept with Edward," I whispered.

I was met with only silence. For a moment, I thought that she hadn't heard me or that the call had disconnected. Then, I heard her shriek.

"WHAT?!"

"I know, I know!" I shouted, forgetting for a moment that it was early and that I didn't want to wake Alice up. "It was an accident!"

"Start from the beginning," Angela demanded, sounding much more alert.

I sighed. "I was feeling down about Mike so everybody decided to take me out. Mike was there with Jessica and I just had too much to drink. Edward did, too. One thing lead to another… I don't even remember it."

"Wow," Angela whispered, clearly in awe, "you've waited forever to have sex with Edward and you can't even remember it when the time actually comes."

"Believe me, that's the least of my worries right now." I paused, thinking about it for a second. "Though that's way up there. That really sucks."

"So did the two of you talk about it?"

I clenched my eyes shut, wishing that the terrible morning would go away. "Yes."

Angela didn't press for any more details. "Do you want to come over to my place tonight? I can imagine tonight's going to be majorly awkward for you."

"Shit! I didn't even think about that!" My stomach churned. "I think he might bring his girlfriend."

"He has a girlfriend?!" Angela squeaked.

"Well, they broke up but he mentioned something like they're not officially over this morning." I contemplated Angela's offer for a moment and, though it was immensely tempting, I couldn't do it. It would be too suspicious. "Thanks for offering to let me come over but I'm thinking it's probably best if I just deal."

"Are you going to tell Alice?" she asked softly.

"He doesn't want me to."

"Wow, Bella… I just can't wrap my head around this."

I snorted. "Me either. I have never felt so stupid… so ridiculous… so horrible before. I don't know what to do."

I heard the patio door open and turned to see Alice walking over to me. "Shit," I whispered, "I gotta go. Alice is coming over here."

"Good luck, Bella," Angela said before I hung up. I was certainly going to need some of that. Too bad I never had much to start with.

"Morning!" I said, feigning perkiness. I really was the worst actress. I was actually terrified that she was going to ask me where I ended up last night. Maybe she didn't realize I never came home.

Alice eyed me strangely before plopping into a chair. "Everything hurts," she moaned. "Make it stop!"

"Sorry," I said sympathetically. Luckily for me, I faced bigger problems than an hangover this morning. Somehow my headache and the nausea faded into the background of all that.

She looked back up at me. "How come _you_ aren't sick?" she asked petulantly.

I shrugged. "Lucky, I guess."

"To make everything worse, Jasper begged me to come to band practice today. They're meeting in an hour, bella. Four guys are meeting at 9:15AM, Thanksgiving morning… the morning after the most infamous partying night of the year. What's wrong with them?"

Esme padded out, handing her daughter a cup of tea. "This will help, dear." She looked over at me and grinned. "You feeling okay, Bella?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Esme always put me at ease but… well… now I'd fucked her son. Her son, who I also happened to worship. This all made the situation a tiny bit awkward.

"Fine," I choked out. She looked at me for a moment before excusing herself to garden.

"I wish I could see Renee garden one day," I laughed. "She'd probably be too busy running from all the bees and checking to make sure her hat was covering her face."

Alice even cracked a smile at that. We sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the quiet morning.

"So, Bella…" Alice began in her best baby voice. My eyes narrowed. This was the voice Alice reserved for whenever she wanted to ask you a monumental favor. This couldn't be good. You could fight her until she turned blue; Alice never lost. "I was thinking that, since you don't have anything to do today and I've been forced to attend this horrible band practice, you should come with me to Edward's!"

I nearly had a panic attack. There was no way in hell I was going there.

"I don't think so, I'm really not feeling so fabulous right now. Maybe I'll take a nap."

She was silent but I knew she plotting something else.

"Don't you want to see Edward shirtless? He practices shirtless, you know."

I sighed. I'd seen more than Edward's chest, even if I couldn't remember it. "No, I didn't know that Alice and no, I don't care about that."

"Who are you kidding, Bella?"

I said nothing. I just waited for the third and final round, the round I usually lost. I steeled myself as best as I could.

Alice started sniffling on cue and looked over at me with the most tragic expression.

_It's just pretend, Bella,_ I told myself. _She just wants you to come!_

"Please come with me, Bella. I hate going to see them play. It's so boring and Jasper barely talks to me. I just sit there and endure Edward's terrible jokes all day. I really wanted to spend time with you today… Please, Bella?"

She stood now, her lower lip protruding in the cutest expression ever. I was so lucky I wasn't a guy; I'd be even more whipped than I was already. I had a temporarily feeling of pity for Jasper.

"No."

But I knew I didn't sound as firm as I had before. A flicker of triumph danced in Alice's eyes before she liquefied them into pools of sorrow again.

"Please, Bella? Please…? Pretty, _pretty_, pretty please? Come on, Bella, please? I won't make you come shopping with me for a week. _Please_. Please!"

I sighed, knowing it was a lost cause. I was just happy that she wasn't interrogating me on my whereabouts the night before. "I want that in writing."

She jumped and screamed out with joy, clapping her tiny hands together. I watched as she did a victory dance, amused that just like that her hangover had disappeared.

"Okay," she said, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me inside, "let's get you dressed!"

"But I am dressed, Alice!" I whined.

She paused and looked back at me, her eyes showing how much she detested my outfit. "That's not dressed. That's punished. You've punished your body."

"Ha ha," I said, rolling my eyes.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Alice had picked out one of her dresses for me. It was white and made of light material; she placed a beautiful beige sweater on top and slipped me into beige boots.

"I feel ridiculous," I scowled as we climbed out of the cab in front of Edward's apartment. "I look like I'm going out to a fancy dinner instead of watching some stupid band practice. And it's November… I'm in a dress and it's November."

Alice laughed at me. "You're wearing a sweater!"

I glared back. "That doesn't help. I'm freezing!"

Rolling her eyes, she grabbed my arm and pulled me along. "We're not going to be outside all day, Bella. And I'm wearing a dress, too."

Her dress was purple and made of a slightly more appropriate material. At least it was more suitable for the weather.

I sulked as she rang the doorbell. Jasper opened the door and grinned at us. Alice squealed and jumped into his arms, pecking him with little kisses all over his face. I stood there awkwardly until Alice finally remembered my existence and brought me into the apartment.

I looked around anxiously for Edward, terrified and desperate to see him at the same time. Alice and I plopped down on the couch and smiled at Ben who was tuning his guitar.

"I'm going to see Angela tonight," he told us, smiling.

"Good," Alice laughed back. "Please take care of her… she's been stressing about tests all semester. She needs a break."

Edward came in through the front door holding coffees. His eyes met mine but he didn't react to me being there. It was almost as though he'd expected it.

"Hi, girls," he said casually, walking over to his guitar and adjusting the strings.

"Where is this new kid I've been hearing so much about? Jazz says no one plays the electric guitar like him."

Edward nodded but I could tell that something about that statement bothered him. For a moment, he looked almost agitated but then his face broke out in a beautiful smile. "He's great. Late all the time, but a great guitarist."

Jasper sat down at the drums and flipped open his phone. "He just texted me. He's a half hour late. He says start without him."

Edward groaned but nodded.

"What's his name?" Alice asked curiously.

"Jacob," Ben answered playing a few notes. "He's a good guy."

"Okay, let's start," Edward said, standing in front of his microphone.

"Which song?" Jasper asked, twirling his sticks around.

Edward looked back at him, clearly agitated. "We went over the set last night."

Jasper opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a aggravatingly sweet voice coming from the front door.

"Eddie!"

We all turned to see a beautiful, tall blonde standing seductively against the door. "I hope I'm not too late," she purred.

"So this is Tanya," Alice whispered in my ear.

Tanya. _Shit_.

Panic flooded through my veins but I tried as best as I could to remain composed.

"Not at all," Edward replied nonchalantly. He gazed at her earnestly. I had to fight everything within me to keep from screaming out in horror and scratching my eyeballs out.

She sauntered over to the couch to sit on Alice's other side.

"Please start," she begged, her eyes flashing with lust. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Alice whispered in my ear.

"Ditto," I whispered back.

The guys played songs for about forty-five minutes. Alice bopped her head along, sometimes singing along or cheering out loud for Jasper. Edward didn't look pleased. Tanya, on the other hand, sat composed until a slow number came on. Edward said it was called "Blondie". How original. Hearing the first few notes of her song, Tanya stood and walked over so that she was completely in front of Edward. He bit his lower lip before the chorus, letting his green eyes scan her body before a lazy grin spread on his perfect face. Tanya threw her head back and laughed as she started to sway her lips sensually.

Alice made gagging noises in my ear, and while normally I would have found this situation hilarious, I couldn't even pretend now. I was heartbroken. He was clearly in love with this… goddess. As much as I hated to admit it, they were perfect for one another. Their features were flawless and they just seemed so in tune with one another.

I thought I was about to go crazy after 8 minutes of the song just as a loud bang startled everyone. Edward made a slight growling noise as he glared at something behind Alice and me. We turned and saw an olive-skinned guy standing there, holding onto his guitar and grinning like an idiot.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Late?" Edward asked in a low voice. I gulped; he was scaring me. And turning me on at the same time. I was really losing it. "You're almost an hour late. You're setting us way back, Jacob. This is fucking ridiculous."

"I'm sorry, dude," he said, shrugging. Clearly he wasn't as impressed as I was by Edward's fury. "Something came up."

Edward took a few quick strides over to Jacob until he was practically nose to nose with him. "You better hope nothing else 'comes up' or you're out of the band."

"Okay, man," Jacob nodded. "It won't happen again."

That appeared to be what Edward wanted to hear because he nodded,too, and stepped back. Tanya skipped over to his side and whispered something in his ear. He looked at her when she finished and then at all the rest of us.

"Why don't we take a fifteen-" Tanya nudged him with her arm, "- twenty minute break. Ben, you can show Jacob what he missed. I'll be back."

The two of them scurried down the hall, very obviously headed for the bedroom.

"Ew," Alice shivered. "Could they be a _little_ subtle about it?"

"Tanya isn't subtle," Jasper said, plopping down beside her. "She doesn't know how to be."

"Is she coming to dinner?" Alice wondered.

Jasper shrugged. "Probably. I don't see how Edward would be able to get out of that one. He can't even break up with the girl properly."

"That was some major tension between Edward and that guy before," Alice said, clearly wanting to change to subject.

I tried my best to focus on the conversation; the thought of Edward having sex with that girl not twelve hours after sleeping with me was making me want to projectile vomit all over his apartment.

"Yeah," Jasper nodded, "they don't like one another. Ben got him into the band. Edward had to take him because we're desperate and he really is that good, but that doesn't mean he has to like him. He's constantly riding Jacob's ass. Honestly, if I were him, I'd show up late half the time, too. He only does it to get a rise out of Edward."

"Wow," Alice said, shaking her head. "I like him already."

Jasper grinned and pulled her close, tickling her side until she begged for mercy. "You better not like him too much."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, a frazzled looking Edward and a satisfied looking Tanya made their way back into the room. At least they had been quiet.

"I'm going everyone," Tanya declared, keeping her eyes on Edward. "Nice to meet you all." Alice looked over at me and smirked; I knew what she was thinking. She hadn't met any of us.

I was feeling worse and worse every second. What if she was coming to dinner tonight? It seemed likely. After all, the pair looked as though they'd reconciled immediately. It would only be natural that she come tonight. If she was there... I wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle that. Bad things could only follow.

Tanya walked over and kissed Edward passionately before sighing and strutting out. Edward looked like he might be blushing but quickly ordered everyone to start the next set of songs.

I knew I was going to be throwing up sometime soon.

* * *

After another hour, the boys stopped and started putting everything away. Jasper joined Alice on the couch again and Ben left, saying he was off to Angela's.

"What did you guys think?"

I looked up and gulped at the sight of a sweaty Edward standing on top of me, staring at me intently.

Alice laughed. "You're not that bad, Eddie."

He glared at her before looking back to me. "What did _you_ think, Bella?"

I swallowed down a lump before responding. "You were good." I am the lamest person. Ever.

"Thank you," a deep voice said from behind me. I turned to see Jacob standing there, leaning his body against the couch.

I smiled shyly and turned back to Edward. I nearly gasped at his expression; he looked absolutely livid!

"Aren't you going to introduce me to these fine ladies, Edward?" Jacob asked.

Edward's jaw clenched. "This is my sister Alice and her best friend Bella." His voice was flat and disinterested.

"Nice to meet you, Alice," Jacob said, coming around to the front to see our faces. "Nice to meet you, Bella," he added, nodding at me.

There was no denying he was handsome. He was no Edward, that was for sure, but he was pretty godlike himself. He was tall and tan, with black silky hair tied into a loose ponytail. His dark eyes penetrated mine and I shifted under his stare.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, Jacob?" Edward asked, annoyance clear in his tone. "Aren't you always running late for something?"

Jacob chuckled. "Usually. Not now, however." He grinned at me and winked.

I smiled back. There was something about him I just… liked. I didn't appreciate the fact that he gave Edward a hard time, but he seemed like he was a really a nice guy underneath it all.

"Well, I have to get ready…" Edward said, hinting that he wanted us to leave.

I stood and picked up my purse. "Okay," I said, "sorry."

Edward looked horrified. "I didn't mean that _you _had to leave, Bella. I just-"

"Wanted _me_ to leave," Jacob finished with a smirk.

"Well, I have to get back to get ready anyway," I blushed. This was uncomfortable and of course Alice and Jasper were too wrapped up in each other to get involved.

Thankfully, Alice stepped in. "You're already ready, Bella." Damn it. I wanted out of Edward's apartment before I started convulsing on the floor.

"I'm dressed, Alice, but not freshened." I grinned at her and she grinned back. Alice always said that.

"Well, I was going to bring Al to my house for a bit before dinner tonight," Jasper said. "You should come, too, Bella."

I'd had my fill of being excess baggage today. "No thanks," I said with a smile. "I'll just call a cab."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella, just come with us!" Alice pleaded. I could tell she felt guilty she dragged me along; she probably hadn't realized Jasper was going to bring her back.

"You can stay here until I go to the house for dinner," Edward offered softly. There was no way I was going to stay here with him, alone, for hours. Especially after all that had happened.

Jacob must have seen my distressed expression and came to my aid. "Why don't _I_ just drive you back? I don't have any place special to be and I know where it is. It's on my way."

"No it's not," Edward cut in.

"Actually, it is," Jacob said with a smile, his eyes never leaving mine. "What do you say, Bells? It'll give us a chance to get to know each other." He winked at me.

This kid was something else. Before I even had a chance to think about it, my hand was in his and he was leading me out.

"Thanks for having me over," I called over my shoulder. "See you guys later!"

This was turning out to be the strangest day of my life. First, I wake up naked in my best friend's brother's bedroom, whom I've just so happened to be infatuated with for years. Next, I get stuck at the boy's apartment all day long, forced to be present for the twenty minute sex session he had with his model girlfriend. Now, I was sitting next to a strange kid in his beat up car.

What the hell was going to happen next?

A/N: The dramz will be happening next chapter. The shit's gonna hit the beautiful Cullen family ceiling fan...

What do you all think so far?


	3. Confrontations

Just a quick a/n... I'm worried that I'm making Edward out to be a really nasty guy and I swear those aren't my intentions! Remember this is all Bella's POV so far and she is prone to think the worst and take the worst from things. I promise he's not that OOC! You'll see more of what I mean in the next chapter, which may or may not be in his POV.

Also, thanks for the reviews! They really gave me the boost I needed to keep on writing.

* * *

Jacob and I sat in comfortable silence on the way back to the Cullen's. I could tell his eyes were on me but I couldn't bring myself to look over. I knew I was blushing; the situation was slightly uncomfortable for me.

"So," he sighed, leaning over to flick off the radio, "what's the deal with you and Cullen?"

I jumped and my head whipped up fast. "Excuse me?"

He could tell something was going on by my reaction. He smirked. I suppressed the urge to groan and smack my head repeatedly on the dashboard. I really was an open book.

"He all but pissed on you when we were walking out of the apartment," he snorted, stopping at a red light. His dark eyes drifted over to mine and held my stare.

"He's just… protective of me. That's all. I'm his best friend's sister." I sighed and looked away. "He thinks of me as his sister, too." I couldn't help but whisper the last part out, noting the sad tone of my voice. Jacob noticed it, too.

"It's none of my business," he said softly, speeding up when the light turned green. "You just seemed jumpy after everything, that's all."

"I've had a rough few months. I'm always jumpy."

He nodded.

We were silent for most of the rest of the drive, which was very nice. Not only did I have to sort out my tangled thoughts, but I genuinely enjoyed being in his presence. I hardly knew him and yet I was completely at ease with him, something that was always difficult for me. I never reacted well to strangers. And yet here I was, feeling almost… happy.

After a while, he struck up a conversation with me.

"How come you're spending Thanksgiving with Edward's family, if you don't mind me asking?"

"My parents had plans I wasn't necessarily interested in. Plus, Alice wanted me with her. She wanted to cheer me up."

Jacob looked over at me. "Why?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Long story."

"We've got a couple of minutes."

"Long, _embarrassing _story," I clarified.

He dropped it, thankfully.

"What are you doing today?" I asked, not only because I was intent on steering the conversation away from me but because I was genuinely interested.

Shrugging, he smiled at me. "Popping a few frozen dinners into the microwave and watching football with my dad."

I felt a pang of pity in my chest. The emotion found its way to my face, of course, and he winced.

"Don't feel bad for me, Bella. That's the way we like it." He grinned at me.

I forced a smile but felt bad, regardless. I decided to fill up the car with useless chatter until we got to the house.

He chuckled at a joke I made as we pulled into the driveway and then went silent. He stared off into the distance, looking gloomy all of a sudden.

"What's wrong?" I asked, startled at his mood change. We had been getting along so well!

"Cullen is glaring at me from the living room," he muttered, nodding to the house. "He must have decided to come straight here, after all."

I blinked and looked over, surprised to realize that Edward was, in fact, staring at us through the living room curtain. His jaw clenched before he stepped away.

The expression on his face caused my heartbeat to quicken with something resembling fear. The thought was ludicrous to me, and had I not felt afraid, I would have laughed. Edward wasn't a scary guy; I'd never been _frightened _of him before. I was scared of feeling for him and scared he would find out, sure, but I had never felt something like this. He'd looked hungry… furious… dangerous.

"That was weird," Jacob stated, bringing me out of my reverie.

I shook my head and looked back at him. "I know."

"He's probably mad because I took so long."

My eyebrows rose out of confusion. He smiled sheepishly and looked down. "I kind of took the long way here."

It took a second for it to click but when it did, I blushed.

He smirked at me. "You look cute when you're confused."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "And thanks for driving me back here. Even if you took the long route."

Jacob smiled and appeared to be a little embarrassed. "I wanted to get to know you."

"Same here." It was true. He'd interested me from the first second I laid eyes on him. I was glad to have had a chance to chat. His next move, however, took me completely by surprise.

"Do you think I could have your number?" He looked at his hands on the steering wheel as he asked. His face was kind of squished together, as though he were bracing himself for impact. He looked adorable.

"Of course," I said without thinking.

I really wasn't into dating anyone right now but I definitely needed a friend. I gave him my number quickly and stood, slightly flustered from the day's events but pleased nonetheless. I had dreaded the band practice, with good reason, but I'd met someone special. I knew that much.

"It was great meeting you, Bella," he said earnestly.

I smiled and nodded. "You, too."

Then I sighed and walked into hell.

I hadn't even taken off my coat before Edward was on me.

"What the hell took you guys so long to get back here?"

I looked at him, completely confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I live ten minutes from here, Bella. It took you guys almost twenty-five minutes," he practically growled out.

_Whoa_. What the hell was going on here?

I didn't know what to say so I continued putting my coat on a hanger. He ripped the hanger and coat out of my hands and threw them onto the couch.

"Answer me, Bella!"

"Jeez, bro, what's your problem?" Emmett asked as he came into the room, looking almost as confused as me. He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "What are you yelling at Bella for?"

Edward rubbed at his eyes tiredly and sighed. I noticed the purplish rings underneath them and worried that he wasn't getting enough sleep.

"I'm not _yelling_ at Bella, Emmett," he said in a restrained voice that just hinted at the rage beneath the words. "I'm merely asking her a question."

"You sounded like you were yelling," Emmett challenged, clearing disbelieving Edward. I didn't blame him for not believing him; Edward had sounded more than enraged when I'd come in.

"What's going on here?" Alice chirped, thankfully walking into the house before any more drama could happen.

"Edward's being a douche," Emmett said simply. "He was practically screaming at Bella about something."

Alice looked from Edward to me a couple of times before slipping her tiny hand in mine. "Whatever, Edward's just being Edward. Let's go up and get you freshened up, Bella!"

I would have groaned had I not been so confused and alarmed. Edward was glaring at me, seething in anger. I couldn't grasp what I had done wrong. I turned my head, blushing furiously, grateful I was getting out of his sight. There was something about his gaze that scorched me and made me feel so small. He looked like I'd betrayed him or disappointed him somehow.

Alice pushed me into her bedroom and started re-applying my makeup. I was shaking badly, fear and confusion bombarding my thoughts. I hadn't done anything wrong!

"Don't mind him, Bella," Alice said quietly. "All things will reveal themselves in time."

I shook my head at another one of Alice's infamous cryptic sayings. Normally I would have harassed her and badgered her into telling me, though she never relented, but I was just too tired. I let her continue her work, humming and murmuring things to me occasionally.

"I'm glad Jasper sent me back here ahead of him," she laughed, putting some more eye shadow on my face. "If I hadn't come back, Emmett would have kicked the shit out of Edward. He hates it when guys talk down to girls."

I nodded, remembering a couple of occasions in the past. Emmett didn't have the best control on his temper when it came to guys disrespecting women. I remembered with a shudder a few of his violent fights.

"Anyway, what do you think of Jacob?"

I smiled, though it was slightly strained, remembering the sweet kid I'd just become friends with. "He's nice."

"I think so, too," Alice nodded. She finished putting mascara on my lashes and stepped back. "Well," she sighed with an appraising look, "you look fabulous. I'll let you brush your hair yourself as I get ready."

"Gee, thanks," I muttered, combing through my endless knots.

Alice slipped out of her beautiful outfit and shimmied into yet another. Why didn't she just model? I could feel her watching me as I brushed my hair. It was starting to get unnerving.

"Bella," she called nonchalantly from her closet. Her tone of voice immediately alerted me that something was up.

"Yes?"

"Could you come here a sec?"

Alice usually only called me into her office for "conferences" as she called them. We were less likely to be overheard in there.

I stood up and walked over slowly. Something told me this wasn't going to be good.

She was standing over her shoes, a hand to her chin in contemplation. At first glance, I thought maybe she was going to ask me my opinion. The more we stood in silence, however, the more I gave it some thought and realized Alice never, _ever _asked my opinion about fashion. Why would she? There was something more going on here. The air crackled in tension and I felt like I was going to burst soon if she didn't say something. What could it possibly be about? Hadn't I had enough drama going on lately?

Finally, her beautiful face lifted and her sparkling eyes met mine. She looked amused but there was also a tint of sadness in her eyes.

"I'm hurt, Bella."

"Why?" I breathed. What had I done?

"Aren't I your best friend?"

I nodded vehemently.

"Don't love you love me as I love you?"

Again, I nodded.

"Don't you realize that I expect the two of us to be able to tell each other everything?"

I nodded passionately once more, the point of all of this escaping me.

Suddenly she pounced on me and squeezed her bony hands into my shoulders so tightly it hurt.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT EDWARD?"

My heard felt like it dropped a thousand feet. She knew. It was all over her face. Had he told her? Had she seen us leave together as I'd feared? Had she just guessed by our strange actions today? I felt the blood leave my face as I thought maybe she was really furious with me. Maybe she was pissed I'd played around with her brother. I thought had the situation been reversed, I would have been a little upset, too. It was not only awkward but just somehow… wrong.

She was staring at me expectantly with a blank look on her face.

I searched my brain for something, anything, to say. Anything to explain my actions and somehow make them acceptable.

Then she cracked a smile.

"Did you honestly think I didn't _know_, Bella?"

I said nothing. I was frozen, petrified, like prey in the path of a predator.

Then she burst out laughing. My expression must have been ridiculous because she started howling.

She sobered up a little but continued laughing. "I'm not _mad_ at you, Bella. I just thought you'd tell me. I wanted to talk about it and I've been waiting for you to get up the nerve all day."

My hands were still shaking. "I'm sorry," I finally whispered.

"What for?"

"It was wrong."

She shook her head so fast it made me dizzy just looking at her. "It's fantastic! I'll admit that it's not exactly the way I pictured things happening but it's definitely going to speed things up!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked slowly. She'd lost me.

"I always knew the two of you would get together. I thought one day Edward would wake up and realize how irrevocably in love he was with you or that you'd get up your nerve to confront him about it and _make_ him realize it. I didn't think it would start out with a drunken night of sex." She started giggling again. "Did you have a good time, at least?"

"I don't remember any of it," I said distractedly. I still didn't know what she was talking about. Edward was _not_ in love with me.

"Oh," she mumbled, slouching her shoulders disappointedly. "That sucks. After everything…" Then she brightened again. The woman was bipolar; I knew it. "But at least it happened! It _happened_, Bella! You had sex with Edward!"

"Could you keep your voice down?!" I hissed, heat flaming up in my face. "And it doesn't change anything," I whispered.

"Oh, Bella, I'm afraid it does," she grinned. "Just take what happened downstairs as Exhibit A. He got jealous just because Jacob took you home. Do you realize how great that is?"

I looked at her blankly. I didn't see greatness in that at all.

She shook her head and laughed in frustration. "You're utterly clueless, Bella Swan, but that's part of your charm."

"Alice… you don't honestly think anything will come of this, do you?"

She nodded excitedly. "Yes, I do. Something definitely is going to come from this."

I bit my lip. "You're wrong, Al. You should have seen him this morning. He couldn't get me out of his apartment fast enough."

Alice shrugged. "He was just nervous; it happens when commitment-phobic guys end up having sex with girls they care about. They run. He's not running anymore, though. Bella, he's going to be all over you until we get back to school... and probably long afterward."

"He has Tanya," I reminded her.

"Forget her," she scoffed, shaking her head. "He doesn't care about her _at all_. Trust me."

"He cared about her this afternoon…"

Alice gazed at me for a few moments before looking down. "I'm not proud of what he did today. As a matter of fact, I plan on giving him hell for it. I didn't realize my brother was that much of a man-whore."

I giggled at the term being applied to Edward. Sure, he'd had his share of girlfriends but he wasn't exactly a _player._

"I mean it," Alice said seriously. "That was completely disgusting. He never should have paraded her around in front of you."

"He doesn't think it means anything to him, Alice."

She shook her head. "Even if he thought that, Bella, it was still wrong. When you sleep with someone, lines get blurred whether you want them to or not and things get awkward. I'm sure it was unbelievably uncomfortable for you and I'm sure that on some level, Edward knew that. It was just _wrong_. Not to mention it was wrong of him to do that with _any_ of us there."

She was right. "I'll give you that. I wouldn't want to very obviously have sex with a room full of people just outside."

"Exactly. He can be such a pig. But I know he'll come around, Bella. Just be patient and wonderful a little longer and ignore the hurtful bullshit he pulls until then."

Biting my lip, I put the brush down. "But that's not fair, Alice. I like him a lot but I'm no masochist. At least I try not to be."

She nodded. "I know, Bella, I know. But I just have this feeling that the two of you are going to be something great. You and Edward are my most favorite people in the world, Bella. I just want to see the two of you happy."

"That doesn't necessarily mean we'd be happy _together_," I pointed out.

She nodded again. "I know that, too. Edward is an asshole ninety-nine percent of the time. You're too good for him, even if you can't comprehend that. I know things seem hard and impossible right now but I'm dead serious when I tell you that I can see the two of you together. You complement each other in such a bizarre way… That much is apparent to me now."

"Have you turned into a fortune-teller now?" I asked, forcing what I hoped looked like a smile on my face. My attempt to lighten the mood failed; she soberly shook her head.

"I'm not pretending to know for sure Edward will clean up his act. As a matter of fact, everything in his past points to his inability to mature. I should be shooing you away and protecting you. But you forget that I _know_ Edward, almost as well as I know you, and I _know_ that he doesn't act like how he acted downstairs for nothing."

I blushed at the thoughts swirling around in my head. I didn't want to say them but I figured my ideas to be right and I wanted to emphasize my point to Alice. "Uh… well, did you think that maybe it's just because we… had sex together? Maybe, without really wanting to, he formed a sort of attachment to me? Some sort of primeval territorial macho thing that has no real 'love' behind it?"

She was shaking her head before I finished. "No, Bella. Just… no. Usually if Edward has a one-stand- which is remarkably rare, by the way- he's quick to ditch her. Do you know how many girls he used to try and fling at Jasper? Poor Jazz. He forgets sometimes how lucky he is to have me."

I smiled at her and she smiled tentatively back. "I know you're done talking about this but I just want to say that if Edward continues to act like a prick, I will back you up and help you to forget about him… and I'll kick the shit out of him, too. Just for good measure."

I laughed at that. Little tiny Alice was certainly no match for someone like Edward, whose subtle muscles belied the strength behind them. She giggled too, guessing my thoughts and shrugging at them.

"Girls, dinner!" Esme's smooth voice called upstairs.

The amusement in the air faded and was replaced with trepidation and fear. I was afraid to face Edward again. This was getting silly! But his face earlier had terrified me, more than I cared to admit. It was almost like he hated me and that was a thought I couldn't bear. Especially considering how I felt about him.

"Let's go," Alice said softly, wrapping her arm around mine. "Let's face Edward together. And follow my lead… I know _just_ what'll do the trick."

She grinned mischievously and I swallowed involuntarily; the look on her face told me all I needed to know. Trouble was coming.


	4. Gobble Gobble

Just want to say thanks to the reviews; it really gets me writing. This chapter was originally longer but I thought it was best to cut it off. I'm slightly unsure about where this is going so I wanted your feedback on this chapter before I added the second part.

Also, a warning- Edward is being such an asshole in this chapter. I even wanted to bunch him. Hmmm, I wonder why he's acting this way? Muhahaha.

Now on to the most awkward dinner ever...

* * *

I took a deep breath as we entered the dining room, not sure which Edward I'd be greeted with- "affectionate brother type Edward", "aloof Edward", or "furious Edward".

We stepped in and my eyes immediately went over to his seated form. Slowly his eyes met mine. Ah, this was a new one as well. Repentant Edward.

Alice slipped into the chair across from Jasper and sat me down next to her. We were on Edward's side of the table but further down so he couldn't see us and we couldn't see him without straining our necks. For a moment I was disappointed; yes, I didn't want him to see me eating again or attack me again but I loved viewing his face. Then I caught sight of Alice's grin. Uh-oh.

"Tanya's not coming, Eddie?" Alice asked nonchalantly, reaching over for a helping of mashed potatoes.

"No," he almost growled. I couldn't see his face but I imagined his expression was something like how it had been earlier- dangerous.

"How come?" she asked innocently, winking at me as she poured on the gravy.

"We're not together, Alice."

Alice snorted. "Right."

I played with my food, hoping someone would intercept and change the subject. This was not a conversation I wanted to hear.

"So, Bella," Carlisle said as he slipped into his chair, "tell us more about this London internship."

Have I mentioned how much I adore Carlisle?

Smiling, I shifted and looked at him. "I go there the last day of classes and… it's more than likely I'll be there for the spring semester, too. It all depends on my work."

Carlisle smiled. "Well, then I'm sure you'll be there for the spring semester. Alice tells us how competent you are."

Blushing, I looked over at Alice. "Alice is too kind."

"Why do you want to go to _London_?" Edward asked, his voice dripping with disdain. What the hell did he care?

"Why wouldn't she?" Alice asked, grinning at me.

"A change every now and then is good," I mumbled.

The truth was that I'd been debating not going for a long time. I wasn't sure if I was brave enough to go off on my own. But now, after things with Mike and Edward, I realized I needed a change. My life had been stagnant; I'd be more than complacent with how things were going. I saw now that I was just going with the flow instead of making my own ripples. I was tired of being overlooked, of being cast aside. It was my time to shine and I thought what better way than to go off to London? It would be a fresh outlook that I so desperately needed.

And I'd be able to escape from whatever was going on between me and Edward.

"I'm so happy for you but I'm sad I'm going to be so far away from my best friend!" Alice looked over to her father pointedly. "Oh, what I would give to be able to visit you!"

"Smooth, Alice," Emmett laughed. "I wonder if Dad caught on…"

We all laughed at that; Carlisle always saw through Alice's plots.

"I don't think Bella's going to like it there," Edward said. Our giggles died down.

"Oh, Bella, you can adapt to everything," Esme said quickly. I knew she was trying to diffuse the tension that had descended upon the table. It wasn't working.

"I didn't say she couldn't _adapt_, just that she wouldn't like it there."

"Edward, drop it," Carlisle said in a firm voice. His face was stony and severe. I'd never seen him like that.

"I'm just being honest," Edward said. His words were somehow harsher since I couldn't see him. "Bella is… how shall I put it? Fragile. She's going to be off on her own in a foreign country for a long period of time. That's a lot to take in."

"Edward, what the hell do you know?" Rose asked, shooting him the scariest glare I'd ever seen. "You've barely left our town. And stop talking like Bella's not in the room." She looked over at me and smiled. "I think it's amazing what you're doing."

"Thank you," I said quietly, forcing a smile.

Edward's opinion mattered to me the most, however, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. It hurt that he thought I couldn't handle it. He was voicing all my own fears which, in a way, confirmed them.

"You're going to be home in a week, Bella."

My throat tightened. Why was he being so mean? Why did he keep insisting I was going to fail? Was he really that repulsed by the night before? He didn't seem angry this morning… What had inspired this change? Had he given it more thought? Did he blame me now? I certainly blamed myself.

My thoughts were interrupted, however, by a loud banging sound. I looked up and saw the cause; Carlisle had slammed his fist down on the table.

_Whoa_.

"Enough, Edward. Bella is practically family. I will not have you berating her like this, especially at the dinner table. If you can't control yourself, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Fine!" Edward shouted, throwing his fork on his plate. "I'll just-"

"Stop, Edward," Esme pleaded softly. "Please. It's Thanksigiving."

"Guys," I interjected, "it's really no big deal. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Let's just eat and be thankful I haven't tripped yet today, okay?"

Everyone except Edward and Carlisle forced a smile. The tension was severe and I was growing more uncomfortable by the second. I saw Jasper staring at Edward, seeming to be communicating something to him with his eyes. Weird.

I caught Emmett kissing Rosalie's cheek and got inspired. "So how are you guys? It feels like I haven't seen you in forever. How's married life?" I asked them, desperate for some sort of topic change. I wanted the awkwardness to fade _now_.

Bingo. They both grinned and looked at each other. I nearly sighed at the love and adoration in their eyes.

"It's amazing," Rosalie said seriously, looking back at me.

I smiled at them, more than happy at their joy. They deserved it.

"When are _you_ going to find a decent guy and get hitched?" Emmett asked me.

I grimaced and tensed at his question. I definitely did not want to discuss this right now. How could he be such an oaf? Looking over at Alice, I expected a look of compassion and concern. Instead, I saw a satisfied and happy expression on her face. What the hell?

"Oh, it could be _very_ soon. Bella and Jake, the new guy in Edward's band, really hit it off today. He's really cute." She winked at me animatedly. God, how could she bear being so perky?

Emmett quirked an eyebrow and looked at me in amusement. "You sure move on fast, Bella."

I rolled my eyes.

"She sure does," Edward said under his breath. "Anyway, he's not Bella's type," Edward said, leaning over to look at me. "You usually go for pieces of shit, right?"

Silence once again took over the table.

"Edward, what's with you tonight, bro?" Emmett asked him, shaking his head. "You're being a prick."

This was turning into the Thanksgiving dinner from hell. Dinner with Renee or Charlie would have been heaps better than this.

Thankfully, the conversation moved completely off of me, thanks to Esme's efforts, and Edward didn't get the chance to make any bastardly comments.

I thought all of the frustrating awkward moments had passed but I was too hasty. I had forgotten we still had dessert to get through.

Esme and Carlisle went into the kitchen to prepare dessert. They'd insisted we stay out here and chat, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence. Honestly, I think they just wanted to get out of the room.

Jasper perked up after they left and grinned over at Edward. "Are you still going this weekend?"

"What's this weekend?" Alice immediately perked up. "Where are you going?"

Jasper smiled sheepishly. "Shit. I was going to surprise you."

"Jazz…" she said warningly, "if you don't tell me now, you'll be sorry."

He grinned wider. "Promise?"

"Ew," Rosalie muttered, shaking her head at me. "I know Em and I get shit all the time for the PDA but Alice and Jasper are such _freaks_."

Alice glared at her but pressed on. "What's going on, Jasper?"

"We've been invited to go to a cabin this weekend."

Alice's face fell. She was not pleased. Really, what was Jasper thinking? This was a girl who ran from bees and detested gardening because it got dirt under her fingernails. Sleeping in a wooded area with no mall and no 4 star hotel would certainly not appeal to her.

"We're going to be staying in our own bedroom. Supposedly the cabin is enormous and luxurious." He raised his eyebrows suggestively at her. "We'll have tons of… privacy. What could possibly be wrong with that?"

Sighing, she shook her head and smiled. "You're so weird, Jazz, but that's why I love you. It sounds like a nice plan but I'm not going anywhere without Bella."

I frowned. Why was I permanently the wet blanket? "I'm more than happy here. Really. I have Rose and Em to entertain me." I grinned at them. "I'm sure they'll be entertaining me."

"I don't care about _you_, Bella, I care about me and how I miss the shit out of you."

"You miss Jasper, too."

"Yes, but if we stay here I can have the best of both worlds." She grasped Jasper's hand tightly.

Jasper smiled at me to let me know he wasn't upset.

"Wait," Alice practically screamed, her face vibrant with excitement. Shit. What was the evil fairy planning? "Can't Bella come along?"

Jasper looked uncomfortable. I snuck a peek at Edward and my heart dropped to my feet. He looked furious.

"Uh… well… I'll have to see since, you know…"

"Oh, right!" Alice exclaimed, slapping her forehead. "You said someone invited you. Who? Anyone I know?"

Jasper looked at Edward with an expression of sheer horror. What the fuck was going on? Edward cursed under his breath and came over to sit by us.

"Tanya invited us." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "I don't want to go."

Alice looked over at me. I was surprised to see that she looked upset. Sure, my heart was breaking, but _she_ didn't have to feel lousy over it.

I quickly said something before she had any chance to. "Alice, go. Don't worry about it."

"Dude, you kind of already agreed…" Jasper said lowly to Edward.

Edward grimaced at his words while Alice seethed.

"I think it's funny," she hissed at Edward, "that you claim to not be with this girl and yet she's coming over for afternoon sex while we're all out in the living room and inviting you to her cabin on the weekends."

His eyes flared with anger. "I didn't have sex with her this afternoon."

"Yeah," Alice snorted, looking over at me, "right."

"I'm being serious."

"You're _being _an asshole."

"We… made out, yes, but I'm not that disgusting as to have sex when friends are only a few feet away."

Alice chuckled darkly. "I wouldn't put it past you, oh dearest brother of mine."

"Guys, forget it," I cut in, not liking where this was headed. Their expressions were disturbing me. "It's a nonissue."

"Jasper, we're not going," Alice said firmly. "I'm not going to give up my free weekend to go hang out at a stranger's house, especially one that belongs to one of Edward's sluts. Thanks for the thought and the offer but I'd really rather stay here."

"Hey," Edward growled, standing up to tower over us, "first of all, don't call the girls I hang out with sluts. Second, stop treating me like some degrading asshole. Third, she asked us to come when we were still hanging out. I don't even think the offer still stands. And finally, we're no longer involved. She hung out with me today, yes, but I didn't do anything more than kiss her. Not that it's any of your business, anyway."

"What the hell is going on with everyone tonight?" Rose whispered, looking utterly dismayed. "We usually have such nice family dinners… What happened?"

I know it sounds egotistical but I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault. It wasn't right that Edward was taking it out on everyone, however.

Carlisle and Esme stepped out with some coffee mugs. As though they could taste the discomfort in the air, which considering the extent of it I wouldn't be surprised, they stopped and looked at all of us.

"Is Edward being ungentlemanly again?" Esme looked at him worriedly.

Edward slammed _his_ fist on the table now. "Why do you automatically assume it's me? What is this, attack Edward day?"

_You're right, Edward. It's me._

"Good one," Emmett said sarcastically. "And it _is_ you. You're being an ass. Sit down and drink your coffee."

"Shut up, Emmett," he hissed. He sat down anyway.

His eyes met mine and practically sizzled with fury and… something along the lines of hatred. My heart leapt up into my throat and stopped.

Cracking his knuckles, he looked away and scowled.

This was a nightmare.


	5. Text This

Thank you to everyone who reads this story and to everyone who takes the time to review. They cheer me up, more than I can say, and inspire me to write faster and better for all of you.

This isn't as long as I planned it to be because it just felt natural ending it where I did. Plus, I'm not entirely sure about what the next step will be. I'm open for suggestions!

* * *

"I think…" I whispered, trailing off with my anxiety. "I think I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for bed." I tossed a fake smile in Alice's direction. "Someone woke me up way too early this morning and now I'm exhausted. Thanks for a delicious dinner. I'll see you all in the morning."

"Bella, stay," Rosalie insisted.

"Really," Emmett joined in, "it's so early, granny."

"Don't you go _anywhere_!" Alice practically screeched, pouting at me.

"If Bella is tired then she should be able to go to sleep," Esme said quietly. She smiled at me in understanding and I wanted to leap over and kiss her cheek.

Instead, I practically ran out of the room.

I knew I was being dramatic and that Alice would likely be coming upstairs soon to check on me but I couldn't help it. I was suffocating in there. Everything was going too fast. First, Mike cheats on me. Then I come here and have sex with Edward, EDWARD. My personal god. My fantasy come true! Only he's not interested me in the slightest. Instead he's getting invites to a skank's cabin over the weekend and treating me like shit.

I picked up my phone to call Angela, desperate to rant. Pausing for a moment, remorse came over me. It was Thanksgiving and she was with Ben. She didn't need me, little old emotionally unstable and ridiculous Bella, calling up and disturbing her. She needed the break.

I touched my phone to see the time and the best sight greeted me- a text from Jacob. He really had perfect timing.

Giddily, I flipped open my phone.

_Bella, would it be too much too soon to tell you that I've been thinking about you all day?_

I truly smiled for the first time since I'd left him. Immediately I texted him back.

_Not at all. That's exactly what I wanted to hear right now… Thank you._

With a sigh, I shut my phone and started putting on my pajamas. A buzz caught my attention and I realized Jacob had texted me back already.

_You're welcome. Things aren't going well over there, I'm guessing? I could have told you that from Cullen's glare before._

Hesitating over the keypad, I briefly wondered how much I could tell him. I didn't want to seem like some vulnerable, love-sick schmuck and tell him all this stuff, only to have him turn around and tell Edward all of it. But then I thought about how much they both clearly disliked one another and found it highly unlikely they'd be conversing anytime soon, especially about me.

_You could say that, although 'not going well' is an understatement. This is the equivalent of a colonoscopy._

I bit my lip. I didn't want to complain; the Cullen's were nice enough to have me here. But I needed to vent and Jacob appeared to be a real upstanding guy.

He wrote back right away.

_Jeez, I can only imagine. What a jealous bastard. I could come rescue you…_

Panic seized my heart for a second but then I snickered. Yeah, right. Like he was really going to come pick me up on Thanksgiving night! I needed to relax; it was just a joke. And Edward wasn't jealous.

_Haha. How was your frozen dinner?_

"Bella!" Alice called from downstairs.

I ignored her and hoped she'd think I was sleeping.

"I know you aren't sleeping, bitch!"

I rushed to put on a shirt and walked out to the top of the stairs.

"I was putting a shirt on."

She smirked at me and nodded mockingly. "Right…"

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"We were going to put a movie on. Esme and Carlisle went up to their bedroom so they're giving us total control of the living room. Will you _please_ come downstairs?"

"Alice…"

"Edward's sorry. You know how gets sometimes." Her pleading face was on.

Shit shit _shit_. Remember, it's just a vicious tool, Bella. Don't look, don't look.

Fuck!

I looked.

Her lip was jutted out, her eyes squished, shoulders slightly hunched. There was no way I was getting out of this.

Just then my phone vibrated in my hand.

Sighing and shaking my head at her, I flicked it open. I caught her smug look at my obvious resignation. Little evil pixie…

_It was frozen… I mean it about coming to rescue you. It's not like I'm doing anything._

Oh, my God. He was serious. For a moment, I considered it. It would be a pretty good escape. It would be also, however, be severely rude to my hosts.

Then again, Carlisle and Esme had gone off to bed...

"Bella! Come back to me, Bella!"

I focused in on Alice who had climbed the first few bottom steps.

"What happened? You look so weird."

I shook my head to reorganize my thoughts. "Jacob's been texting me."

One perfect eyebrow rose. "Oh? And what's he been saying?"

I shifted uncomfortably and looked down at my feet. My blush was blazing all over my body. There was no use in trying to pretend it was no big deal; my best friend could read me perfectly.

"He… wants to come pick me up and hang out."

"WHAT?!" she shrieked, racing up the rest of the stairs. "Why?"

I shrugged and tried my best to look innocent. "I don't know."

Alice didn't appear to believe me but she let it drop. "Are you going to go?"

"What? Hell no. I barely know him and it's rude."

She grinned mischievously and nudged me with her arm. "Well, technically I'm your host and I give you full permission. And you know him well enough to know he's not a complete psycho."

I bit my lip in thought and weighed the options. As much as I wanted to get away from Edward, I wanted to be near him even more. He was like some dehabilitating drug that rendered me deaf, dumb, and blind and yet I couldn't resist, despite the danger.

As I contemplated this, the cursed little thing beside me grabbed my phone from me and sped downstairs.

"ALICE, YOU WITCH!"

I ran after her but of course fell on the last stip. Grimacing in pain, I hopped up and continued running. It was too late; she was already in the living room, telling everyone about my texts from Jacob. I was relieved she wasn't showing any of them to anyone. I didn't want them all to think I wasn't having a good time and that I was so rudely sharing that with someone else.

She looked up as I walked in the room and snickered. "You're so slow, Swan."

"I… hate… you."

"You should go, Bella," Rosalie said from Emmett's arms. "It would do you some good. You won't have to sit here and watch us make out all night." She cracked up along with Emmett and Jasper. It was true. We would put a movie in and I'd end up sitting awkwardly next to a brooding Edward.

"Yeah, why don't you live it up for once, kid?" Emmett chuckled, shaking his head at me. "You went to bed at like 9:30. That's just not normal in any capacity."

"What could you possibly _do_ on _Thanksgiving_?" Edward blurted out, looking at me as though I were a particularly grotesque piece of unwanted gum on the bottom of his designer shoes.

Why was he being so weird?! He usually just ignored me during times like this, barely acknowledging my existence let alone adding in his own opinions to the mix. He couldn't be jealous. Could he…?

"Lots of things, like passionate backseat sex, for example," Alice offered casually.

I. Was. Going. To. _Kill_. Her.

Flames literally burst from my cheeks.

Rose snorted and shook her head at Alice. "Bella would _never_ have a one night stand, Alice. Please." She looked at me and smirked. "You're not the type. And you're not the type to have sex on the first date, either."

I looked down at my hands, my cheeks burning even hotter and redder now. _Oh, if they only knew! _

Stealthily, I let myself sneak a peek at Edward who of course happened to be looking at me, too. I nearly collapsed on the floor at the intense, knee-buckling stare.

My eyes fled from his immediately, not liking the sensation in my belly. Plus, if I had to meet those eyes again I wouldn't be able to ignore the serious impulse to jump him. Looking at everyone and everything but Edward, I noticed Jasper appeared to be looking back and forth between me and Edward. I watched him curiously before he noticed my stare and looked determinately at Alice. He couldn't know, too, could he?

Of course he did. It didn't matter who told- Alice or Edward. He knew. The poor guy almost looked as uncomfortable as I did. I figured it was likely Alice, anyway, since Edward apparently wanted to up and forget the whole thing ever happened. He wasn't alone; my muscles wanted to pretend it didn't happen, too. Very much. The things that boy could do with his-

"So are you going, Bella?" Emmett asked, interrupting my very inappropriate thoughts.

"Of course not," I said quietly. The situation way too weird.

Alice erupted in giggles. Everyone looked at her, perplexed. Finally she thrust my phone at me.

"Check out your sent text messages," she managed to gasp between her laughs.

Oh, no.

She didn't.

Frantically, I flipped open the phone, almost breaking it in my urgency.

She did.

_Sounds like a good plan, babe. I'll be ready in 30._

Amazingly enough, I managed to stay standing.

"Alice Cullen," I whispered slowly, "I have said it before but this time I mean it. I'm going to kill you."


	6. Edward's Morning After

Sorry- this took me longer than I expected to get out. My brother and his gf visited me up at school and we all went out and got plastered. Thankfully, I didn't pull a Bella but I certainly had an interesting night. Then I had to suffer a major hangover for two days. No fun.

So I had intended on keeping the whole story Bella's POV but since everyone has been in an uproar over Edward's behavior, I thought it best to give some insight into what he's thinking. The next chapter or two will also likely be his POV to bring us up to date. I apologize on having to stall the story a bit... I hate it when you think you're getting the next scene and instead you get a rehashing of it from another POV. I'm going to try to match up next chapter.

This chapter has given me many problems. I had some serious writer's block. Then I was worried I was making Edward too OOC but then I figured this is an all-human story- it's already way OOC. So, whatevs. Also, we get a glimpse into what happened that night! Yay!

As always, I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think and thanks for the reviews you've all left so far. They help me more than you know.

* * *

My first thought that morning was that I forgot to close the blinds, _again_. The bright sunlight burned my face, waking me up earlier than I would have liked. Slowly, my eyes opened and squinted into the head-ache inducing light.

My next thought was ouch. Every single solitary part of my body hurt. Thousands of thoughts drifted through my brain but the only thing I could make out was _I'm hung-over_. That much was obvious. Briefly, I wondered what shenanigans I had been up to but I thought it would be best to wait until after I got some food in me to play the regret game.

Cautiously, I eased out of the bed. I ignored my body's pleading to lie back down again and started to walk out of the room. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye move in my bed.

_Shit_.

I never, ever had one night stands. It just wasn't me. My friends were always talking about them, priding themselves on how many faceless women they'd bedded over the years. Personally, it wasn't to my taste. The thought of sleeping with someone I barely knew seemed so wrong to me. It just didn't seem natural.

I peered over the bunched up comforter and spotted brunette hair. So at least it wasn't Tanya. I exhaled with some relief and walked closer to get a better look. Just then, the woman shifted and turned over so that I could see her face clearly.

I gasped. The sight prompted my final thought.

I had just slept with Isabella Swan.

My brain didn't work for a while after that. I sat down at the end of the bed and let the previous night's events slowly replay themselves. Everything came back in an overwhelming rush.

Bella dancing. Me ditching the girl I was hooking up with when I saw Bella taking one too many shots. Bella drunk. Bella all over me. Bella gasping. Bella moaning. Bella _under_ me.

Oh, God.

What in fuck's name did I do? I slept with my sister's best friend, one of the sweetest and most innocent girls in the world. She was in a fragile state and I took advantage of her while she was completely inebriated and I was merely tipsy. What kind of monster did that make me?

She moaned softly in her sleep, causing me to jump and hop away from the bed. The sound reminded me of the night before and I suppressed a groan as even more vivid memories flooded back.

I just took her back to my place because I thought it would be easier on all involved. There was also the matter of someone needing to watch over Bella. She was a bit of a mess; I couldn't just drop her back off at my parents' house with no one to look after her.

That's what I kept telling myself, anyway.

She was angry with me for some reason as we walked to my apartment, constantly trying to get out of my grasp. I was getting frustrated by the time we made it upstairs. In a most ungentlemanly move, I pushed her harshly onto the sofa.

"Sit here while I take off your shoes."

"Fuck off," was her response.

My lips twitched with unreasonable amusement. "I didn't know you became so… petulant after you had a few drinks in you."

Bella glared at me but said nothing.

I successfully removed her shoes, enjoying the action more than I should have.

"Did you like her?"

I had been preparing to stand from my crouching position when she asked this but immediately froze. "Like who?"

She rolled her eyes at me like I was a moron and leaned against the back of the sofa. "That girl you were hooking up with at the bar. You've forgotten her already?"

"I barely knew her."

Her eyebrow rose. "And yet you were kissing her?"

"I was drunk." I didn't like this conversation. I stood up and went to get her a water bottle from the kitchen.

"I'm surprised you didn't invite _her_ home with you," she said when I got back.

I laughed in confusion. "Why would I?"

She sipped a little at her water before meeting my eyes. "You didn't want to sleep with her?"

"Bella," I said, rolling my eyes, "I told you I hardly knew who she was."

"You're right; it's none of my business." She became engrossed with her water bottle.

Sighing, I took the water bottle from her hands and stood her up.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"To my bedroom," I chuckled, finding her expression priceless.

"What?!" she choked out.

Though I was enjoying this way too much, I decided to put her little heart at ease. "I'll take the sofa, Bella."

"No, no, _no_. _I'll _take the sofa. This is _your_ country."

I bit my lower lip, desperate not to burst out laughing. Drunk, pissed off Bella would not have been pleased. "You mean my _apartment_?"

"Sure, sure. I don't know why we just don't sleep together."

I knew that she didn't mean it in a sexual way but I couldn't help but think of it like that. Immediately images of a naked Bella in the throes of passion assaulted my mind and I could think of nothing else as I held her warm body in my now shaking hands.

"Edward?"

I shook my head, trying in vain to clear my head of the lewd fantasies playing over and over again in my head.

"If that's what you want." Somehow I managed to sound like a pre-pubescent boy again.

When we reached my bedroom, she slowly spun so that her eyes met mine. Seductively, she pulled off her dress, maintaining eye contact the entire time. I don't know how I didn't ravage her on the spot. She now stood in a purple bra and panties set.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I asked, sounding like a worried little boy. I was surely regressing in Bella's presence.

"Getting ready for bed, Edward, what does it look like?" She smirked and I realized that drunk Bella knew exactly what she was doing.

She bit her lip and let her eyes drift down the expanse of my body and up again.

Fuck.

"Bella, I really think I should-"

"Shhh," she whispered, taking a step towards me. She grabbed for my hand and I foolishly let her take it. "Be mine tonight, Edward."

Her words startled me and terrified me at the same time. "What are you talking about?"

With the sexiest grin I have ever seen in my life, she took the hand holding mine and let it drag down her body, rubbing against her breasts. "Make love to me."

"I… can't. Bella, you're-"

"Shhh," she interrupted again. "I want this. I want this so badly, you have no idea."

I moaned at her words. She was seriously undermining my good intentions here. I couldn't cross this line with her. I couldn't.

I made a move to step back from her, firmly resolved to do the right thing and tell her plainly nothing was going to happen between us, when she whispered the one word that shattered my resolve and effectively screwed up my life in the most pleasant way possible.

"Please?"

I stood there, frozen, staring into her impossibly bright eyes for what felt like hours. In a small, cautious move, she stepped closer to me.

"I want you, Edward."

"This is what you want?"

I was a goner.

She nodded vehemently. "More than anything."

She was on my lips, then, pressing against them passionately and earnestly as though they could single-handedly cure every wrong in her life. Like a fool, I just stood there, running my hands across her body and letting my indecent lust take over.

I knew I was going to regret this. I knew it was going to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life to blur this boundary. I knew that this act could make Bella hate me forever.

But I couldn't help but respond to her tantalizing touches, her wicked whispers, her ready body.

"Please, Edward," she begged, her words dripping and raw with want.

How could I resist?

I wrapped my eager arms around her small frame and pulled her impossibly tight to me. The feeling was the definition of bliss. My cause certainly was lost before but I had still been hesitant to touch her too much. Now, I couldn't get enough; my hands were everywhere. I figured that as long as I was going to do this, I might as well let passion take its course.

Bella moaned in my mouth, aware now I was going to give in.

"Edward," she panted against my lips, rushing to take off my clothes. "Now, Edward. Now. _Please_."

That word again! Damn it! This girl was going to be the very death of me.

The beast inside me that had secretly desired Bella Swan for so long reared its ugly head. I was surprised at this insufferable want. I never knew I wanted her that way. I didn't pause to give it any serious thought. I smirked at her, no longer feeling human; I felt like some evil creature of the night.

She was distracted with the button on my jeans and I took the opportunity to catch her off guard. In a fast move, I had her pressed against the wall, my body fully pushing against hers.

"Oh," Bella moaned, flexing against my unrelenting form.

"I want you, too, Bella."

Her eyes fluttered open and met mine. It may sound like a cliché, but I really did lose myself in her eyes. If she hadn't started impatiently writhing beneath me, I likely wouldn't have taken any other kind of action. As it was, she was getting tired of my stare and wanted my touch. So I gave it to her, enthusiastically.

Slowly, so slowly it almost hurt me more than her, I teased the sensitive flesh between her legs. She let out the most delicious cry, making the situation even more difficult to handle. Briefly, I thought to myself that if she did that again, I would completely lose control and take her like some starved caveman.

And then she reached down and touched me where I needed her to most and all rational, human thought was gone. In the dark room, all that existed in the world was Bella- her moans, her eyes, her hands, her core. That's all.

I kissed her desperately, seeking something I couldn't identify and yet was terrified I wouldn't find. She pushed me and in my distracted state I was able to be moved. I stumbled slightly and then pulled her along with me onto the bed.

"We're really doing this," Bella muttered, mostly to herself, I think.

"Do you not want to?" I tried my best to remove all traces of disappointment from my voice.

"Of course I want to!" she yelled, pulling me closer to her by the pants I still had on.

I reached down and started to touch her between her legs again. My mouth found her breast and I lapped at it. The sounds she made drove me nearly insane and I found that as much as I was enjoying the foreplay, it couldn't last long.

My fingers sped against her flesh, desperate to push her to the edge I was teetering. I wanted the experience to be more than pleasurable for Bella.

Truth be told, as difficult as it was for me to watch her body's reactions to my touch and not pounce on her, I was enjoying it more than anything in the world. I had never seen Bella like this, so free, so euphoric. She was always worried about one thing or another. It was beautiful to see her so at ease and so pleasured and it thrilled me to know I had a hand in it. Literally.

We were both panting now, mouths open against one another. Her eyes penetrated mine, conveying secrets that were only meant for me to hear. I so desperately wanted to know everything that was going on inside her head.

"Enough playing, Edward."

Her last words were said so low and so firmly that I couldn't tease anymore, even if I wanted to.

I reached over into my drawer and pulled out a condom. My eyes searched hers for a moment and I waited, sensing she had something to say.

"Bella… are you sure you want this?"

She opened her mouth and closed it. Feeling guilty as shit, I started to move off of her. In a surprising move of force, she pulled me down against her with her clenched legs.

"Don't ask me again, Edward. Just take me."

And for the final time that night, I ignored the nagging voice of my conscience in my head and took what I wanted.

And now I was paying for it.

I didn't regret the night before, really. Not at all. It was amazing, what I could remember of it. That didn't mean it wasn't a mistake.

I shook my head at my stupidity and decided to take a shower. Everything was always better after a shower. Almost everything, anyway.

I scrubbed at my flesh, desperate to take my mind off of the numbing guilt I felt. I had taken advantage of Bella in the worst way possible. I was drunk, too, yes, but I should have known better. Me being drunk didn't excuse anything I did. Bella wasn't the type of girl you just randomly had sex with one night. She was the kind of girl who… I didn't know, exactly, but she certainly wasn't easy and I felt horrible and sick, thinking she was going to absolutely loathe me now. She was going to tell Alice what happened who in turn was going to kick my ass. I felt like a dog.

My mind started replaying the rest of my most unwelcome thoughts. I remembered Bella gasping as I entered her and crying out when I started to go faster. I cursed myself, desperately trying to think of the most unattractive things I'd ever seen. I thought about the time I walked in on my mom who was just wearing underwear, or when I caught Alice hooking up with Jasper in her bedroom. Nothing was helping.

Then the image of Bella coming came to mind and I knew it was game over. That particular memory refused to be tossed aside and I didn't want to forget it, either. I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Her throaty moan nearly did me in and then when she screamed out my name, I came harder than I ever had before. Nothing would ever bring me that much pleasure again. But it wasn't doing me any good thinking about that now; it was never going to happen again. I wouldn't let it. Sighing, I rubbed my flesh raw, trying my hardest to punish myself. I didn't deserve to get to think of Bella that way and I certainly didn't deserve to make love to her. For Bella's sake, I was going to pretend it didn't happen.

After I finished cleaning my body and berating myself, I stepped out of my shower and prepared myself for the fury and the pain that was waiting for me.

I opened the door and saw an adorably frazzled Bella, looking frantically for something.

"Good morning," I said, trying my hardest to sound normal.

She looked up, her infamous blush already in place. The reaction the sight had on me now was startling; I wanted to take her then and there. I was really losing my mind.

Her expression, however, thankfully stopped me. She looked absolutely horrified and repulsed. Great.

This was going to be a long day.


	7. Edward's Delusions

I was going to put this up sooner but I went home for the weekend and my poor laptop wasn't getting internet service. It was very, very frustrating. At least it's a long chapter.

I'm happy you all seem to like Edward's POV. This is a continuation of it, bringing us to the present. Next chapter will be more action.

Sorry if there are any errors or anything that doesn't make complete sense; I read this over and over and still wasn't 100% thrilled with it but I couldn't figure out why. Whatevs. Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

As Bella and I spoke in the kitchen, I tried my hardest not to remember how she looked naked. Something told me that those kinds of thoughts would be most unwelcome now.

She forgave me when I told her I had taken advantage of her and even tried to pin the blame on herself. Typical Bella. As we spoke about it, I noticed that she began to look sick. I felt horrible that she was so upset about the night before. I was upset, too, but I still counted it as one of my best nights ever. That proves how sick _I _am.

I called her a cab, thinking it was best for us at the moment to keep our distance. Though it seemed we had talked enough about the situation, I still didn't feel like it was resolved. The problem was that we would be seeing each other at Thanksgiving dinner. That was awkward enough; I didn't want to completely upset her beforehand.

Bella said she wanted to pretend like it never happened, which relieved me immensely. She didn't hate me and, though I was slightly disappointed that she seemed so opposed to the idea of me in general, I was grateful for it. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me or anything so I said something that would make one think Tanya and I were still an item. It was an immature thing to do but I didn't want her to think I was in love with her now or anything.

After she had left, I felt empty and confused. I shook my head at my absurdity. Bella Swan had never occupied my thoughts like this before. She had crossed my mind, no doubt, and I certainly found her attractive but since she was my sister's friend, I always considered her untouchable. It didn't matter how many times Alice tried to set us up; I always thought it felt wrong. Now that I'd had her and tasted her, I couldn't get her out of my head.

My phone rang, dragging me out of my wayward thoughts.

"Yeah," I answered, biting greedily into a bagel.

"Eddie," Tanya purred.

"Tanya," I sighed. This girl wasn't going to let go that easily.

"I remembered you said you might have band practice today… Could I come? We need to talk."

Damn it. I forgot I told her about that. I figured I should have her over. I owed a lot to her and I thought maybe after practice I could officially break things off with her.

I told her the necessary details and felt a little bit better for the first time that morning.

The calm I found in the morning was completely shattered when our new band member was unforgivably late to practice. The guy drove me crazy for multiple reasons but his tardiness was hands down the most frustrating.

"Relax, Edward, he'll show," Jasper said, trying his best to calm me down.

"I don't know why I even let him into the band," I growled. "I'm going to get coffee."

I figured a walk could do me good and coffee would certainly help me with my insufferable hangover. I took a few sips on my way back to the apartment and instantly felt at ease. Jacob was an ass who I'd deal with later.

As I walked into the apartment, my sanity was once again tested. Bella was sitting on my couch next to Alice, looking absolutely delicious. I tried my best to keep my face in a neutral mask as I walked over to greet them. When Jasper mentioned that Alice was coming over, the thought crossed my mind that she might bring Bella along since she was such a meddlesome wench sometimes. I wasn't entirely surprised but I wasn't pleased, either. I didn't want to see Bella so soon after the fact, especially since I was battling some kind of emotional war.

Alice asked me about Jacob, praising his abilities. Despite all of his fabulous abilities, he was a prick.

Then Jasper informed me that Jacob had texted him to tell him he was going to be a half hour late. This guy was unbelievable! Alice tried to keep talking about him but I quickly told everyone to get started. I certainly didn't feel like spending any time talking about him.

Before we could begin, my worst nightmare walked into the apartment.

"Eddie!" I looked up to see Tanya standing there, dressed in something shameful.

After I said hello, we began. I played her song for her, trying to butter her up. I hadn't technically written it for her but I played it for her whenever she was around. She stood up and started dancing just how I liked it. I knew I was ogling her but I couldn't help it; I'm a guy, after all.

Then Jacob walked in, once again acting as a wet blanket.

"Why don't you take a break, anyway?" Tanya whispered in my ear. "We really need to talk."

I decided to take her advice and she led me into her a bedroom. For a moment, I considered what the action must look like, especially to Bella, but when her lips found mine I put it out of my mind. I needed a distraction. I still found my thoughts reverting back to Bella, involuntarily comparing her soft, plump lips to Tanya's rough and small ones.

We made out for five minutes before I pushed her away gently. "Tanya-"

"We need to talk, Edward," she said firmly, cutting me off.

I nodded. We certainly did. I opened my mouth to speak but she cut me to the chase, again.

"What we have is really something special. I _adore_ you. But… I've found someone, someone who I feel completes me. His name is Tyler and you'd really like him if you met him."

I was confused at first. This was unusual. We hadn't hung out for a week or so but this was certainly unexpected.

"Look at his picture," she cooed, taking out a small photo of a decent-looking guy. "He's good to me."

I felt very happy for her. She wasn't really a bad girl… She just wasn't for me. Smiling, I stroked her face. "I'm glad."

She laughed and then her face sobered somewhat as she took a step towards me. "I really could have loved you, you know?"

"Yes," I sighed.

"You really can be a piece of shit sometimes, Eddie."

I inhaled deeply. "I know that, too."

With a sad smile, she touched my cheek. "But you _are_ a good kisser. One day you're going to meet a girl that's going to smack down all the walls you've built up. I only hope you're ready for her when she comes, otherwise you're going to fuck everything up."

"That was eloquently stated, Tanya," I chuckled.

"I'm serious. I don't think you realize the effect you have on women. Without meaning to, you lead them on."

Jesus. I felt worse enough already. This made me feel like dirt. "I'm sorry for that."

She shrugged. "You don't mean it. I just hope you'll come to your senses soon."

"So what were those kisses for?" I asked playfully, trying to change the subject. I hated it when girls started giving me the 'you're a dog' lecture.

"Eddie, darling, you can't possibly think I could resist one last chance to get one of your smooches."

She kissed me again and then held my hand and brought me back outside. I saw my sister's disgusted face and realized that I was right in my presumptions before; everyone probably thought we'd had a quickie. I knew I had a lot of girlfriends in the past but that didn't mean I'd have sex with my friends and family in the next room!

Bella's face confused me. She looked hurt or sick or something. Before I could spend any more time thinking about it, Tanya gave me a goodbye kiss and walked out.

I was beyond relieved _that_ was over. It certainly worked out better than I thought it would. I smiled, thinking about how incredibly fickle Tanya was. A few weeks ago, she was permanently attached to my arm. Now she was carrying around some guy's photo.

Practice continued smoothly. When it was over, I walked over to Alice and Bella and smiled.

"What did you guys think?"

"You're not that bad, _Eddie_," Alice laughed. Her eyes twinkled mischievously; she knew how much I hated being called Eddie. In a moment of weakness I'd confessed to her that Tanya called me it all the time and it drove me insane.

I looked over at Bella and she blushed. "What did _you_ think, Bella?" Anxiety pooled in my stomach as I suddenly realized how much her opinion mattered to me. I wanted her to like it. I wanted her to like _me_.

Where were these thoughts _coming from_?

"You were good." She looked extremely uncomfortable and I immediately felt guilty for talking to her. She wasn't ready to talk to me yet.

"Thank you." I looked up and saw Jacob leaning against the back of the couch. I'd been so caught up with Bella that I hadn't noticed him sneak up.

My jaw clenched immediately. I knew what he was thinking; Jacob was infamous for his exploits. He had more girls than _me_ and from what I heard, he treated them like crap. I was certainly no saint but I always made an attempt to be a gentleman. There was no way in hell I was going to let him take advantage of Bella.

I ignored the crushing feeling in my chest when I remembered that I had just taken advantage of Bella less than twelve hours before.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to these fine ladies, Edward?" Jacob asked.

I resisted the urge to punch him in the nose. I tried my best to sound nonchalant as I introduced Bella and Alice.

My stomach turned as I saw Bella's appraising look that ended with a small, satisfied smile. She couldn't possibly think he was attractive… Could she?

Not that it necessarily mattered. Bella was her own woman, after all. But I had to warn her about Jacob at some point- it was the least I could do.

I tried to get him out of there but the bastard wouldn't budge. When I once again tried to drop a not-so-subtle hint, Bella thought I was talking to _her_. Truth be told, I didn't want her to go anywhere.

It horrified me that she thought I meant her. "I didn't mean that _you_ had to leave, Bella. I just-"

"Wanted _me_ to leave," Jacob finished. Damn right.

Bella said she had to get ready, anyway, and before I knew what happened, Bella was leaving with Jacob. The scoundrel was taking her home. I freaked out as all the possible scenarios ran through my head. I was about to race after them and stop the madness when Jasper stopped me.

"Dude… You know I love you like a brother but you're acting like a major ass right now."

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

He rolled his eyes and snorted. "I know you and Bella did something last night. I can see it all over you."

Shit. "Is it that obvious?" I asked in a small voice.

He shrugged. "To me but you know I'm an excellent observer."

"Did you tell Alice?"

"Honestly, man, I think she already knows," he told me sheepishly. "You know Alice knows everything."

My eyes clenched shut and I rubbed my face. I was beyond tired.

"I have to tell you that having sex with Tanya while we were all here probably wasn't the best move. I think you really hurt her."

My eyes popped open at that. "I didn't have sex with Tanya," I told him gravely.

"Oh. Okay."

"Seriously, Jasper." He nodded at me but I wasn't so sure he believed me.

"Whatever, man, I'm just telling you what it looked like. Bella seemed upset."

I ran my hand through my hair and tried desperately to come up with some sort of solution.

"Did you sleep with Bella?"

I met his eyes and nodded slowly, extremely ashamed. I thought he was going to punch me or tell me what an asshole I was. Instead, he grinned.

"What's with you?" I asked.

"It's about time, is all. The two of you are meant to be."

"That's ridiculous."

He shrugged again. "It's the truth. Look at you; you're a mess. No girl has ever made you act like this."

I tensed. "I'm not acting like anything."

"So what happened to the girl you made out with last night?" I could tell Jasper was trying to change the subject.

"Oh, Jesus. She practically pounced on me and I was too drunk to say no. I got rid of her when I saw how upset Bella was at the bar."

Jasper just stared at me. "What?" I asked, a little pissed off. I think I was mainly paranoid.

"What are you going to do about Bella?"

"Nothing," I sighed.

He raised his eyebrows. "Nothing?"

"Nothing," I repeated. "We talked a little this morning and I made it clear that it would go nowhere."

He stared at me again. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's _your_ problem?" He was getting on my nerves.

"Edward, when are you going to grow up? You never have a serious girlfriend, you drift through life, and you dodge all real possibilities with girls… It's not so amusing anymore. All your friends have girlfriends, now. Look at how happy Ben and Angela are. Look at me and Alice."

"I'm not ready for commitment," I said firmly. "I have enough on my plate. And even if I were looking for a girlfriend, it wouldn't be Bella."

"Why not?"

"She's my sister's best friend! That would be wrong on so many levels."

He looked at me like I had fifty heads. "You're a moron, Edward. Alice practically throws Bella at you every chance she gets. That's not a legitimate excuse."

"Just because Alice is too immature to see the difficulties doesn't mean I have to be."

"Edward," Jasper groaned, "will you ever see the light?"

"There's also the matter of Bella being way out of my league."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I can't disagree with you there. But I have a feeling she wouldn't be opposed to you, Edward."

"I don't deserve her," I said quietly, staring out the window.

"Probably not," Jasper agreed. "That doesn't mean she won't want you."

"Jasper!" Alice called from across the apartment, "your parents are expecting us any minute."

"Be right there," he yelled back. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "I wish I didn't have to spend any time at my parents."

I laughed half-heartedly. He took a step to walk away but then turned back.

"Look, Edward, all I'm trying to say is you have an opportunity here. Even if you don't deserve it, even if you think you don't want it right now, you shouldn't waste it. If you ignore these feelings you have for Bella, which I know for a fact are there, you're going to come to regret it someday. You can see what a prize she is. She's not going to be available for long and you have the capacity to really break her. You're already on the path to doing that. Man up and stop ignoring her, at least. You had sex with her. That changes everything."

I shut my eyes. "I know."

After they left, I got ready quickly and raced back to my parents' house. I wanted to talk to Bella before everyone got there. I was shocked to find she hadn't arrived yet. It had been at least twenty minutes since they left. What were they up to? If Jacob tried anything on her…

I paced around the house and ignored my mother who was shooting me amused looks from the kitchen. After what seemed like ages, which was in reality five minutes, Jacob's piece of crap pulled up. I glared out of the window, trying to communicate to him with my eyes that this was certainly not okay.

Bella clumsily got out of the car and looked back at me anxiously. I could tell her face was flushed and my fists clenched at the various things the two of them could have been doing all this time. My rational side knew Bella wasn't that kind of girl but the primitive animal inside of me wasn't so sure.

When she came into the house, I ran up to her and demanded to know where she had been. Not the most tactful think to do, I know, but I was angry. I was taking my anger out on the wrong person, but that couldn't stop me.

After Emmett came in to see what the ruckus was about, I realized how horrible my actions were. It didn't take away my anger but it immediately made me feel remorseful. Alice pranced in, home early from Jasper's, and shot me another disgusted look. Bella's hurt and frightened expression broke my heart as Alice brought her upstairs.

"What's with you, dude?" Emmett asked, shaking his head in astonishment. "You're acting like a jealous boyfriend."

"I am not," I ground out through clenched teeth. "Bella got a ride home with that Jacob guy I was telling you about the other day."

He looked at me and blinked in confusion. "So?"

"So he's a mongrel! God knows what he tried on her."

He shook his head at me again. "First of all, dude, no one in respectable society ever says the word "mongrel". Just so you know. Second of all, you're a tool. He just gave her a ride home. What's the big deal?"

I exhaled in frustration but said no more. Sometimes Emmett was so dense.

As I waited impatiently for Bella to come back downstairs, my actions since this morning replayed in my head. I couldn't believe I was such a complete ass. Everything I had done was unforgivable. Even if Bella had hated me and thought I was despicable for taking advantage of her, I shouldn't have treated her the way I did. I practically tossed her aside after we had sex, even though that wasn't what I intended.

By the time she came down for dinner, I felt sick. I met her eyes, desperately trying to convey my apologies but she looked away. Alice organized the seats so I couldn't look at her without craning my neck and for the first time in my life, I wish Alice had meddled.

Then the little devil asked me about Tanya. Alice pissed me off frequently but I never, ever wanted to inflict any kind of bodily harm… Until now.

"We're not together, Alice," I managed to say. She was lucky I wasn't screaming.

Thankfully the topic of conversation moved away from me but I frowned when I realized it was just as upsetting. I learned that Bella was going to London for an internship.

"Why do you want to go to _London_?" I asked, genuinely curious about what the city held for her. The tone of my voice was harsh from surprise. Jasper shook his head at me.

Alice immediately jumped to her defense, however. Before I could help myself, I dug a bigger hole.

"I don't think Bella's going to like it there."

When Carlisle attempted to correct me, I got annoyed. Bella didn't belong in London.

"I'm just being honest," I told him. "Bella is… how shall I put it? Fragile. She's going to be off on her own in a foreign country for a long period of time. That's a lot to take in."

Okay, I was being a douche but I couldn't help it. I was getting a panicky feeling in my stomach that was making me act irrationally.

Rosalie intercepted me, agitating me further. My family just didn't know when to stop.

"You're going to be home in a week, Bella," I continued on. Apparently I didn't either.

I didn't know what got into me. Words were just flying out of my mouth .My only justification is the jumble of emotions raging through my body.

I was stunned, despite my acknowledgement of my behavior, when my father banged his fist on the table in order to stop me. I would have been grateful for the interruption had he not embarrassed me. Again, I acted out without thinking and started to get up rather than just apologize to everyone.

My mother and Bella soothed us and we went back to an awkward dinner. The peace did not last long, however. The topic of relationships and settling down was brought up and I couldn't help but get a little aggravated. I thought back to what Jasper told me about my inability to commit and how I should consider pursuing a serious relationship. When Jacob was brought up in relation to Bella, I could no longer control myself.

When Emmett made a comment about Bella moving on fast, I muttered in agreement. It wasn't fair but my filter had disappeared sometime during the afternoon. Then I added on to my horrible comment, saying something about Bella going after the worst kinds of guys. When I looked over at her, my stomach dropped. She looked really upset. Jasper looked at me like I was some sort of sick animal and I couldn't blame him. Even if she went after the wrong kinds of guys, she certainly had enough sense to stay away from me. Except for last night, anyway.

My parents went into the kitchen for a bit and then Jasper had to go and bring up Tanya. Was he trying to drive me insane?

I couldn't figure out why he was bringing her up, especially in regards to the cabin, after making such a point about Bella being upset about her before. Then his grin gave him away; the bastard was trying to coax me out. I wouldn't play into his hands. It blew up in his face when Alice asked if Bella could come along. I could tell he wasn't expecting that. He had to admit that the cabin belonged to Tanya, which of course enraged Alice and made Bella blush. Alice vehemently protested going. I quickly set things, straight, however, and made it clear to Bella and to a revolted Alice that Tanya and I were over. Alice didn't buy it.

"I think it's _funny_," she hissed, "that you claim to not be with this girl and yet she's coming over for afternoon sex while we're all out in the living room and inviting you to her cabin on the weekends."

Now that pissed me off. "I didn't have sex with her this afternoon."

She scoffed at me. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down, but my composure was lost when she referred to the girls I hung out with as "sluts". That hurt, mainly because it inferred something not so nice about me. Plus, I was still a gentleman, despite my recent behavior. I didn't think of them as sluts and I didn't think it was very becoming of Alice to call them that.

It made me mad that she painting me out to be some disgusting man-whore, especially in front of Bella who looked absolutely horrified. Alice was belittling me and seriously ticking me off.

Before I could reach over and strangle her little neck, our parents walked in. My mother immediately assumed that the tension in the room was because of me. It wasn't an unfair observation, of course. But, because I was embarrassed, annoyed, frustrated, etc., I blew up.

"Why do you automatically assume it's me? What is this, attack Edward day?"

Emmett shushed me up and I sat down, brooding. I looked over at Bella and her expression devastated me. She looked ill. I scowled, thoroughly pissed off with my family's antics.

The night only got worse from there. Bella stood and excused herself to go to bed, obviously lying through her teeth. Everyone glared at me menacingly, knowing I was the cause. My mother stared at me questioningly and I knew she was trying to figure out why I was behaving this way.

Alice and Rose got up to go into the living room and chat, but not before sending me some more disapproving looks. I felt something cold and gooey hit my neck as Alice walked past. When I pulled off the offending gunk and examined it, I realized it was cranberry sauce. Well, I guess I deserved that.

Jasper pulled me aside and all but tore me apart.

"I'm not going to stand by and let you treat Bella this way."

I snorted. "What's it to you?"

Wow, I was on a roll tonight. The words were just falling out of my mouth. I didn't mean any of them.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Alice is the most important thing in the world to me and Bella is one of the most important things to her. Bella is my friend, too, and you're being a major dick. Cut the shit, Edward. If you don't want her, fine, but stop acting like this. You're making things a million times worse."

"You don't know anything," I sneered.

"I know when you're being a shit. You're being a shit, Edward."

I looked down and my body relaxed. "I know."

"I think you should apologize to her."

Sighing, I nodded. "I think so, too. She probably wants nothing to do with me."

Jasper looked at me curiously. "What do _you_ want from _her_?"

"I just want Bella to be happy," I mumbled.

He sighed and started to walk away. "I hope you figure things out before it's too late. Bella won't wait forever. She has a long line of guys begging to be with her."

I was about to find out how right he was.


	8. Friend Is A Four Letter Word

Sorry it took me so long to update! This is like the 5th time I wrote this chapter. I don't have my laptop with me this break so I'm using an unfamiliar one and I successfully made this chapter disappear a thousand times because I'm a moron when it comes to all this technological crap. I'm 19 and my mother is 60 and I think she knows more than I do. It was completely devastating to lose all that work! As a result, I changed my mind a dozen times and came out with something completely different than what I originally planned. I kinda like it, though, and I hope you do, too. Thanks for all the reviews, by the way. They really inspire me and make me feel good. I love you all.

PS- went to see the movie for the 4th time today because I'm a freak. Good stuff. Not great but more than tolerable (haha). What were your thoughts?

Hope all Americans had a good Thanksgiving. I can't believe people got trampled today over sales, though... I wonder if Alice had anything to do with that.

* * *

"Alice," I said menacingly, thrusting my phone back at her, "fix this."

She laughed and shook her head. "Not a chance. This is just what you need."

All I saw was red. I clenched my fists, begging myself to see reason and not hit her.

_She's your best friend_, I reminded myself. The smug smile on her face was making me desperately want to forget that.

"Can I speak to you for a minute? Alone?"

Alice started to look worried. Good.

We walked out into the hallway and I almost smiled when I saw her ringing her hands.

"Bella-"

"No, Alice. _I'll_ be doing the talking. You of all people know how hard my break-up was for me, whether or not I realize now how much of jerk Mike was to me. And you know what happened with your brother was ten times as bad. I don't understand why you're doing this to me." I had started out sounding confident but ended up sounding like a pathetic mess by the end.

"You need to get back out there!" Alice cried, her beautiful face scrunched up with anxiety. "I was just trying to help."

My tense posture relaxed somewhat at that. I knew she was trying to help. I knew that with my whole heart and I loved her for it. But she had to know when to butt out.

"I know and I appreciate that but I really need my space right now. Remember when Tony Pappa broke up with you and you had a pity-filled week? I sat on the sofa with you and ate ice cream before I kicked your ass to get back out there. I did _not_ set you up on dates!"

"It's been more than a week, Bella," she murmured quietly. "I'm worried about you."

"I know," I sighed, "but after Edward…" It hurt to even say his name. "He really hurt me, Alice," I said in a small voice. "It's silly, I know, but..."

Alice looked really upset and I felt incredibly guilty. "I'm sorry, Bella. I really wasn't thinking. Can I tell you something without pissing you off?"

I nodded, not so sure I could promise that.

"I kind of did it… to… well… piss Edward off."

Shaking my head at her, I asked, "What makes you think that would piss him off?"

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "_What_ am I going to do with you? You're even more clueless than he is, and that's saying something." Her smile faded and she looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry. I really am. If you want I'll call Jacob and explain the whole thing."

"It's too late," I sighed. "Maybe it will actually do me some good. He is a fun person to be around. I just hope he doesn't have the wrong idea."

She smiled and playfully pinched my cheek. "I love you. And I promise not to be a pain in the ass anymore."

"Thank you," I said with relief. "Let's go back in there."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, my phone vibrated.

"Hello?" Of course my voice shook.

"Hey," Jacob said in his relaxed voice. "I'm here."

I looked over at my friends who were all staring at me intently. "Um… okay. I'll be right there."

"Why don't you invite him inside?" Emmett asked, trying his best to make it sound like an innocent suggestion.

"Who was that?" Jacob sounded hurt. Fabulous.

"My friend, Emmett. Everyone is over."

"Oh, well maybe me coming in isn't such a bad idea. I can't come up with anything else to do. Do you think that's okay?"

Alice was sitting next to me so she heard everything he said. She nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Sure. I'll come open the door for you."

I shut my phone with a tired sigh and got up. I noticed Edward glaring at me and I stopped in my tracks. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he muttered, looking over at Jasper who I noticed was staring at the both of us intently. What was their _deal_?

A soft knock at the door made me forget all about their ridiculousness as a flurry of angry butterflies erupted in my belly. I slowly made my way over to the door and opened it to reveal a beaming Jacob.

"Hi," he breathed, gazing into my eyes with such an intensity I blushed.

"Hello," I whispered, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. "Come in."

Jacob followed me into the living room and muttered a "hello". I noticed Edward's ferocious glare and rolled my eyes. That was really getting old; we were definitely going to have a chat. I disagreed with Alice's statement, however. He was threatened by Jake on some level, no doubt, but it didn't have anything to do with me.

An awkward silence persisted until Jasper, bless him, began chatting with Jacob about some gig they had the next day at a birthday party. Edward studiously ignored them and stared at the coffee table.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, wishing desperately I could just have a _peek _into his mind. He was beyond an enigma. As though he could sense my stare, his penetrating eyes lifted to mine. The rest of the room was nonexistent to me; all that mattered was Edward. I don't know how long we stared at each other like that until Jake's polite throat-clearing pervaded my daze.

"I should get going," he said softly. "It's late."

Guilt overwhelmed me. Sure, Alice had invited him but he had come all this way just to spend a little time with me. I looked over at the clock and saw that he had been there for a whole hour, and instead of chatting with him, I pretended to not be staring at Edward as I grunted distracted answers and comments during whatever conversation everyone had been having. I had acted terribly.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, taking me out of my berating thoughts.

I nodded and went outside to the front porch with him. We were silent for a moment as we stared out at the falling snow. Then he cleared his throat again and looked over at me.

"Have you told him how you feel yet?"

I stared back at him. "Who?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "He loves you, too, you know."

I sighed, figuring I might as well give it up. "No, he doesn't." I tried to not sound pathetically sad, truly I did, but I failed pitifully.

Jake reached over and pulled me into a tight hug. "Honestly, I don't know how you don't see it. It's written all over him."

"I don't even think he _likes_ me," I protested.

"Well, then you're even more clueless than I thought," he responded simply. He stroked my back in a comforting gesture and I realized how lucky I was to have met him.

"You're a great guy, you know," I whispered into his ear. He took a deep breath and looked down into my eyes, his arms still wrapped around my waist.

"It's all an act. Inside I want to run inside and rip his throat out."

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

He smiled sadly at me and looked down. "I know I barely know you but I feel a connection with you. Another time, maybe, we could have had a chance. I don't have much luck in love… Anyway, he gets to have you fall in love with him and, instead of jumping at the chance, he's acting like a prick."

I laughed at that and shook my head. "You're nuts." Then I looked down, too, and blushed. "Thank you for everything you said. I feel a connection with you, too. But… more as… friends."

I reluctantly looked up and saw him nodding. "I figured," he said lowly. "I really like you, you know."

I nodded. "I like you, too."

He shook his head and glared at the house behind me. "I wish I met you before. I wish you didn't love him so much."

"Me, too," I said half-heartedly. Life would certainly have been easier on me, for sure, but I couldn't regret loving Edward. It broke my heart every day but it was worth it.

"So, friends?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled broadly. "Friends."

He leaned down to kiss my cheek and then wrapped me up in a big hug again.

A slamming door behind me made me jump and step back. I whirled around to see a frenzied-looking Edward standing there, staring at me in a way that made me shrink back involuntarily.

"Don't let me interrupt," he said icily, stalking past us and over to his car.

He sped away, leaving behind sputtering snow.

"What a moron," Jake snickered. He looked over at me and his face softened. "One day he's going to realize what he's going to be missing and he's going to feel like such an _ass_."

"Right," I said sarcastically.

"Well, I should go," he sighed. "Can I call you sometime?"

"Please," I said firmly. Already I could feel that Jacob was going to become a very good friend. It was amazing how much I felt like I knew him, though I met him less than 12 hours before.

He kissed my cheek again and then with a grin and a wave, he was on his way home.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. Alice had gone over to Jasper's and I was left alone in her room. It was stuffy in there from the heating. I kicked off the sheets and laid there in only my underwear.

I was thoroughly exhausted, both physically and mentally, and it was majorly pissing me off that I couldn't fall asleep. Slowly, I drifted into a semi-conscious state.

Then I heard a creak from somewhere inside the pitch-black room and I sprung up in bed. "Who's there?" I whispered breathlessly.

I turned on the lamp and gasped when I saw a dripping wet Edward standing in the corner of the room.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he murmured huskily. The timbre of his voice immediately set my body aflame. How did he _do_ that?

"What are you doing here?" I managed to get out, clutching my chest in a feeble attempt to calm my pounding heart.

He hesitated and then came over to sit on the edge of the bed. "It's really snowing out now… That's why I'm so wet."

I quirked an eyebrow at the subject change but played along. "What were you doing? Pacing in the snow?"

He smiled faintly and nodded. "Pretty much. I had a lot to think about."

I bit my lip and felt my stomach jump when I saw Edward's eyes linger on my mouth. "Care to share?"

His evergreen-colored eyes, darker now at night, popped back up to mine. "Yes. We really need to talk."

I looked down at my hands, frightened to start but eager to put a rest to all of this uncomfortable bullshit. "Yeah," I agreed, "we really do."

"Will you have dinner with me tomorrow?" The fierce determination in his eyes would have convinced me to say yes even if I didn't want to.

I nodded my head vehemently and didn't bother to check the excitement in my voice when I whispered a rushed, "Yes."

The corner of his mouth lifted and he looked down at my lips. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I'm sorry for coming in here, at all. It was very inappropriate of me."

I opened my mouth to speak but suddenly he stroked my cheek and the burning touch effectively shut me up. "More importantly, I have to apologize for my behavior lately. I don't quite understand it myself." He nudged over closer to me and let his hand travel down to my neck. "I've apparently lost all sense of self-control lately." His hand dropped lower to my collarbone. "I wonder why that is."

I sucked in an uneven breath and my eyes closed involuntarily. "You're really confusing me," I whispered.

Edward's hand was immediately gone and I ached for his touch once again. "I'm sorry." He had the decency to sound ashamed.

Suddenly anger- unadulterated, full-blown anger- washed over me. "You should be. You've been a little shit lately."

He smiled and it seemed like he was remembering something. "So I've heard."

"I don't understand," I muttered pathetically.

His hand was now on my bare arm, trickling down and leaving pleasant tingles in its wake. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I know I've been very unfair. I promise to explain tomorrow."

"Are you mad at me or something?" I asked anyway. I wasn't so sure I wanted an answer but the question just flew out of my mouth.

He smiled again and shook his head slowly, his glowing eyes dipping down to take in my form before lifting back up to my gaze. "Not at all, Bella. That's just silly."

My eyes narrowed. "What what else am I supposed to think?" I snapped. "You've been acting shitty to me all day."

Edward sighed and stood. "You should be pissed at me now."

"Well I am," I said back hotly. "I haven't even _started_ bitching you out yet."

He looked amused but didn't say anything. Smart choice.

"So you'll explain everything tomorrow?" I sighed, rubbing my face in frustration. We obviously weren't going to get anywhere tonight.

"Yes," he said fiercely. "I swear."

"I'm sorry, too," I said suddenly, looking down at the floor.

He sat down on the bed again and lifted my face up. "What for?"

"I made things weird by… sleeping with you." I was blushing outrageously as I muttered this.

Edward dropped his hand and shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. It's not your fault. And don't forget you weren't alone." For a moment his face looked pained and then his expression smoothed as he stood again. "I should go. Don't worry, Bella. We'll talk tomorrow and work everything out. We'll always be friends."

Before I could respond, he was across Alice's room and out the door.

As I lay awake that night, staring at Alice's plastic star adorned ceiling, Edward's voice saying the word "friend" replayed over and over again.

I never thought I deserved more than friendship. Hell, I never _expected_ to get anything more. But hearing Edward say that, confirm that, broke my heart. It was irrational, for sure, but I couldn't help the unbelievable, ineffable sadness that consumed me.

I longed for our talk so that I could be close to him, so that I could hear his voice, so that I could have an excuse to look into his eyes. But I dreaded it something fierce at the same time. Edward was going to tell me he was repulsed and that's why he was acting that way. Edward was going to call me his _friend _again. Edward was going to make it clear that I was never going to be anything more. And I just couldn't bear it.

More and more I was coming to the conclusion that coming home with Alice for Thanksgiving was my biggest mistake to date. And yet my favorite one, as well.

What a stupid girl I was.

* * *

What did you think? I had a fight between Edward & Jacob in one of the drafts but honestly that's so cliched. There's plenty of drama ahead so we don't need that. Besides, how hot is a wet Edward lingering in Bella's bedroom in the middle of the night?

Until next time.


	9. Rain Keeps Falling Down

We have a big chapter ahead of us because I wanted to make it to the dinner... I thought it would be pretty mean, indeed, if I put up a chapter and made you wait for the rest! Pfft! Please read the author note at the bottom because I need your input.

Thanks for all the reviews and everything. They make writing this so much fun.

* * *

I woke up to a different Cullen in the morning; a gleefully grinning Alice was perched over me, fully dressed.

"Ah!" I cried, jumping up and nearly knocking my head with hers in the process.

"'Morning Bella!" she sang. "I'm so happy you're up!"

"Ugh," I groaned, massaging my sore head, "I'm not 'up'. Why the hell were you staring at me like that? You're so creepy."

She feigned hurt. "But… you're cute when you sleep."

"Alice," I said threateningly.

"Fine," she sighed, "I woke you up. I wasn't watching you sleep… technically."

I just nodded absently and silently accepted the steaming cup of coffee she handed me. I forgave her, mainly due to her gift of caffeine.

She cleared her throat and I could tell something was on her mind. She was practically bursting with the need to talk about something.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked testily.

She looked over at me innocently but wisely gave up the ruse when she saw my expression.

"Have you… spoken to Edward yet?"

She studied the carpet as I let out a tired breath. "He came to me last night."

"What?" she gasped as her head popped up. "What does that mean?"

I didn't want to tell her exactly what happened because I knew she would get carried away but I couldn't lie, either. She'd notice and decide to inflict some horrible kind of torture on me, like dragging me with her to go shopping on Black Friday or something.

Now it was my turn to gasp. Wait a minute.

"Alice Cullen, what time is it?"

Alice averted her eyes again and this time studied my lamp. I looked over to the window and saw it was still pitch black out.

"Alice."

She looked up at me with such a desperate expression that I almost felt bad. Almost.

"But you know it's the most important day to me!"

"Why can't you take Rosalie?" I huffed, knowing I was going to lose anyway.

Alice snorted. "She won't be able to pry herself from Emmett that long. And they went home earlier, anyway."

"What about Jasper?"

"You know how he feels about shopping…**.** It's his one flaw. Plus, he has that gig later on."

I sighed. "You know, sometimes I really hate being your friend."

Then Alice's face lit up and I knew it was worth a day of inexplicable misery to see that expression. "But it's the times you love that count! Thank you so much, Bella!"

I muttered a "whatever" and somehow found the strength to stand. I looked over at the digital alarm clock and saw **5:30** in red. I glared over at her and she shrugged sheepishly. Bitch.

I put one leg in my jeans as she said nonchalantly, "So. You never explained how you came to speak with Edward."

My eyes clenched with frustration. I should have known she wouldn't be distracted that easily.

"I woke up and he was here. He asked me to have dinner with him tonight."

Suddenly Alice was in front of me, practically doing jumping-jacks. "Are you serious?! That's amazing! Oh my, God we must get you something _gorgeous_ for you to wear tonight."

"Please, Alice, don't start," I groaned.

"Sorry, sorry," she said hurriedly. "I just… I'm happy. I'm sorry, I just am. I hope he got himself together."

"He's probably going to reiterate what a mistake it was and ask me not to come over anymore because the sight of me makes him want to spew intestine."

Alice's beautiful face scrunched up in disgust. "Okay, first of all- _ew_. Second of all, you're as dumb as Edward sometimes. He wouldn't invite you out to _dinner_ to tell you that stuff."

"Whatever, let me go get changed and we'll go." I was tired of having this back and forth crap.

Ten minutes later I was dressed and ready to go. Jeans and a sweatshirt seemed ideal to me but apparently not to my best friend, who was wearing a pretty dress. I ignored Alice's sigh and put-out look as I threw on my coat.

"Do you do it on purpose, Bella?"

I laughed. "Sometimes."

She smirked but tried to hide it as she walked out to her car. "Let's go, Bella. We need to get you some new clothes before_ somebody_ sends you on 'What Not To Wear'."

That stopped me in my tracks. "You wouldn't dare."

"Stacy and Clinton might be able to offer you better insight than I can," she said innocently, as though she didn't know the rage and fear she were invoking.

I silently got into the passenger seat and ignored her grin of triumph.

* * *

Shopping was as interesting an experience as always. Alice insisted that she buy me a couple of things, despite my complaining. I liked what she bought me, however, though I'd never tell _her_ that. She also bought me some nice lingerie at the end of our adventure that made me roll my eyes.

"I don't have anyone to show that to, Alice."

She rolled her eyes back at me and handed the lady her credit card. "Sometimes you just have to wear it for yourself."

Hours later, I had a throbbing headache and numb legs.

"Thanks so much for coming with me, Bella!" Alice chirped, hopping up and down so violently that she shook the car. She sped into her driveway and grinned at me.

I followed her into the house warily, clutching about ten bags in my hands. Thankfully, Jasper was standing right inside and took a great deal of them from me.

Alice had disappeared somewhere upstairs to put some of her new purchases on for Jasper.

"I don't think Jasper cares about what you bought," a beautiful voice called out from upstairs.

I heard Alice's answering snort and then I saw Edward at the top of the stairs. His eyes immediately found mine and our gaze held as he descended.

"Hey," he said softly.

I bit my lip to stop myself from inexplicably screeching out "I love you" or something and muttered a "hey" back.

The hallway was tense and I was beginning to wish I'd taken up Alice's offer of joining her. Just as I was about to make an awkward escape, Jasper cleared his throat.

"I better go help her. There's always at least twenty things she buys that have zipper issues."

Edward and I laughed politely.

And then we were alone.

I stared at the picture of a younger Emmett, Edward, and Alice hanging on the wall. Next to it was a picture of Alice and me under their tree in the front lawn.

"You haven't changed much," Edward laughed, nodding at the picture.

I smiled. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

His smile faded. "Good. Very good."

I eyed him questioningly but was interrupted by a big crashing sound coming from upstairs in Alice's room.

"BELLA?!" Alice screeched from upstairs. "I NEED YOUR HELP. JASPER DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE SUBTLETIES OF COLOR!"

Edward burst out laughing and I just shook my head at the ceiling. "Where did your sister _come from_?"

"We're still trying to figure that out," Edward joked back. "You better get up there before she has another clothing-induced panic attack."

I nodded and smiled shyly. "Okay."

As grateful as I was to Alice for helping me avert an incredibly embarrassing situation, I felt empty and disappointed as I walked away from him. I also felt terribly insecure; he hadn't mentioned the dinner again. Did he forget? Change his mind? Come to his senses?

As uncomfortable as I was with it all, I really _did_ want to talk to him. I felt like we couldn't just leave this as it was. This kind of weirdness would stick with us our whole lives if we didn't get it straight. I loved Edward, and even if he didn't love me back, I still wanted him to be a part of my life.

"Bella?" he called softly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him over my shoulder.

"Don't forget about dinner tonight. I'll be knocking on Alice's door at 7:30." His expression was unfathomable but there was no denying his smoldering eyes or the way his lips parted.

I nodded and then ran the rest of the way up the stairs. My heart was pounding as I walked into Alice's closet. Jasper was sitting in the corner, his face in his hands.

"Bella, explain to Jasper why I can't mix patterns. Honestly, Jazz, even _BELLA_ understands these kinds of things!"

She looked over at me and I must have still been in my daze because her words sounded like muddled vibrations with no meaning.

"Bella?"

I blinked.

"Bella?!"

Alice's panicking voice broke through to me.

"Sorry, what?"

Alice shook her head and muttered "unbelievable" under her breath. "Forget it, Bella. Jazz, get out. Bella and I have things to discuss."

Jasper looked like he had just met Jesus with the way he was smiling and practically dancing out of the room.

Sighing, Alice looked over at me. "Sometimes I wonder about him."

I laughed. "What do you want to talk about?"

Alice got that mischievous sparkle in her eye. "You ensemble choices for tonight."

"Well, I guess I could use all the help I could get," I sighed honestly.

Alice looked like she was having a conniption. Her eye twitched and she stared at me in disbelief.

"What is it?" I asked, truly alarmed. Had I unknowingly stepped on her Prada bag again? I looked around in fear.

"Did… Bella… Swan just give me free reign over her fashion choices?"

I moaned and rubbed my face. "Just for tonight."

What the hell was I getting myself into? All rationality had officially left me somewhere along the lines.

Alice's face lit up and she jumped- literally jumped in the air- with joy. "Oh, honey, that's all I need! This is so exciting! Let me go get my camera! Ah!"

She practically pushed me to the ground as she flew past me. I let myself sink into her dresses.

What have I done?

* * *

I glanced nervously at the clock.

"Stop it, Bella."

"What?" I asked innocently, staring back at Alice in the mirror's reflection.

"You keep looking at the time. You're making it go slower than it has to."

I sighed and closed my eyes as Alice continued to tease out the knots in my hair. I smiled as I listened to her mumble "what does she do to it?" and "I think I just found a penny" as she furiously worked to make me into a model for the night.

"I wonder if we should change you back into the blue dress," Alice said, more to herself than me.

"I like the black."

"Well, _of course_ you like the black! It's not that daring!"

I snorted. "Look at how low the top is."

"Oh, get over it, Bella," Alice groaned, rolling her eyes. "This is fashion. If you want to go out tonight looking like a dumpy farmer than by all means but you gave me permission to work my magic and until you run away screaming that's what I shall do."

"Fine," I sighed, feeling bad. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful."

"I'm used to it," Alice said, smirking. "Do you want to try on the blue dress again or are you more comfortable in the black?"

"I'll stay in this," I said.

"You're not just being lazy, are you?" she asked suspiciously.

"_No_."

She didn't look like she believed me but she let it go. "I'm leaving your hair down. Don't let it drop into your food like you always do."

I tried to keep my eyes from rolling since she could see my reflection. Slowly… slyly… I glanced over at the clock.

I felt my shoulders sag. It was only 6:57.

"I'm going to rip your eyeballs out with bobby pins."

I giggled and she joined in. We quickly shut up when we heard a firm but soft knock at the door.

"Yeah?" Alice called out, elbowing me painfully with her sharp bone as her eyebrows danced up and down suggestively.

"Stop it," I hissed. "You're hurting me!"

"It's Edward. Is Bella ready yet? I thought maybe we could go early…."

"No, Edward, she's not ready yet. You'll just have to wait."

I heard him sigh and then shuffle off. Alice turned to my reflection and quirked an eyebrow.

"I am going to murder you!" I whispered. "I _am_ ready. You're just being psycho and doing the same thing over and over again."

"Lesson number one… never give them what they want. He said 7:30 and now he has to stick to it."

I stared back at her silence for a few moments until I stood and ripped the brush from her hand. "You're delusional."

"And you're nervous. Sit down and calm down. It's just my asshole brother."

I scowled at her but plopped down on her bed.

She skipped over and sat next to me, ignoring the dirty look I shot her. "What will you do if he tries to kiss you?"

My heart practically burst in my chest at the prospect and the involuntary mental image that popped up in my head. Then I was forced to face reality. "Alice…**.** Get a grip."

"It's possible."

"It's as possible as Emmett becoming a vegetarian."

Alice's nose crinkled. "That's not fair, Bella. Emmett is a carnivore."

We laughed at that and then we heard another knock, this time slightly more insistent.

"What?" Alice called out.

"It's Edward, again. I can hear you two talking."

I nearly fainted. Alice's face matched my own panicked one; had he heard us talking about the possible kiss?

"So what?" Alice asked, her voice trying to sound confident but breaking anyway.

"So I know you're not helping her get ready anymore. I'm hungry!"

"For your information, Eddie, we're talking as we work. Girls can multi-task." She shot me a grin but I was still having a heart attack.

He groaned in frustration and stomped off.

"Now you're just being ridiculous."

She chuckled and stood up. "Let's apply some more lip-gloss."

"I hate lip-gloss," I muttered moodily. "My hair gets stuck to it."

"Deal. It's one of those things women put up with… like how they never have the size of the shoe you want or how you get your period on the weekend your boyfriend takes you away."

I pouted as she smeared on the clear gloss.

"There!" she shouted. "Perfect."

Another knock at the door caused us to jump. "I just heard you go 'there!'. You_ must_ be done."

"Ugh, what am I going to do with you?!" Alice hissed as she hopped up and ripped the door open. I nearly gasped at the sight; Edward was wearing a blue button-up with the sleeves casually rolled up to below his elbows. Dark jeans hugged his hips and flowed out on his strong legs. His hair was messy and yet somehow perfect. The slow little burst of confidence I'd been feeling fizzled out. "You're so impatient," Alice sighed, rolling her eyes and walking back over to me.

Edward looked back at her unapologetically as his eyes twinkled. "You know how I get violent when I'm hungry."

His eyes slowly made their way over to me and widened when they met mine. They kissed each curve, each line of my body. There was something so… erotic in his gaze. Alice elbowed me (again) and shot me a look that said "What did I tell ya?" She was turning into a grandmother over night.

Again, his eyes made their journey back up until they met mine again. Then something happened I had never witnessed before. Edward blushed.

"We better get going…," he mumbled, turning on his heel and practically running downstairs without a second look.

"What the hell was that about?" I asked Alice as I slipped my foot into a shoe.

Alice smiled wistfully at the empty doorway. "Edward never could handle his appetite."

* * *

The car ride was… interesting, to say the least.

Edward made small talk- about the weather, of all things. Renee once told me that as soon as a date started talking about the weather, it was time to get the bill. But this was Edward. I knew he didn't think the weather was a suitable topic; he was just nervous. He probably wasn't looking forward to this talk anymore than I was.

We walked into a dimly lit Italian restaurant with an overly enthusiastic staff. As the flirtatious hostess led us to our corner booth, Alice's words came back to me. If Edward _was_ truly repulsed by me, he wouldn't be taking me to an expensive, fancy restaurant. He wouldn't be taking me out at all.

The waiter came over immediately and Edward ordered us wine. I was a little hesitant to drink anything alcoholic, what with how things ended up the last time, but I couldn't resist when Edward poured me a generous glass and winked at me.

"Try it," Edward said charmingly. "Taste as it literally trickles down like silk."

Something dangerous but altogether delicious was dancing in Edward's eyes as he whispered this. I followed his directions and took a big sip.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, his delicious breath mixing with the aroma of the wine.

My eyes shut as I tasted the wine. I opened my mouth to say something to him but stopped with I felt a finger massaging my lower lip. My eyes popped open and I felt myself staring into Edward's, now dark and pooled with something foreign and hungry.

I was beginning to get what Alice was talking about when she mentioned something about Edward's "appetite".

Edward continued to rub my lip, coating it with some spilled wine.

"How did it taste?" he asked huskily.

I exhaled onto his finger and I could have sworn he shivered. "Delicious."

As though I'd breathed fire onto his flesh, Edward snapped his arm back. He cleared his throat and murmured a "good" as he picked up his laminated menu.

After a few moments of silence, he cleared his throat again. "How was shopping with Alice?"

I blinked at the strange topic but said "fine" anyway.

The waiter came back and we placed our orders. Then the awkwardness really set in.

Against my better judgment, I tossed the rest of the wine in my mouth and held out a hand for Edward so he could fill it up again.

He arched an eyebrow at me but said nothing.

I took another big sip and then decided that the warmth flowing through my body was enough; I could handle this now. "So you wanted to talk."

Edward sighed and stared at the tablecloth. "I owe you an explanation."

"Damn right you do." Maybe I had a little too much "courage".

Edward looked at me and cracked a grin. "You're cute when you're tipsy."

My eyes narrowed. "Don't change the subject, Cullen."

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. It looked delectable.

"I can't really explain it except to say that… well, the sex complicated matters. I was feeling slightly caveman without a right to."

My heart was pounding at a ridiculous rate. Briefly I wondered how embarrassing it would be if I were to pass out at the table. "You were?" I asked softly, despite my inner turmoil.

Edward's eyes, greener than ever, met mine. "Yes. I'm sorry. Even so, Jacob's not right for you."

"How can you say that?" I scoffed. "He's just a friend, anyway."

"Regardless," Edward muttered, waving his hand at me in a dismissive way.

"Wait a minute," I said, my voice getting louder, "you have no claim to me. You're not allowed to be saying this to me."

Edward looked me over for a moment. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Our dinner arrived then and thankfully Edward shut up.

"So _why_ were you acting caveman?" I asked.

Edward shrugged. "The lines got blurred."

I opened my mouth to respond but then my cell went off. "Sorry, just let me see who it is."

"No problem," Edward smiled.

I whipped my phone out and saw Jacob was calling. "Oh, it's Jake," I said to myself.

I heard what could only be described as a growl come from Edward. "Please, by all means… answer."

I looked up at him and was startled at the barely-contained rage evident on his face. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he scoffed, "I just think it's rude."

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked in disbelief.

Edward just played with his food. I was tempted to throw my fork at him or my glass of wine or start shouting and humiliate him but I decided to take the high road. I was so tired of his shit. I thought the dinner was going to resolve it, but things weren't working out as I'd hoped.

I threw my napkin on the table and slid out as gracefully as possible- which was quite difficult for me, I assure you- and stood.

Edward blinked up at me and then looked back across from him, as though he couldn't understand why I wasn't sitting down.

"I've pretty much had enough of you, Edward. You have sex with me and then ditch me, which is fine because we never really had anything. But it still hurt when you ignored me, and when you insulted me, and when you were downright _mean_ to me. All this time I've been beating myself up, blaming myself for getting us into this situation. I've been blaming myself for how you've been acting, like I did something wrong. But I haven't. We wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for you. And now you take me out tonight and tell me who I can and cannot associate with? Where do you get off?"

Edward threw his fork down and the harsh clattering sound made me wince. I looked around self-consciously and now saw we had an audience. That didn't stop Edward.

"For you information, Bella, none of this is my fault. At all. If you want to know the truth, _you_ threw yourself at _me_. I wasn't _that_ hard up to make love to you."

Immediately after he said that, Edward looked apologetic as he stood. "Bella… that came out wrong. I'm sorry. What I meant to say was-"

"Stop it," I whispered, feeling miserable. My stomach was screaming and I felt like any minute I was going to throw up linguini on the red carpet. "I don't want to hear anything else." Everything was quiet around us. It felt like we were frozen in that moment and nothing would be remotely the same again. Edward looked like he realized this, too.

"Let me say what I need to before it gets out of-"

"If you say one more word I'm going to throw up." I didn't want to admit my weakness but I wanted to give him fair warning; it was the truth.

Edward looked panicky. "Bella, seriously, I-"

But I walked away before he could finish. I ran outside into the pouring rain and nearly laughed at my life; it really was a movie.

I ran down a block and then slipped into a dark café. I'd left my cell phone in the restaurant so I ran over to a barely-functioning phone booth and dialed Alice's number collect.

"Bella? What's wrong?" she asked when the operator put us through.

"I'm at Rose's Café. Please come get me," I said in a small voice.

"I'll kill him," she growled. "I'm on my way. Don't move."

I ordered a coffee to keep up appearances and sat in a dark corner until Alice raced in ten minutes later, looking the worst I'd ever seen her. She wasn't even wearing make-up, a major no-no for Alice.

She spotted me immediately and ran over to me. "Oh, Bella…," she whispered, sitting across from me. "Edward called me and told me everything."

I watched the steam rise from my coffee. "So now you know."

"Bella… it doesn't make what he said any better but I think he meant it in 'I didn't rape you' rather than 'I didn't want to have sex with you'."

But I wasn't listening. Edward had just come into the café, glancing around frantically as he dripped all over the hardwood floor.

"Ugh, I told him to wait," Alice groaned, putting her head in her hands.

"What is he doing here, Alice?" I hissed.

"He just wanted to explain… I thought-"

"I don't want to see him."

Alice nodded quickly and then scurried over to Edward, who apparently had just spotted us. They argued quietly for a moment before Alice practically pushed him out. She turned around to me and eyed me with pity. Great.

"He won't bother us anymore; he's headed home."

"Maybe I should spend the night with Jake," I suggested half-heartedly.

"Uh… no, you shouldn't. You're coming back with me."

I just nodded and then let Alice lead me out into the ran for the second time that night.

* * *

Sorry to disappoint everyone who thought they were getting back together during the dinner! PFFT that would be way too soon.

My question is this: do you want this all to be resolved now or would you mind if we went on a few more chapters? More asshole Edward would be on the way, then, just as a warning. Because I love drama & angst, I planned on another big asshole Edward moment but everyone is impatient to see our duo together. I don't know how believable it would be for them right now... but it's up to you.


	10. Where Have You Been, Luv?

Thank you everyone who reviewed last chapter with their thoughts! I loved them and took them all to heart. You're all fabulous.

After I finished this chapter, I was thinking about that song SM had on the New Moon playlist, Luv by Travis. I love that song and it is so fitting for this story, especially this chapter.

* * *

I sobbed quietly as Alice led me upstairs. The house was dark; thankfully Carlisle and Esme had gone out to dinner themselves.

"Do you need help getting out of your clothes?" Alice asked me softly.

I shook my head and started undressing. I was absolutely soaking wet and shivering as I peeled the clothing off of me. Alice took the clothes into the bathroom to dry as I followed her inside to take a shower.

"Is there anything you need?"

I shook my head again and she hugged me. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I hugged her back but I couldn't find the ability to speak. She left me after a few moments and I thankfully stepped into the steaming shower. I stayed in there a long time, probably too long, enjoying the warmth and the escape. Finally the water turned cold and my skin wrinkled, letting me know it was time to get out.

Alice was sitting on her bed, waiting for me when I shuffled in.

"Are you okay?"

"Stop asking me that," I sighed. "I'll be fine."

"You stopped crying," she noted.

I shrugged. I couldn't cry anymore; I didn't have anything left.

"I guess this has been the Thanksgiving break from hell for you, huh?"

I shot her a look. "If Christmas is anything like this, I might as well give up."

Alice smiled sadly and stood. "I'm afraid you're never going to want to come over here anymore."

I didn't say anything in response. She understood and excused herself. "I think I'm going to sleep in Emmett's old room tonight and give you some privacy. Would you like that?"

Times like these reminded me why I loved Alice so much; she wasn't that friend in your face when you were in hysterics, offering empty-sounding consoling like "you're better off without him" and "he's not good enough to cry over" and "you'll find someone else". She stayed silent and kept her distance, just as I liked. She knew how I hated an audience.

"Very much," I whispered brokenly. I met her concerned eyes and managed a weak smile. "Thanks for everything, Alice. I mean it."

She smiled wider but her eyes were still sad. "See you tomorrow."

And then I was alone in her dark room, crying over what would never be.

* * *

I woke up to a soft thud in the room. Disoriented, I patted around me in the darkness for a few moments until the horrific thought that this could be a burglar entered my mind. Something about this was familiar, but in my panicked mind I couldn't figure out why.

Suddenly the lamp was switched on and Edward was standing there in its dim glow, dripping once again onto Alice's beautiful carpet.

A dozen fragmented thoughts went through my mind before settling on one, which was probably the least important: hadn't the kid ever heard of a towel?

I was speechless as I stared back at him, his expression a mixture of what could only be described as relief and agony.

Finally I cleared my throat. "Am I dreaming?"

Edward smiled faintly. "No. You're awake, though I get why you're thinking you are having a nightmare."

My head felt foggy. What was Edward doing here? Didn't something happen?

My mouth fell open as I remembered that yes, yes something _did_ happen. Edward had basically broken what little remnants of heart I had left. Rage was the only emotion I could feel at that moment as confusion and elation over seeing Edward's presence quickly faded.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

Edward's smile that was making me sick faded and he had the grace to look embarrassed. He looked down at the puddles he had made and then back at me.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Get out." I was surprised at the coldness in my voice; I had never spoken to anyone like this before. It hurt knowing I had to at all, let alone use it while speaking to Edward.

"Please, Bella." He looked like a tormented man, lost and broken.

I didn't care. I didn't _want_ to care, that is.

"GET OUT!" I yelled, leaping up on my knees to beat my fists against his chest in a very Scarlett O'Hara move.

"Do you want to wake everyone up?" he whispered in my ear, causing tingles to spread out all over my flesh. How I hated my hormones in that moment.

"I want you to leave," I whispered back.

"I'm not leaving until you listen to me," he said firmly, all traces of that annoying calm exterior gone. He looked like he was going to have me listen to him, whether he had to make me or not.

I sighed and crossed my arms like a child. "I want you to listen to _me_. Haven't you hurt me enough? I don't want to hear what you have to say. I certainly don't have to, either."

Edward looked sick at my words. "I didn't mean it to come out that way, Bella, you have to understand. I was just so _mad_."

"You had nothing to be angry over."

He smirked bitterly. "Oh? What about Jacob?"

"What about Jacob?" I repeated tiredly.

"I was insanely jealous."

There was a silence after his words as we stared at one another in mutual disbelief over his words. I could tell he hadn't meant to say it, didn't want to say it, but he did anyway. And I knew he meant it.

Was Alice right? Was Edward feeling something else, something more? Something a little like what I was feeling?

How could that be possible? He had been so nasty to me…**.**

"I… don't know what's happening to me, Bella. A few days ago all you were to me was Alice's friend. But now… after all that's happened, I find myself thinking about you _all the time_. I can't get you out of my head! The tiny amount of memories I have of that night play over and over in my head and I just can't-"

A punch to his jaw cut him off. Oops.

He rubbed it in shock and then looked at me as he sensually licked away a drop of blood. It wasn't meant to be sensual but that is that art of being a Cullen. I stared at back at him, surprised at myself. I never hit anyone before, and I never really wanted to until now.

Edward Cullen was a bastard who didn't deserve my time. He had slept with me, tossed me aside, ignored my feelings, said horrible things, and now had the nerve to show up in the middle of the night and tell me… what? That against his better judgment, against his own wants and desires he was being forced to remember our night together? How horrible that must be for him.

"What was that for?" he asked quietly, the anger barely contained in his voice.

"I'm just so sorry for you that you're being forced to remember," I whispered bitterly. "What a terrible fate. Is that all you've come to say? Because now you can leave."

I stood up and started pushing him towards the door, surprised I was getting him to move so much. Then I realized he was shaking and mumbling things to me. Finally he stopped letting me push him and grabbed my fists.

"Bella, God _damn it_, I love you!"

I froze. My head slowly looked up at met his eyes, seeing the truth in them for the first time. But I couldn't believe, not after all that had happened. I wasn't interested in any more games. Even if it were true, even if he meant it, it infuriated me. I ripped a fist out of his hand and slapped him, hard, across his face.

"You don't know what love is! You don't _deserve_ to love!"

Edward rubbed his cheek but he didn't look angry with me; he looked desperate. "You're so right, Bella, I don't deserve to love _you._ But I do, with everything I got."

I took in a shuddering breath. "Well that's not enough."

Despite my ferocious punching and slapping, Edward took this blow the hardest. For a moment, I thought he was going to stumble to the floor. He took a few staggering steps back and looked at me like he didn't know who I was or what I was saying.

"That can't be," he protested.

"It is. I don't want you."

His eyes widened and then shut. I watched him as he started pacing back and forth, shaking his head.

"You can leave now," I said in a dead voice. I didn't want to see him like this; it made what I had to do harder.

He stopped, then, and looked back at me like he had forgotten I was there. He stomped over to me so fast that I couldn't run away and grabbed me. He pulled me against his freezing and wet chest and stared down at me, a stare so demanding and possessive that I couldn't look away for all my stubbornness.

"No."

"What?" I asked breathlessly. I had forgotten what we were talking about; Edward's heavy breathing and lustful eyes were turning me into mush.

One arm constricted around my lower back as the other found my ass, pulling me closer to his drenched body and lifting a leg in the process. My traitorous leg wrapped around his waist and I nearly fainted at the feeling of Edward's hardness. Oh, my _God_. He was _aroused_.

"I'm not letting you go. Not ever. I love you and I want you to be mine"

He magically said the words to take me out of my fog and I nearly murdered him right there. "How dare _you_?" I spat.

He ignored my fighting as I tried to get away from him. We were both sticky with sweat and panting at our exertions.

"Stop trying to hit me, Bella," he said, almost sounding amused. "You are _mine_. And I'll show you right now."

"W-what are you doing?" I murmured, sounding like a weak child. I wasn't sure if I understood him right but my own arousal hoped so.

He leaned close so that his nose skimmed against my cheek. His lips met my ear and he breathed out, reducing me to a shivering mess. "I want you, Bella."

I let out a whimpering noise. All resistance was gone and I knew it, he knew it. The wine I had at dinner was still pulsing warmly through my veins and suddenly I had no desire to stop this. I wanted it. I wanted Edward, even if it were just for tonight. Tomorrow morning I could sob and feel disgusted with myself and hate him again, but I wanted him right now.

"Can I have you?" he whispered against my neck. His tongue touched my boiling flesh and my knees started knocking together. "I won't force you but I need you to know…**. **I need you so much."

He started backing us up to the bed as his hand massaged my bottom. The other hand stroked my face as he murmured things to me I couldn't comprehend. They sounded like loving endearments but I refused to listen; I kept telling myself this wasn't about love. I felt drugged with desire, with want.

He gently dropped me to the bed and then climbed in next to me. His hand ran from my knee, across my thigh, over my stomach, and then up my arm. He watched his movements and then massaged my upper arm as his excited eyes met my heavy-lidded ones.

Slowly, like Edward was afraid I was going to disappear or freak out on him or something, he leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was… unimaginable. Words can't describe. No metaphor would do it justice. It was just perfect and wet and hot and sweet and soft and demanding and chocolate chip cookies when you were a kid and snow days and a good book, all rolled into one.

After a while he moved back and stared at me. If I really let myself see it, the love was clear in his eyes. But I looked away and stared at his swollen lips. I wanted to make them raw with my kisses.

"I want you," he rasped out huskily, "more than anything in the whole world. Please, Isabella."

His hand wrapped around my waist and, in a rapid movement, brought me flush with his hard body.

"Do you want this?" he asked, his eyes intense balls of light, glittering in the moonlight.

He looked so beautiful, so innocent, so _eager_ in that moment. I started crying silently, realizing this was the moment that I wanted for so long and it was all wrong. I wasn't supposed to be drunk. We weren't supposed to have had sex already that I couldn't remember. We weren't supposed to be awkwardly fighting for a few days before. It wasn't supposed to happen in Alice's bedroom. _This was all wrong_. But I couldn't say that; the words wouldn't form. Because my body had completely taken over in that moment and it wanted Edward, above the romance and the "perfect moment". It wanted the mistake again and it would let _me_ pick up in the pieces in the morning.

Edward lowered his scorching gaze, and for a moment I almost laughed at his heartbroken expression. He shifted anxiously and looked at the door like he was planning on running away.

_Not yet_, my body screamed. _You can run in the morning but you're not going anywhere yet._

I didn't answer his earlier question. I didn't have to.

I kissed him back, hungrily, and reached for his arousal that was pressing against my leg. That was all the encouragement Edward needed. Neither of us needed foreplay.

We undressed each other like savages, giggling as we impatiently ripped and tore each other's clothes. The moon created a romantic glow in the night, so we could just see each other's pale flesh and excited expressions. Edward violently tugged off my jeans and lost his balance as we fell to the floor.

I started laughing heartily but Edward's lips silenced mine as he ripped off my underwear and entered me with a relieved groan.

"I wanted this so _bad,_" he whispered against my lips. "You feel so perfect."

I moaned in response. "You're going too slow," I whined and then gasped as his fingers pinched my nipple.

"Be patient… I want to savor this."

We were quiet then, our grunts and moans the only sounds bouncing off the walls. Our breathing became loud pants and gasps and I wondered if we could pass out from the lack oxygen.

"I love you," he gasped as he penetrated me even deeper.

"Don't…," I sobbed, "don't say that."

As Edward sped up, pounding into me relentlessly, all thought processes were gone.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned throatily, much too loud.

"Shhh, Bella," he whispered against my collarbone. "I've never felt like this… Oh, _God_."

Edward went even faster, making me yelp out into the night. But he didn't stop his movements or scold me because of my noises; soon he started joining in.

I knew we were both close. Our movements had taken on a frantic nature, as did our breathing. Edward's eyes popped open and met mine as he went impossibly fast. In that moment, I believed he loved me with my whole soul. As I came and as I felt Edward follow, the unmistakable feeling of his release casting me into yet another excruciatingly wonderful orgasm, I believed that he loved me, maybe as much as I loved him.

We moaned together for a few moments after, enjoying the aftershocks and the delicious feeling when Edward's hardness pumped in me again. And then he rolled off of me and picked me up, laying me gently next to him in the big bed. He cuddled against me, whispering that he loved me again, and kissed my forehead, then my nose, and finally my lips. And I thought I felt his love pouring out from his lips, from his skin and even his eyes. Oh, yes. I believed he loved me.

When I woke up the next morning to an empty bed, I asked myself how I could have been so stupid.

* * *

Ahhh, don't kill me! Don't fret, don't fret- things will eventually get sorted out. Leave me some more thoughts/ideas. I some love, too; I just walked over to the laundry room and this girl took all my stuff out of the washer. Not a good start to the day!

PS- had to use that nightmare reference. It was just too tempting.


	11. Starting Over

* * *

Sorry it took so long! Finals were horrible. I have my last one tomorrow (woo hoo) and then I have a whole month to read & write fanfictions. Amen.

Thanks for the reviews; they kept me going whenever I decided to take a break from British Literature *shiver*.

* * *

EPOV

I pounded on Jasper's door, ignoring the lady glaring at me down the hallway. Finally the door creaked open to reveal a tired-looking Alice whose face instantly crinkled into one of displeasure.

Scratch that. Not displeasure- hatred.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered harshly.

"I need to speak to Jasper."

"No, you need to speak to Bella." She crossed her arms and glared at me.

I sighed; I was willing to get down on my hands and knees at that moment to beg her to let me see him.

She must have gotten the idea by my expression. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Please, Alice."

Maybe it was because I looked _that_ messed up or that she was my sister and attuned to me, but for once in her life, Alice didn't give me a hard time. She stepped aside to let me pass and then disappeared in the kitchen somewhere.

Jasper came shuffling out and looked startled to see me pacing in his living room.

"Dude…," was all he could manage.

"I'm sorry, I know it's really early but I had to see you."

"What happened?" he asked as he curled up on the sofa.

I started pacing, running my hands through my hair.

"People live below me, Edward…," Jasper pointed out. "Does this have to do with Bella?"

I snorted; everything in my life had to do with Bella these days.

Alice came out with two steaming cups of coffee. I tried to smile at her in gratefulness but my lips just wouldn't turn up. She smirked at me and scampered off to the kitchen. She didn't fool me; I knew that little evil thing was listening intently to our conversation but I didn't care.

"So…," Jasper prompted, looking at me like I was a lunatic. I couldn't blame him.

"I slept with Bella again."

I had meant to dramatically lead up to it, explaining how in love with her I was, and I had hoped it would come out a hell of a lot more eloquently than it did. But out the words came and I grimaced at the subsequent gasp from the kitchen.

"I don't know what to say. Congratulations, I guess? What does this mean for you?"

Falling into the chair, I shook my head. "I don't know. I've never felt this way before."

"You love her." It wasn't a question. "I never thought I'd see the day, man."

"It's not funny, Jazz, I've hurt her. A lot. She practically beat the shit out of me last night."

Alice wasn't even attempting to disguise her snort this time. I lifted my shirt to show the scattering of bruises on my stomach. Jasper's eyes widened.

"I didn't know she had it in her," he murmured. I nodded somberly. "So what the hell are you doing over here with me?"

"She pretty much hates me." Jeez, I was beginning to sound like a woman.

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. "I doubt that, even if you've been acting like a major dick."

"I don't deserve her."

"This again?" Jasper put down his mug and stood up. "Do what you want to do, Edward, but quit fucking around with Bella and never come to my apartment this early again unless someone is bleeding or dying or something."

"But what do I do?" I practically whined. "I… _love_ her so much. What if I fuck up royally, even more than I already have? I've never had sex with someone I loved, Jasper. Never. I… never knew it could be like that. It scared me."

Okay, it was official: I _was_ a woman. But it was true; every moan, every movement was that much more exciting because it was Bella doing it. It killed me that she'd been there, right under my nose, all of this time. I had been a bigger ass than I'd initially realized. But I had her now, or at least I hoped I did.

Alice ran into the room, eyes huge. Her cell was clutched in her hand and she was staring at me like I was some monster.

"Did you… did you just bail this morning without saying anything to Bella?"

Jasper sucked in a deep breath. I stared back at Alice in frustration; did she have a point?

"You did, didn't you?" she accused, her eyes in slits.

And then she punched me in the face. Hard. Now, I knew I deserved it the night before from Bella, but what the fuck? Why was everyone hitting me?

"You're an idiot," Jasper agreed, pulling back my sister who looked like she was preparing to throw another punch.

"What?"

"Can you really be _that _clueless?" Alice seethed. "What the fuck do you think Bella's going to think when she wakes up _alone_ this morning?"

My stomach literally dropped. It hadn't even dawned on me; I just assumed that I'd be back in time or that Bella would call me or… something. "Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_, you fucker!" Alice yelled, flailing in Jasper's arms.

I was actually scared of the tiny thing for once in my life; she looked like she wanted to inflict some heavy duty damage. Looking around for something, Alice finally huffed and threw her cell phone at me.

"Ow!" I screamed, rubbing my thudding forehead.

"Get the fuck back there before she does something stupid!"

I froze.

"No, _Mr. Ego_, she wouldn't _kill_ herself over _you_. She just texted me and told me she was going back to school a day early without me. _I wonder why_."

Shit. Shit shit shit. Shit!

I barely heard Alice screaming out other profanities and threats as I spun around and raced back to Bella, where I belonged.

* * *

BPOV

I tried not to cry as I packed my things. I was tired of crying. Esme was being really sweet to me, but I just wished she'd stop coming to pop into the bedroom. I was fairly certain she'd caught me sniffling a couple of times.

"Are you sure you don't need any help, sweetie?" she asked from the doorway.

I resisted the urge to groan and just smiled weakly back at her. "I'm almost done."

"Well I have some pancakes downstairs for you when you're ready, okay, honey?"

"Okay."

She hesitated and I realized she had more to say. I blushed as it hit me that Edward and I hadn't been exactly quiet last night and that Esme and Carlisle had probably arrived home long before we got naughty.

"Bella could… could I talk to you for a moment?"

I reluctantly nodded and sat down on the bed. She came further into the room but did not sit down.

"I wouldn't necessarily call Edward my favorite child, because I don't believe in having favorites, but I hold a special place for him in my heart. Edward's never had it easy, contrary to popular belief. And he's never had love, real love, staring him in the face. He's certainly never been in love before, but that's not surprising considering the women he kept company with."

She waited for me to say something. I just stared back at her.

"You're angry with him," she said. Then she walked over to the window and sighed. "You should be. I know he's been very unfair to you."

Unfair didn't cut it but I held my tongue. How the hell did Esme know all about this, anyway?

I was going to kill Alice.

Esme must have been watching my face because she let out a light laugh. "Everyone thinks I'm so blind but I'm much more observant than people give me credit for. Plus, Edward wasn't exactly subtle on Thanksgiving. Neither of you were last night…**.**"

I blushed furiously. Oh, my God. She _had_ heard us last night. I nearly collapsed in mortification.

"It's all right, Bella," she said, smiling sweetly. "I'm not naïve enough to think my children are virgins. Especially not Edward."

I involuntarily winced and then hated myself for it; it was one thing to be feeling all of this but it was another entirely to have the mother of the object of your affections witnessing it.

"Why are you going back early, Bella? The truth; you can tell me. I won't say a word."

It would be nice to confide in someone but I wasn't ready to talk about what happened yet. And when I was, I doubted I'd want to talk to Esme about it.

"Thanks, but I'd rather not."

"I know you think that Edward doesn't care for you… I know he's done plenty to make you think that way. But I know my son, Bella, that's the point I'm trying to make to you. And I know he cares for you, deeper than he's ever cared for anything or anyone in his life. It terrifies him. At least wait until he comes back to talk to him before leaving like this. It would be a big mistake."

I nearly laughed in her face. A mistake? Mistakes were all I made lately. I could handle making one more, if this could be considered a mistake.

"I told you, Esme, I'm expected back."

She gave me that maternal frown and then nodded dejectedly. "I'll see you downstairs."

Then I was blissfully left alone to sob on the bed.

* * *

I was unenthusiastically munching on cold pancakes when the front door slammed. I froze, terrified that Alice had come over all the way from Jasper's this early in the morning to beat the crap out of me. I nearly ran out onto the patio because I was so scared.

"Bella."

_Oh_. The silken voice I would never forget, not even when I was old and senile and baggy, purred out and caused a flicker of excitement down my back and all the way to my toes. Despite everything, his voice still managed to soothe me, like the sweetest lullaby, and arouse me at the same time. For a moment, I was able to let go of the rage and the humiliation and the utter devastation. For a moment, I smiled at the countertop.

And then I heard Edward moving closer to me and I panicked. So quickly I nearly fell over, I spun around and glared at Edward.

"What do you want?"

He sighed and smiled slightly at me. He looked tired. "To talk."

"Well, I'm leaving." I didn't mean to sound like a huffy brat but I did. My cheeks burned and I knew Edward was thinking the same. He didn't look angry, just amused. Prick. "Excuse me."

I tried to glide past him but his warm and heavy hands on my shoulders effectively stopped me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I had to take care of something."

My eyebrow quirked. "Uh, okay."

"Why else wouldn't I be there?"

He almost sounded genuine. Asshole.

"You were avoiding me."

"Bella," he cooed, smirking slightly, "if I were avoiding you, would I be seeking you out right now?"

"Yes, because now you want to tell me how sorry you are and what a mistake it was again."

Crap. Had I just said that out loud? The pained expression on Edward's face told me that, yes, yes once again I acted like a fool.

"I have to call my cab," I whispered.

As I turned to run out of the room, Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. "You're not going anywhere, Bella. At least not without me."

I stopped fighting him to stare into his eyes. They were serious and pleading me to listen. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm in love with you and I don't want you to leave me. I told you last night how I loved you."

The words I'd waited for so long to hear were finally said, lingering between us like a breeze. I watched him, waiting for him to laugh and tell me he was kidding or to sneer and make fun of me or to falter and look slightly unconvincing. His gaze, however, was intense and did not once waver. The light of emotion in his eyes, the clenching of his arm around mine, and the unmistakable conviction in his voice told me he was telling the truth.

"I don't know what to say," I was finally able to gasp out.

Edward smiled, really smiled, and pulled me closer. "You don't have to say anything. Just kiss me."

And so I did.

* * *

We didn't have sex that night. I was glad, not because he wasn't amazing or anything (duh), but because it made it easier to believe him. He told me about how he went to Jasper's in the morning, utterly clueless about what to do with all the emotions he was feeling. I listened as he told me what hell it was for him to think of me with Jacob. I told him some more about Mike and then a little more about how I always knew I was in love with Edward. As he pulled me tight, I smiled and then frowned. I could get used to this and it frightened me.

"You know it's going to take me some time to get used to this, right?" I asked as I stroked his chest.

He laughed and gave my nose a peck. "Same here, Bella. I'm new at this, too."

"You really fucked up, Cullen." I had meant it to come out as a joke but I sounded pitiful instead.

Edward sighed and closed his eyes. "I know. But I'm going to spend every day making it up to you."

I tried not to let myself hope too much but it was too hard what with the way Edward was looking at me and touching me. Everything he said was uttered with reverence and sincerity.

As we fell asleep that night, wrapped up in each other's arms, I heard Edward whisper "I love you" against my hair.

And for the first time that day, I truly let myself believe it. I fell asleep instantly, feeling the most peaceful and happiest that I had in weeks.

* * *

"Bella, I mean it- if you move again, you're going to get burnt."

"I didn't even want you to curl my hair," I muttered under my breath.

Alice ignored me and continued humming. "Isn't it nice that Edward and Jasper are taking us to the station?"

"They picked us up from the station, too, Alice."

She refused to be deflated. "Well, this will be all romantic. They can give us good-bye kisses in the station and everything."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Edward and I aren't… anything yet. Not really."

"So you keep telling me," Alice said dismissively. "I don't care what you say. Not everything has to be labeled."

"I know, thank God."

"Would you want to date him?" she asked as she wrapped one particularly unruly piece of hair around the curler.

Did I want to date Edward Cullen? My dream man who had majorly let me down in reality? Who had, with certainty, put a huge damper on my Thanksgiving? Who had made hardcore passionate love to me just a day before? Who had declared his undying love to me and really seemed like he meant it?

A grin slowly spread of my lips.

"Hell, yeah."

Alice looked surprised.

"If we took things slow," I clarified.

Everything wasn't Edward's fault. I'd put him up on a pedestal way too high. I let myself get too drunk that night. I jumped to _way_ too many conclusions. To be honest, ironically enough I never gave Edward a chance. Not to say he hadn't been a total douche, because he had been, but I wasn't perfect, either.

A knock on the door disturbed us and in walked Edward, looking too delicious for his own good.

"We have to leave in ten, _ladies_," he purred, winking at me.

The way he emphasized ladies had me inexplicably turned on. The man could say "cardboard" in that voice and get a nun wet.

Ew. Bad mental picture.

"AH!" Alice shrieked. "I'm not even close to being ready!"

She scurried on out, leaving me alone with an amused Edward. I looked over at him, baffled.

"I thought the train didn't leave for another three hours."

"It doesn't."

He laughed at my face.

"If I don't tell Alice that now, we'll never leave on time."

I grinned in understanding. He came over to me quickly and hungrily placed his lips to mine. "I've been waiting to do that since you walked out this morning," he sighed against my lips.

"Walked out?" I scoffed. "Kidnapped, is more like it."

He chuckled and leaned back. Then his face grew worried and sad and the dread in my stomach grew to a big black hole. I felt sick. He was regretting it already. He didn't want this.

Oh, God, how could I have been so _stupid_?

"I'm going to miss you so much," Edward whispered tenderly, leaning back to me again to softly kiss my forehead.

Oh. It was going to take me a _long_ time to adjust and trust Edward. But as he pulled back from me, his eyes closed and his mouth upturned in explicit bliss, I knew that when that day finally came it would be worth it.

Then as his eyes opened and it seemed that all he could see was me, and he smiled the most beautiful, perfect smile, I _knew _it would be. Edward would be worth it.

* * *

I didn't intend on them getting together so soon but it just kind of happened. But don't fret you angst lovers- I'm not finished with this story yet (unless you want me to be). Things aren't perfect between them; Edward is still scared and Bella is still wary of him. I'm having fun with the prospect of her going to England soon, muhaha.

Just a weird sidenote- have any of you ever seen the Harry Potter puppet pals on youtube? If not, go watch; if you have, then you'll understand why I keep envisioning the Harry puppet banging his head on the wall muttering "angst, angst, angst". Every time I say or read the word, I immediately think of that.


	12. A Suggestion Or Two

It was the end of our first week back at school and I was exhausted. Finals were coming up and the entire university was buzzing. People took to sleeping in the stacks of the library; others dozed off in the dining halls, five text books open before them with ketchup stains all over the place.

I was a mess. English always came naturally to me, but having test upon test and paper upon paper to write, I was feeling seriously overwhelmed. I spent most of my time in the library's computer lab, or in one of the many reading rooms.

Alice was eerily calm, but that was nothing new. She didn't really have much to worry about; she was naturally intelligent. Topics seeped into her like, for lack of a better metaphor, water into a sponge. Besides, she only had two or three finals to worry about. So, instead of getting migraines in the library with me, she stayed back in our room, chatting with Jasper on her cell phone.

Edward and I talked to each other as much as possible, but we were both swamped with work. Still, Edward always managed to send me a loving text or a reassuring promise to see me soon. It was hard for us to really progress in our relationship. After all, I still had a lot of trust issues and Edward seriously had more growing up to do. And then there was the issue of England.

We didn't bring it up. Period. I knew that Edward was well aware I was still going. Alice told me that he was petrified of us being apart. She said that he had devised all these crazy possible scenarios, like me falling in love with some Brit and never coming back again or getting some fabulous job and… never coming back again. If he only knew how pathetically attached I was to him…**. **It was a problem, however, and Alice warned me we needed to talk about it if we wanted to preserve our relationship. It was really difficult for us, though; not only were we new at this, but we were notorious procrastinators. There was also the fact that it was going to be unbearable for the both of us to be apart. I was worried, though I wouldn't admit it to anyone but myself, that Edward would find someone when I was gone. I thought about pulling myself out from the internship at least a thousand times but my common sense stopped me, and for that I was grateful. As much as I loved him, I couldn't give this amazing opportunity up. Not in a million years. I owed this to myself.

As I trudged up the stairs that Friday afternoon, I literally thought I could fall asleep right there, but then my cell vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and grinned, thoroughly rejuvenated.

_Can you possibly be missing me as much as I'm missing you right now? Love, E. _

I rolled my eyes at his cheesiness but grinned even wider. I knew it was still hard for him to be so open with his affections, and the thought that he was able to begin to open up for _me_ was astounding.

Slowly, I pushed open my dorm door and felt around for the light switch.

I nearly gasped at the sight before me.

Edward was lazily draped across my bed, his lips spreading into a small smile. His eyes twinkled with wickedness and love and I could tell he was happy to see me by the way his entire face lit up.

"Surprise," he murmured huskily.

I was speechless. I leaned against the door for support, afraid I would pass out from the shock and joy coursing through my veins.

After a few minutes of gawking at him, I finally managed to stammer out a sentence. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't bear to not see you this weekend."

I stared at him incredulously. "You drove over four hours to see me."

He nodded and grinned. Then he popped up and was over to me before I could gasp. His strong arms wrapped around me and I shivered at the sensation of his breath blowing out across my ear in a relieved sigh. I could feel his left eyelashes on my temple and relished the feeling of such seemingly insignificant intimacy. His hands slowly rubbed my back in circles as he held me, saying nothing but communicating so much. Finally he pulled away just enough to meet my eyes.

"I couldn't go another minute without touching you," Edward said, staring at my lips.

"I'm… surprised," I finally said.

He chuckled and led me to the bed. He gracefully laid out the same way as before and propped his head up on his hand. "You look beautiful, as always. Have you had a stressful week? Alice mentioned that you've been working hard."

I groaned and nodded pathetically.

"I imagine you have a lot of studying to do this weekend, am I right?"

Somehow in my excitement to see him, I had forgotten about that. I bit my lip remorsefully. "Yeah. Edward, I'm sor-"

He cut me off with a quick peck on the lips. I noticed that he looked regretful as he pulled back, still wistfully staring at my lips. "Don't worry. I came just to be close to you. I promise not to distract you. I have my own studying to do, too."

I rubbed his leg, feeling a little more in love with him. "I love you."

He exhaled and placed his hand on my cheek, saying nothing. His eyes told me all I needed to know. We stared at one another for what seemed like hours, content with an occasional stroke on the arm or thigh or the sporadic tender kiss on the mouth or forehead.

Edward eventually cleared his throat and looked down at the comforter. "When's your last day of the semester?"

"The eighteenth, I think," I mumbled distractedly. I was too preoccupied with his swollen lips.

I moved to kiss him again but he stopped me with his hands. "We need to talk."

The dreaded words. The chicken sandwich I had gobbled down a few hours earlier churned unpleasantly in my stomach.

I nodded hesitantly, not really wanting to agree but knowing I had to.

"When do you leave for England?"

I let out a deep breath and met his desperate gaze. "A few days after New Year's. I'll only be gone for a few weeks."

He nodded and smiled sadly. "It will still feel like an eternity. This week alone felt like hell."

I felt guilty and lowered my eyes. Of all the times for Edward and I to get together, why did it have to be now? We really only had two weeks to spend together, at the most.

"Don't get me wrong- I am very happy for you. I'm just going to miss you so much."

Tears filled my eyes and I made an annoyed sound. "I'm sorry for getting emotional. It's just I'm going to miss you, more than I can say."

With a smile, Edward moved to kiss me, more passionately than he had before. He was controlling himself. He probably didn't want to jump me; I guess he knew, as I did, that it probably wouldn't be the best thing for us right now to have sex again.

We made out for ten minutes, wanting more the entire time but reveling in just the feeling of each other's presence. Finally, Edward pulled back with an intense and determined look in his eyes that quickly faded into something else.

I watched, fascinated, as Edward took on a somewhat nervous expression. That confused me… what the hell did he have to be anxious about? He played with my fingers for a few minutes and then became irrationally interested in an unraveling thread in my comforter.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

Slowly his eyes lifted to meet mine. He looked even more frightened and yet I could see a tinge of excitement lighting up his eyes.

"Bella… this is just a harmless, hypothetical suggestion. I don't want you to feel pressured in any way, okay?"

I nodded, wary of where this was going.

"Well, you know how Carlisle has a flat over there?"

Shaking my head, I resisted rolling my eyes. I didn't know but I wasn't surprised. He _would_ have an apartment in London.

"I was thinking maybe you could stay there, rather than go along with whatever shady arrangements they've given you."

I giggled, touched but amused. "Edward, they're not 'shady' accommodations."

"I'd feel better if you stayed at our place."

Frustration was starting to creep in now. "Really, I'll be fine."

He stroked my hand and inched in a little closer to me. "Please, Bella? Just think about it, okay?"

Though his intense eyes usually swayed me instantly, they were ineffectual this time. Despite my regrets over the timing, I was thrilled to be going over to London for a taste of the real world. I didn't want to stay in luxurious conditions, coddled and unnecessarily pampered. I needed this, not only for my career, but for me too. As whiny and bratty and somewhat selfish and dramatic as it sounds, I rarely ever did things for _me_. And Edward was seriously ruining it for me.

"I _have_ thought about it. Thanks for the offer, really, but I'm going to be more than okay."

Edward's jaw clenched and I could tell he was trying his very hardest not to lose his cool. From the way his eyes flashed dangerously at me, I could tell he was losing it anyway.

"Be reasonable. This isn't that ridiculous of a request."

"I _am_ being reasonable," I groaned. "You said that that I didn't have to feel pressured."

Suddenly, Edward looked like a nervous little boy again who'd wet the bed. He had something else to propose and I could tell already I wasn't going to like it. I was less than pleased at his first suggestion, so I was fairly certain that this one was going to make me livid.

"Well, I thought maybe I could come with you," he said softly. He looked so hopeful, so excited.

Oh, my God. Edward Cullen wanted to go to England with me and stay in his family's apartment, where we would likely have passionate sex for the first time since our disastrous Thanksgiving weekend.

And I felt physically sick over it.

As much as I loved him and as much as my heart danced at the implications, I wanted to do this alone. I had dreams of me, shopping and sight-seeing and sitting in quaint cafes with my writing notebook out. These visions never included Edward with me, and though I felt guilty at feeling so negative about the whole thing, I couldn't help but feel a little resentful, too.

Edward and I had something special. There was no question of this. But, we weren't really a _thing _yet. We both had hopes we would be, but this was still the new, beginning part of the relationship. Edward and I knew each other well, no doubt; it wasn't like we were completely foreign to one another. But we were in this one respect, and that was the most important. This was too much, too soon, and I felt like I was suffocating. Not to mention that I had to be on my game during this trip; I couldn't be distracted in any capacity.

Edward's expression, however, broke my heart. He looked so heartbroken, so lost, so sad because he could see my emotions all over my face. I couldn't see Edward like this.

I found myself muttering a weak "okay," before Edward pounced on me, showering kisses all over my face and down my throat.

"Thank you, Bella, this is going to be amazing. I promise."

It was strange to me but somehow, for the first time when faced with time with Edward, I doubted that.

* * *

I always thought it would have been very hard on Bella to balance college and Edward. He doesn't mean to distract her. He just doesn't want to be apart from her, so he's not thinking all that clearly. I don't want him to come off needy. Plus, he wants to keep an eye on her and be the overprotective caveman we all know and love (begrudingly).

Happy holidays, everyone!


	13. Resolutions

I can't believe I haven't updated in a month... I didn't even realize! This chapter was such a pain and I'm still not happy with it. I skipped over Christmas because I couldn't deal.

The story is almost over folks! (I think, anyway)

Oh, and James isn't going to be a major character or anything. I just needed a name and I figured "Why not?"

Let me know what you think.

* * *

The Cullen family was having a big bash on New Year's Eve. I found myself actually looking forward to it – I was in need of a good party… and good alcohol.

Things had been strange since Edward asked to go to England with me, but if he noticed he never mentioned it to me. Sure, he was more subdued in my presence than he had been in the past, and he seemed to be a bit more moody than usual, but he never brought it up. I was fine with that, though I had to admit that I longed for his genuine smiles.

Alice picked up on the problems brewing beneath the surface and mentioned something to me about it one day. She didn't know the origin of the trouble but she figured it was due to miscommunication. Edward and I were so predictable.

After evading her questions for an entire day, Alice finally (and unbelievably) gave up. "Fine," she sighed. " I won't ask anymore. But whatever it is, you two should talk about it." Alice smiled softly. "He really loves you, Bella."

I knew that much. And I knew that I was being totally irrational about the whole situation. I only hoped that when we finally got across the water, things would settle down and I'd realize how foolish I'd been because, despite my misgivings, I really did love Edward Cullen, too.

* * *

I had just woken up on New Year's Eve when the doorbell rang. Edward was standing on my stoop, a bag of bagels in one hand and a piping hot coffee in the other.

"You're my hero," I said, squinting into the sunlight.

"Wow," he laughed, shaking his head, "you really aren't a morning person. I thought you were exaggerating."

I grabbed the coffee and walked into the living room.

"I thought we could spend today together," Edward said as he followed.

That was nice. Edward had been busy with the band, trying to save up as much money as he could while playing at holiday parties. We still saw each other plenty, but it always felt like we were rushed. There was also the topic we both refused to discuss, but I digress.

We sat in companionable silence, watching some silly daytime show. Then I had to make things weird.

"Have you bought your plane ticket?" I forced out.

His eyes didn't stray from the TV but I noticed his body tense up. "It's all taken care of."

After that little awkward moment, we continued to pretend things were perfect. He stayed with me the entire day, joked with me, even kissed me quite passionately once. Despite our good show, I knew things were off and I knew we couldn't pretend that they weren't anymore. I just hadn't decided how to bring it up yet.

A few hours later, Edward waited patiently while I changed into the dress Alice picked out for me. He told me I looked beautiful; I could tell by the intensity in his eyes that he meant it and it gave me some hope for the future. When Edward looked at me like that, anything felt possible. Then we were off.

When we arrived at the house, Edward got us beers and then went off to talk to Emmett. I tried not to be hurt, but it still bothered me that he didn't appear to care that I was a bit of a stranger at the party. Rosalie and Alice were laughing with some girl I didn't know in the kitchen and I had never felt so out of place.

Then I spied Jake, grinning at me from across the room. I hadn't spoken to him in a while, not since he randomly called to check in on me before the semester ended. He was standing next to a big, tough-looking guy who looked over at me blankly. Jacob gestured to me and I made my way though the half-intoxicated crowd.

"Hi," I laughed.

"Hello there, miss," Jacob smiled, punching me lightly on my arm. "It's been a while. This is my friend, James."

I nodded at James and he smiled slightly at me. "Be right back; I need another beer. You good, Jake?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

When James was gone, Jake brought me over to an empty sofa. "You look tired."

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes with a smile.

"You still look beautiful," Jacob added with a laugh. "Just… a little exhausted, maybe. Cullen wearing you out?" He leered knowingly at me.

My smile faded. I _wished_ that were the case.

"It's probably just because of the holidays. How was your Christmas?"

Jacob shrugged in response. "We should hang out sometime next week."

"I'm leaving on Monday," I smiled apologetically. "Winter internship in London."

"No shit," Jake said, impressed. "I bet your boyfriend's not too thrilled."

I was getting annoyed with the constant references to Edward, but I tried not to let the frustration creep into my tone. "Actually, he's coming with me."

Jacob looked astonished. "Whoa, I never would have thought _Edward_ would do something like that."

"What do you mean?"

"That's a big step for a guy, I guess," Jake said thoughtfully. "Edward's never been that serious about _anybody._"

It felt like someone had jammed a bomb down my throat and then punched my stomach. I realized that what I felt most was guilt- guilt that I couldn't be a normal girl, guilt that I hadn't told Edward flat out that it made me uncomfortable, guilt that I had all this baggage.

Jacob noticed the sick look on my face. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Jacob," a throaty voice said threateningly from behind me. "Good to see you here."

I turned to see Edward glaring at Jake. Edward's eyes were red and I realized with a start that he was drunk, or at the very least tipsy. I had lost track of how long we'd been there.

"Same here, bro," Jake tossed back calmly.

It always amazed me how nonchalant Jacob could be whenever Edward was like this. I'd seen them almost come to blows a few times and Edward's expressions and voice always terrified me. Jake acted like they were old pals.

Edward's glassy eyes looked over at me. "Are you okay?" he asked brusquely.

"Y-yeah," I stammered out quickly.

I hardly had the time to swallow before Edward clasped my arm with his hand and led me out into the blistering cold air.

He dragged me along with him to his car and paused by the passenger door but did not open it for me. Instead he turned from me and stared unseeingly down the street.

"Why were you talking to him?" he asked, almost emotionlessly.

"He's my friend," I replied in a small voice. He was scaring me.

Slowly, his head turned so that his blazing eyes could meet mine. "We have to talk."

This was something I knew all too well, but this hardly seemed the time or place. "Edward, it's New Year's and –"

"I don't care," he cut me off, unlocking the door for me.

"I should drive," I pointed out hesitantly.

Edward sighed but handed me the keys and plopped himself into the passenger seat.

I had no choice but to hop in and drive us to my empty house.

* * *

After I fumbled nervously with the front door lock for a good five minutes, Edward slid in and made his way up to my bedroom. I followed reluctantly.

By the time I made it into my room, Edward was sitting on my bed patiently. A picture of me and Alice from high school was in his hands. He put it back on my bedside table and looked at me, really looked at me, for the first time in a long time.

"I missed you," I blurted out. It sounded silly and for a moment I thought he was going to laugh at me. But of course Edward knew what I meant.

"Me, too." He sounded tired, defeated.

I sat down next to him on the bed and took his hand. "I didn't want you to come to England. That's why I've been acting weird."

Edward's eyes closed and he exhaled. We sat in crushing silence for a few moments before he said, "That's what I figured."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It's not you."

"Do you still not want me to come?"

I didn't answer. The truth was, I didn't really know. Was I worried now because I could lose him? Could I give him a faithful answer? Yes, I wanted him to come but did I think it was the best thing for me and my education? My future? Edward shifted beside me and I heard him open his mouth to say something.

"I want you to come," I said finally. I was relieved to find that it was easy for me to say. It was because I finally meant it.

"Do you really, Bella?" Edward asked in a flat, detached tone. He didn't believe me.

"Yes," I said as forcefully as I could. "I don't want to lose you."

His eyes opened slowly and he looked so _tired_. There were heavy shadows underneath his dull eyes and it killed me to know I put them there with my uncertainties. He had noticed my distance, after all. Of _course_ he did; he was the other part of me.

"I don't want you to tell me to come with you because you're afraid it'll be the end of us if I don't."

"Will it be?" I asked slowly, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Of course not," Edward said immediately and I didn't doubt him. "_You_ were acting weird," he told me. "I couldn't figure out why. It occurred to me it had something to do with England. You seemed rather gloomy when we talked about it."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

Edward sighed and put his arm around me. "It's okay, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't want to talk about this sooner. I thought you wanted to break up with me so I was avoiding this talk for as long as I could."

I was surprised; I hadn't realized how off I'd been acting. I felt even worse.

Edward took my silence as something else entirely. "Do you?" he suddenly asked me in a whisper.

"Do I what?"

"Want to… break up with me?"

"_No!_ Of course not!"

Edward sighed again and kissed the top of my head. I pulled away to meet his eyes. "I can't believe all the misunderstandings we have. It's like we're doomed."

"We're just difficult," Edward said with a small smile. He kissed my lips softly. His usual sweetness was mixed with some alcohol.

"I love you."

Edward grinned, that gorgeous grin, and I felt better than I had in weeks. "I love you, too. Don't pull that distant shit with me again."

I grinned back. "Don't pull that silent, brooding shit with me again, either."

Edward pecked my lips. "Deal. From now on we communicate."

I glanced over at my alarm clock and said, "Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy New Year."

He looked over at the clock and smiled. "Happy New Year."

"To a year of communication."

Edward laughed. "And to a year of _this_."

Before I could ask him what, his lips were on mine. He pushed me gently back and up so that my head could rest on the pillows. His hands moved up and down my sides, sending pleasant, warm tingles throughout my body. It had been so long since Edward touched me at all that each point of contact was mind-blowing. I was panting and Edward hadn't done anything but kiss me!

"I've missed this," he told me as he caressed my stomach with one hand.

I took his other hand and worshipped each finger with my lips. "I'm sorry. For everything."

He put his forehead against mine and closed his eyes as he inhaled my scent. "I love you."

"What will we do about London?" I asked, my voice shaking with anxiety.

Edward exhaled deeply but kept his eyes shut. "We'll figure it out."

And then he kissed me. We didn't talk anymore during the night. In no time we were asleep in each other's arms, both feeling slightly lighter than before.


	14. Promises, Promises, and More Promises

The next morning, everything looked better. The first sight my tired eyes saw was Edward leaning on his elbow, smiling down at me and looking at me like I was glittering gold. I imagine I looked back at him with the same expression. To me, Edward _was_ gold.

"Good morning," I whispered, raising a hand to trace the side of his face.

Edward smirked. "More like good _afternoon_, Sleeping Beauty. You're lucky Charlie never poked his head in here before he went to work."

"More like _you're_ lucky."

"Good point," he smiled. Then his face turned serious. "We need to talk some more."

I groaned. "I'm so sick of talking. But I know, I know – we need to."

Sighing, Edward sat up and rested against the headboard. "I suppose we should start with why you _didn't_ want me to come to England with you."

"I don't know, myself," I admitted after a pause, toying with the edge of the sheet. "I guess it just felt like too much, too fast." I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. "I was just getting used to us as a couple… All of a sudden you were coming across the water with me on a trip that… originally was supposed to just be about me." Edward tried to control his face but I saw the sadness in his eyes. I stroked his face and closed my own eyes. "I realize now how stupid I was being. We're in a _relationship_. It's not just about _me_."

"But what you think and feel matters, Bella."

My eyes opened and I nodded. "I want you to come to England with me. I'd miss you desperately if you weren't by my side, supporting me."

"I can still support you from here," Edward pointed out. "I'd call you every day… multiple times."

"That's not the same as having you with me," I whispered.

Edward smiled and kissed my nose. "It's my turn to confess." He, too, took a deep breath before beginning. "I was feeling insecure. I was adjusting to us being together, too, and in the process I think I ended up coming on too strong. It's good for us to be able to do things by ourselves, to have our time apart. I'll miss you desperately, as well, but you need this. And I need to work and save up some cash." He sighed and wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "I don't know how I'll survive being so far away from you, but it's only three weeks. It'll feel like an eternity but it's only three weeks. And I trust you. I don't think I did at first, or trusted 'us' together, but now_ I_ realize how stupid _I_ was being. And unfair. I love you, Bella, and I'll love you no matter where you are or what you do."

I was speechless and so in love.

"I love you," I breathed, wrapping my arms around his waist.

Edward kissed me fervently but I didn't let it get too deep, what with my morning breath and all. He groaned but understood and let me get up and hop into the shower. As I lathered up my body, I wished he'd join me but I figured he felt that our "new" first time together shouldn't be in the shower (as hot as that would be). Still, I firmly intended on having a taste of Edward Cullen again before I left.

It had been far too long.

* * *

I only had three more days before I left. It was a Friday and Edward and I had already planned on having dinner and going to the movies. I decided to make as much of the evening as I could.

Edward came around dinnertime to pick me up. Of course he looked absolutely mouthwatering and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to jump him right there on my stoop.

As he led me to his car, he held me close and whispered in my ear. "You look ravishing, as always."

"You, too," I said with a smile, trying hard not to snort at the absurdity of Edward saying something like that to me with the way he looked.

"Tonight you're mine, Isabella Swan. In _every_ way." Then he opened up the door for me and suppressed a smile over the (I'm sure) absolutely ridiculous, dumbfounded expression on my face.

It took me a few moments before I realized he was still standing there, holding the door open, no longer bothering to hide the grin playing at his delicious lips. The cold jarred me and somehow I stumbled into the passenger seat. I could hear him laughing as he walked around the car

He gracefully slid into his own seat, still slightly chuckling. With a smirk, he looked over at me. "And Isabella… I mean what I say." His green, twinkling eyes travelled down and up my body, sending tingles down my spine and right to the place that wanted him most. "I will have you tonight. _All_ of you."

With that, he twisted the key in the ignition and sped off to God knows where.

All I knew was Edward was apparently "having" me tonight and I couldn't help but picture it. It didn't help that I had very lucid memories of our last coupling to help spur the already out of control flames of my unending desire.

It was going to be a very long night, indeed.


	15. L'Amour

I'm so happy I'm getting this up just in time for Valentine's Day. I don't know about you, but I'm in need of some fluffacious lemon delights. These past few weeks have been rough and my favorite fics have all been in different stages of heartbreak lately. Writing this cheered me up (as did some wine, but shhh).

First of all, I apologize for any and all errors in this chapter. I was drinking wine while writing it (and this) and pretty tipsy by the end of it. When I went back over it quickly, I noticed that I was writing words like "breath" instead of "breast", etc. and just repeating words/adjectives in general. You know how it is. Maybe when you're finished reading this A/N and the chapter, you'll know what I mean.

Second of all, thank you to everyone who reviews me. I don't always get back to everyone because I literally don't understand technology, but I read every one and they cheer me up and inspire me more than anything. Some people have expressed some concerns about some more major dramz/jealousy issues/3rd parties affecting B & E's relationship. Don't worry! They've been through enough in that regard. There are a few chapters left, and though I don't think they're all going to be 100 percent chipper, nothing/no one is going to mess with their relationship. Right now, I'm writing another story that is majorly depressing in the beginning, so I can't even THINK about bringing any more sadness into this one.

Third of all, I highly suggest you all check out SpyKid18's (Elizabeth18, I believe, on Twilighted) stories. I have so many favorite fics out there, but lately her stuff has been cheering me up majorly. She has some stories on Twilighted that she doesn't have on here (one is a Rob Pat fic... I'll admit that those RL fics creep me out for the most part, but her story- Lack of Color- is just amazing).

3894894823x of all, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think!

I love you all! Happy Valentine's Day!

* * *

We pulled up to an elegant French restaurant that I had heard was delicious but pricey. I gave Edward a look but said nothing as he helped me out of the car.

The restaurant was crowded but quiet, like almost all fancy restaurants are. The maître d', who looked positively _thrilled _with his job, brought us over to our table in a dark corner of the room. I thought I saw the bored-looking man wink at Edward but when I turned my head to watch his retreat, he looked as animated as a hemorrhoid.

A waiter walked over and Edward ordered us a bottle of wine in smooth French. He then ordered us something to eat, but I only made out the word _poulet _throughout the whole spiel. I was relieved that we were getting chicken. One time the Cullens brought us out to a French restaurant and Edward's grandfather insisted we all order duck. It was a memorable evening to be sure.

The memory made me smile, which of course Edward noticed. "What's so amusing?" he asked with a smirk of his own.

"I was just thinking about the time your grandfather brought us all out to dinner."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes. If I knew bringing you here would dredge up _that_ unpleasant memory, I would have brought you to Casa Mia."

Our red wine was placed before us and I took a big sip with a shrug. "I didn't throw up for all that long. Just an hour or two until every last trace of duck was out of my system."

"No duck. Ever again," Edward promised with a melting smile. Heat tingled through my body but I disregarded it as a side effect of the wine.

"I probably shouldn't be drinking this," I said, changing the subject. "The last time I drank wasn't pretty."

"Oh, I don't know," Edward said casually, "I thought it was a pretty _good_ evening." My face flushed when I realized his meaning. I definitely couldn't blame it on the wine this time, not with the way Edward's green eyes shimmered and twinkled in the romantic lighting or the way his voice sounded like pure sex. It would be an injustice. He chuckled a little at my expression, which he undoubtedly interpreted, and added, "Yes. Certainly a better memory than the _duck_."

I played with my napkin, suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't know. It _was_ a mistake." His eyes darkened and my words replayed in my head. "No, not like that! Thank God we're together now. I just mean that… well, I was drunk. I hate thinking that our first time together was when we were drunk."

"Isabella," Edward said, no humor left in his voice at all, "if what happened between us was a mistake, then I plan on making more of them."

"You don't consider it a mistake?" I asked shyly.

He snorted at me and shook his head, his expression hard. "No, I don't. I consider it the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank God Mike dumped you and broke your heart. Thank God you got so drunk that you didn't know your left foot from your right that night, otherwise it would have taken us that much longer to get together." He picked up his wine glass and smiled at me over it, his face losing all traces of fierceness. "Bella, if what happened was a mistake, then I'm glad it happened. It was my favorite mistake out of all the ones I ever made, and you of all people know I've made plenty."

I was speechless as he took a generous gulp from his glass and continued to smolder at me. My body felt like one big puddle, and though his words taken at face value could be considered kind of awkward (after all, to outsiders some of them might seem a tad insensitive), they warmed me from my heart to my toes.

"You think we would have gotten together eventually if it hadn't have happened?" I asked softly, thinking over his words.

Edward put his wine glass down and stared at me. The waiter came over and placed our delectable looking dinners in front of us, but Edward's eyes never drifted from mine.

Once Philippe, or whatever his name was, went away, Edward leaned across the table and caressed my cheek.

"Without a doubt. If we hadn't gotten together yet, I would still be drifting around unhappy and incomplete. I would like to think that I'd be smart enough to realize that your presence was necessary. And once I got a taste of the ecstasy you would bring, I'd never let you go."

He picked up his fork and knife like he hadn't said the sexiest and most beautiful words to me ever. After gaping at him like a complete freak for a few minutes, I did the same. The chicken was literally the most delicious meal I'd ever had and I was glad that we ate in silence so the two of us could savor it. And so that I could play Edward's words over and over again in my head.

We were nearly finished when Edward cleared his throat. I looked up at him and he smiled seductively. "What?" I asked dumbly.

"I'm just thinking about how I'm going to prove my points to you."

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

He laughed softly to himself and leaned forward again conspiratorially. "All the points I made to you. All the promises. I'm going to make you so happy tonight, Bella, _so_ happy. I can't wait to see you beneath me again."

I choked a little on my potato.

"Won't you like that, Bella? Or would you prefer to be on top?"

An elderly gentleman sitting not too far away from us turned his head at Edward's words. I blushed but couldn't deny the thrill running through me at the delicious indecency of it all.

Edward noticed the man's stare and grinned at him. "Good evening, sir," he purred.

The man just nodded in response but continued to stare at us. It was making me fidget, no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

"This is my girlfriend, Bella," Edward said, still looking at the man. I squinted my eyes at him, trying to convey that I wanted him to just_ stop _and eat his dinner. He merely grinned wider at me and looked back at the man who was now watching us unabashed interest. Really, I couldn't get was so fascinating about us. Some people just liked to stare, especially when they heard special keywords in someone else's conversation, but they usually turned away when they realized they'd been noticed. Apparently this guy just didn't care.

"And guess what, sir?"

"What?" the old man asked, actually speaking.

"I'm going to make passionate love to her tonight."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands and wouldn't look up until Edward paid the check.

* * *

Edward drove us back to our apartment, replaying our interaction with the old man from the restaurant. After the fifth recitation, involving an exaggeration of my reaction, I begged him to stop. I could tell he was starting another round but luckily we pulled into his parking lot. The energy around us instantly changed and Edward appeared to no longer be interested in recounting the humiliating event.

Instead, he began to undress me with his eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly, his green eyes tenderly danced across my body, lingering on my face and breasts. I did my own evaluation, focusing much too long on his jaw. It sounds silly, but one of the sexiest things to me is a strong jaw. Edward's was the finest specimen I'd ever seen and literally made me hot whenever he clenched it or swallowed.

Tonight, for some reason, I couldn't be bothered with thinking myself as a pervert. The jaw was Edward's, and everything of Edward's deserved to be worshipped.

We sat in the silent car for what felt like hours as we delighted ourselves in studying one another's body. Finally Edward got out of the car and assisted me out of my side.

"I can't wait anymore," Edward whispered in my ear.

I tried not to shiver, really I did, because all of that stuff is so clichéd in my opinion. But damn it, I shivered anyway. _You_ try not to shiver when Edward Cullen is referring to his impatience regarding having sex with you.

He held my hand as we walked up his steps. As he unlocked his door, his eyes were on fire with vows of what was to come.

I'm ashamed to admit I nearly came right there, right in the hallway with chipped paint and neglected newspapers from months ago. Without one single touch from Edward. Without so much as a dirty word.

Thankfully I made it inside, hot and bothered but not completely out of control.

Edward spun around and threw off his coat. He took measured steps over to where I stood frozen and smiled at me. I couldn't take my eyes off his lips as he unbuttoned my own coat and draped it over his arm.

He kissed my cheek and whispered, "Go wait for me in the bedroom."

Surprisingly, despite my nerves, I managed to walk briskly across the room. Just before I reached the hallway leading to his room, Edward called my name. I stopped but didn't turn, afraid that if I actually _did _meet his gaze again, I'd lose myself completely.

"I expect you to be naked under the covers by the time I get in there." His voice had a hint of playfulness but overall it was commanding. Authoritative.

I loved it.

I ran into his dark room and ripped off my clothes savagely, shaking with thoughts of what was about to happen. Edward and I hadn't had sex since we became a couple and I was leaving soon. I wanted tonight to be incredible, and considering who my significant other was, I didn't doubt it would be.

I had just slipped beneath the covers when Edward strolled in, still completely dressed. He smirked at me as he began to undress silently at the foot of the bed, his dark eyes locked on mine. My eyes, which usually never left his when he stared at me like that, watched his hands greedily as they quickly took off his dress shirt and slacks. Then he walked around, dressed only in his boxers, and climbed onto the bed next to me.

His hand reached out hesitantly, like if he moved too fast I'd run away. How silly. It stroked my covered thigh and I could just make out Edward's face in the darkness.

"You're sure?"

"Positive," I breathed.

"You want me?" Edward asked his question seriously but I could detect the lust hidden in his words. Did he want to talk dirty? Or did he really need validation?

I almost laughed at the thought but answered seriously. Devoutly.

"More than anything."

"Bella," he sighed as he tugged off his boxers and moved under the sheets beside me. "I want to be inside you."

My heart pounded and I just knew tonight was going to be special. The first time Edward and I had sex, I was too drunk to savor it. The second time it was tainted with insecurities and hurt.

This time, it was bounding with love.

There would be no mistakes here. Just love. Just me and Edward.

"I want you," I whispered.

Edward kissed my hair. "I love you." It didn't sound like a declaration, or an empty phrase, or anything like that at all. It just sounded like a promise.

"I love you, too."

We didn't speak again. Edward shifted so that he was on top of me and even through the darkness we managed to find each other's eyes. In one fluid motion, Edward was inside of me. The rest of world melted away into blackness while Edward and I were illuminated in whites and warm reds and golden greens.

With each thrust, Edward was deeper. With each breath, I felt Edward closer to my heart. With each moan, we were one.

It felt so good, as I knew it would, and I silently urged Edward to move faster with my hips. He understood and began to move quicker inside of me, still keeping most of his weight off of me. I wanted to feel him, though, feel him everywhere, so I pushed on his back with my hands to lower him down. Again, he understood me though no words were spoken. He let some of his weight down and I'd never felt so happy in my life. Tears slid from the corners of my eyes but I ignored them.

Edward was grunting and making noises of pleasure as I panted and heaved beneath him, lifting to meet him each time. It was all I'd ever wanted and yet it wasn't enough. I needed more. My lips blindly sought out his and, unsurprisingly, we found each other. Our kiss was hot but sweet and soon we were moaning wildly into one another's mouths.

One hand of his moved down to tease my already excited flesh while the other gently but firmly caressed my breast. It wouldn't be long now, I was sure of it. Edward's thrusts had taken on a desperate edge and his length hardened and trembled inside me.

The flames were chasing me and I knew I wouldn't be able to outrun them much longer.

After one powerful, purposeful thrust, my world erupted around me. Judging from the scream of ecstasy and the shudder of completion coming from Edward, I assume the same happened to him.

He came inside me, long and hard, as his body shook on top of me. My own legs shook around him from my unbelievable orgasm. The two of us held onto one another for a long time afterward, anchoring ourselves to the happiness and love.

And I just knew, just knew, that no matter what came, we'd never let go.

We said nothing to each other when Edward finally lifted off of me and pulled me to his chest. For once in my life, words were unnecessary.

For the first time I could remember, I had the most amazing conversation. And it had been completely silent.

There was just _so_ much love. No words can express it. If I were to tell you, to _really_ tell you, I would ruin it. It was the kind of love, the kind of connection, that can never be explained or rationalized with words.

We fell asleep soon after and when we awoke the next morning, our arms were still firmly clasped around one another. We truly were one.

Finally.


	16. Soon Isn't Soon Enough

It was the night before my flight to England and I was on Edward's bed, trying hard not to let the scent of his bed sheets or the memory of earlier in the day when Edward and I had sex in his downstairs bathroom lull me into a weird hypnotic state.

It was especially imperative that I keep my wits about me, considering that this was my last night with Edward for three weeks.

And we were fighting.

About The Godfather.

"Really, Bella," he huffed, rolling his eyes and glaring at his small TV across the room, "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"I'm not going to apologize for thinking the second one is better."

He looked over at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Seriously. You can't make me."

His flawless lips curled up into a sneer and I knew I was done for. Shit.

"Oh? Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," I whispered but I sounded as convincing as Pinocchio.

I barely had a chance to screech out "Michael Corrleone" before Edward was on top of me, pressing me down into his firm mattress.

"Would you like to refute your statement now?" he asked with a wicked grin. He knew this was equal parts pissing me off and turning me on.

"No," I hissed, arching my back and raising my hips into his erection in the process. Oops.

He glared at me but did not sway from trying to correct me. "I really think you should reconsider that." He lifted my arms up with his hands that were clenched with mine and then lightly smacked them back down. Oh, my God. I wouldn't be able to resist him for long.

"Think about Fredo," I pleaded. "Think about when Michael kisses him. Or at their mother's funeral when he hugs him but nods to the hitman."

Edward snorted and shook his head. "What about when Michael tells Carlo to never, ever lie to him at the end of the first movie? That is fucking amazing genius right there."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I said with squinted eyes. "Now get off me!"

Edward's hand was in between my thighs before I could even register the move. His fingers dipped into my wetness and he looked at me in mock disbelief. Amusement was dancing in his eyes and I simultaneously wanted to punch him and kiss him.

"Are you sure you want me to get off of you, Bella? Because your pussy disagrees with that statement." He leaned down and blew into my ear. "I'd say it disagrees _strongly_ with your request."

Damn it! He always wins.

"Edward…" I moaned and he knew instantly that he had triumphed.

He tried not to smirk as he started to rip off my clothes but he failed. I rolled my eyes but said nothing as I reached to undress him, too, and soon we were kissing one another frantically. Our heated (albeit, ridiculous) argument had excited the two of us and we both knew foreplay wouldn't really be necessary.

Somewhere in the span of time it took him to unclasp my bra, the dynamic between us changed and we no longer were attacking each other's mouths like primitive savages.

Our kisses turned tender – no less passionate and lustful – and demanding. It wasn't just about the sex. The two of us knew, without speaking, that this would be the last dialogue our bodies would have with one another in a while.

I peered into Edward's eyes and saw everything I ever needed to know in them. For a horrible second I thought he was going to cry but he blinked hard and then smiled at me.

"I love you."

I never got tired of hearing those words.

* * *

I said bye to everyone the next day.

Jasper, surprisingly, hugged me first and whispered in my ear that he'd miss me very much.

"I love you like you're my own sister," he told me and I'm not ashamed to say the sentiment made me tear up a little. "You're the best friend and, for all intents and purposes, sister of the love of my life. You make her happy, and you make my best friend happy. It's going to be really sad around here with you gone."

I stepped back from him, feeling a little awkward, and wiped my eyes quickly. "Thanks, Jasper. I love you and I'm going to miss you, too."

He smiled at me and then took a step back.

Charlie was watching me peculiarly but then he sighed and wrapped me in the tightest hug he'd ever given me. "Watch out for yourself, kid."

"I will," I promised, shocked at his public display of affection.

"Have a safe trip." He stepped back with a nod and started playing with his car keys. I could see he was uncomfortable, so I just nodded back and looked over at Alice who was already sobbing like a maniac.

"I'm not going to be gone that long, Alice, and I'll call you every day," I said right away, trying to assuage some of the sadness.

She moved her head up and down slowly in a sign of acceptance but the tears kept rolling down her face. She hugged me ferociously with all of her strength – which was a lot, surprisingly – and kissed my cheek.

"I miss you already."

She went over to Jasper and buried her face into his chest. He rubbed up and down her arms and whispered soothing words into her hair. God, you'd think I was never coming back or something. I was touched, regardless, and feeling a little silly to admit I felt pretty much the same way she did.

Then I looked over to my savior and nearly decided to rip up my plane ticket.

He took a step away from the uncomfortable bunch and said, "Come here."

I followed him away a few paces and stopped when he turned around. His eyes were glassy and he looked… the most disturbed I'd ever seen him.

"I love you," he said seriously in a tone that dared anyone to question him.

"I know. I love you, too."

The word 'love' sounded so weak in comparison to the almost stifling emotion I felt for Edward but it would just have to do. It was like how you translated words into other languages; sometimes the meanings matched and sometimes you had to offer up a word that was somewhat close in meaning.

He stepped closer to me and kissed my forehead. "Love you." His gorgeous lips moved down and he kissed the tip of my nose. "Love you." Then he finally met my lips and gave me a kiss to remember. When he finally pulled away – his strong chest heaving, desperately trying to catch up on the needed oxygen – he smiled softly and whispered, "Love you."

I started to cry like the hypocritical idiot that I am and he huddled me close to him. "Shhh, sweetheart. Stop crying."

"I can't," I blubbered. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Words can't express how I'll miss you, Bella, and they can't even begin to cover how I feel for you. But it's going to be all right."

"I know," I sniffled, trying not to get any kind of moisture on Edward's beautiful shit.

"And think of it, Bella," he whispered with a smile, "think of the mindblowing sex we'll have when we see each other again."

I burst out laughing and kissed his lips softly. "I love you."

I looked at the rest of my farewell party and smiled faintly. "I'll see you all soon."

And then I couldn't delay the inevitable anymore. Edward walked outside with me, having planned to be the one to drive me to the airport.

He drove as I fiddled around with the radio stations. We didn't talk but I could feel the tension and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

"I change my mind. Take me back."

Edward smiled and squeezed my hand but kept his eyes on the road ahead. "You'd be sorry."

"Would not," I protested like a bratty kid, but I knew he was right.

London was going to be amazing and I already knew I would obtain a wealth of knowledge and experience from my trip. I wasn't going to have to stay with some strange family; instead, I'd be staying in a dorm room with a girl my age. I'd regret not going, I knew that. But as I gazed at Edward's profile, I also knew how much I was going to miss him. I hadn't even left yet and the ache was already spreading through my chest.

I glanced around and saw we were almost to the airport.

"Thank God Alice is so bad with goodbyes," I said, desperate to say something before I got even sadder. "I'm glad we got to spend this time alone."

Edward still wouldn't look at me. "She's probably pacing around the house, hating herself for not coming."

I laughed but it sounded as artificial as it felt.

Of course he picked up on it and the pressure of his hand on mine tightened. "You'll be back before you know it."

"And then Charlie," I added, trying to change the subject. "He's even worse with goodbye. He acted like he forgot he was supposed to work today."

Edward said nothing and I let the silence envelop us for a few minutes until it was too much.

"I'm going to miss you so much," I whispered, begging myself not to cry. I didn't want to cry, not yet. Not in front of Edward.

"Me too. But it'll go fast. I promise." He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed me softly.

We were silent for a few more minutes until Edward got off on the exit for the airport.

"Seriously, Edward, take me home."

"Stop tempting me," he sighed.

"I'm dead serious."

He sighed again but said nothing. He didn't turn the car around, either.

"This experience isn't worth it to me, honestly. I don't know how I'm going to deal with being apart from you."

The annoying ticking sound of the blinker went on as he turned into the airport parking lot.

"Are you deaf? I want to go home." I wasn't feeling fear anymore; I was feeling absolute panic.

As he sped up to my terminal, I smacked his shoulder. "Take me home!"

"No," he finally muttered. "I will not be the reason you pass up on this opportunity."

"Ugh, I'll make my own decisions, thank you! _And I want to go home!_"

He parked the car and looked at me. "You're just scared. Everything is going to be fine."

Then the tears began and I couldn't stop them. I felt so ridiculous, so immature, but I couldn't stifle the shuddering, shaking sobs.

And like the best boyfriend on the planet, Edward took me into his arms and let me cry there for a bit. After a little while, he pulled back and brushed some wet hair from my face. I tried not to think about how disgusting I probably looked.

"It's time. You don't want to miss your flight."

"I don't want to lose you," I finally said.

Edward's eyes shone and, for a moment, I thought he was going to start crying, too. "You won't. I don't want to lose you, either, but I know you've gotta go. You know it, too."

"I just feel like… I finally have you. And I feel like things are finally falling into place and now of all times I have to leave."

"Bella, what I feel for you just isn't going to vanish. You know this. I don't even think this is about _me_ anymore." He kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly. "Don't stop yourself from something amazing. I did, once, and I regret all the time I wasted ever since."

"What did you stop yourself from?" I asked curiously, still sniffling like a fool.

"From being happy with you."

I kissed his chest and cried harder. Edward fumbled around with some papers, trying to find me a Kleenex, but it was hopeless. He looked so lost that I had to laugh and then our moment was over. We both stumbled out of the car, as if in a daze, and marched to the airport with my two modest suitcases.

I didn't protest anymore because what Edward said was true: my hesitance wasn't about him anymore. I didn't want to be away from him, that was certain. As a matter of fact, the thought of it almost made me feel like I was dying. But I knew I'd survive it because I'd know the whole time I had him to go home to and he'd be waiting for me and loving me. What I was really afraid of was living just for me, of finally being an adult—like everybody else is. And that was exactly why I had to do this.

Edward waited for me as I checked in my bags and grabbed a coffee. He wasn't going to wait with me until I took off, mainly because he couldn't walk past the security checkpoint with me but also because, like Alice, he was terrible with goodbyes.

"Be safe," he said, almost like an order. I smirked a little but his glare stopped me from giggling. "I'm serious. If you come back with even a tiny little bruise, I'll be severely pissed at you."

"I love you," was all I could say.

He smiled breathtakingly and I memorized it, adding it to the reel of spectacular moments with Edward I intended to replay in my mind until we were together again.

"I love you, too." And then in a move quite uncharacteristic for Edward, he grabbed me and kissed me. It was a fierce, possessive, hot kiss. It wasn't goodbye, it was _I love you and I'll be sexing you up soon enough_. I thought back to his promise of "welcome back sex" when I got home and blushed the reddest yet.

He finally pulled back and grinned sheepishly at me. He looked around, partly embarrassed but also partly smug, and then kissed me again. It was softer than the first but just as passionate.

When I was younger, I could never imagine that I would feel this way about someone. The idea of just one person for life seemed pretty ludicrous to me, especially since it didn't work for my parents. Even when my huge crush on Edward developed and I fantasized about being with him, the thought that he was _it_ never truly entered my mind (consciously, anyway). It was only until he was mine and I was truly his that it came to me that he was everything. Always.

"Soon," he whispered. And then he was gone.

Though it killed me to turn around and walk away, his promise gave me all the strength I needed. So I turned with determination and marched over to my future, thinking about how it would bring me that much closer to all my dreams. And to my dreams of Edward.

* * *

I'd like to like and say I was a strong, independent woman who didn't mope at all over the next few days but I can't. In fact, I sobbed so hard the whole plane ride that one of the stewardesses told me there was a flight back a few hours after we landed.

When I arrived at the airport, I saw there was a shuttle that would be taking me over to the dorms. I felt a small surge of excitement, but overall I was tired and cranky and snotty. I needed a shower and a nap.

A small girl was waiting for me in the check-in area, holding a huge sign that read "Bella".

"I'm Bella," I told her shyly. "Nice to meet you."

She smiled back and introduced herself as Anna. "I have to apologize to you now," she told me as we walked to the room, "the place is a sty. I meant to clean it, really I did, but I have the worst headache in the world. I drank one too many last night."

"It's okay," I laughed.

We chatted a bit as we walked across campus. I liked her immediately but I still couldn't shake off my gloomy "I miss home" cloud.

The dorm was nice but, as promised, incredibly messy. I was thankful we weren't permanent roommates or anything like that. Sometimes Alice was careless but never like this. What looked like months old oatmeal was stuck in bowls, blackened banana peels hung over the sides of her dresser and bedside table, glasses with moldy looking liquids adorned most of the room, and clothes were wrinkled together in massive lumps.

After she showed me around a bit, she gave me an appraising look and asked, "Homesick?"

I debated lying but decided in the end it didn't matter; she was only asking to be polite. My misery was probably written all over me. "Terribly."

"I don't blame you," she said sympathetically, "but you need to take advantage of where you are! In a few days you'll forget all about it."

I laughed good-naturedly but I obviously wasn't convinced.

"Got a boyfriend?" she asked as she started putting away some of her clothing.

"Yes," I muttered, feeling quite sorry for myself.

"Oh, tell me about him!"

So I did, since I was thinking about him, anyway. She listened attentively and laughed along with me as I told her about our past, about asshole Mike, about our disastrous Thanksgiving dinner, about how clueless we were for so long. And suddenly I felt a little better and I realized I owed it all to this girl I hardly knew.

"Thanks," I said seriously after we drifted into a silence.

She looked up at me as she folded a stained sweater and grinned. "No problem. I've been there. Love's a crazy thing."

* * *

And so the weeks went by. Flew by, if I were to be honest, like everyone promised. The classes I took were amazing and I was so busy that I barely had time to brood. I only spoke to Edward a few times because it actually hurt to hear his voice and not see his face. He told me he had gotten a job at a restaurant that was closer to his school and was earning a lot of money. I could tell from his voice he missed me, but I was glad he was keeping busy, too. Alice and I spoke a few times and she ensured me she wasn't letting him sulk too much.

Then suddenly it was the day I was leaving and I was hugging Anna goodbye.

"Take care of yourself," she told me, "and make sure to keep in touch."

"I will," I promised, feeling a little sad that I'd probably never see her again.

"And take care of that boyfriend. He's probably going to tackle you to the floor right in the airport as soon as he sees you, so do right by him."

I laughed. "I think it's actually going to be the other way around."

* * *

I glared at the stewardess, wondering what was taking so long. She caught my glance and looked appropriately creeped out by my intensity. She fidgeted a little and explained that we were "docking". If I wasn't feeling such anticipation, anxiety, and frustration, I probably would have burst out laughing.

Once we were free, I literally ran through the airport, ignoring the stares and the cat calls. All I knew was my family, my friends and my Edward were waiting and _I _couldn't wait another second.

Then I saw them. Edward was pacing anxiously by a vending machine, Alice was jumping up and down because she'd already spotted me, and everyone else was more or less waiting calmly in a line for me. My parents were standing in front of everyone. Rosalie and Emmett were there, too, surprisingly.

I reached Renee first and practically knocked her over. "You look good, sweetie," she told me. "Real good."

"Missed you, kid," Charlie mumbled. He gave me an awkward hug that made me giggle.

Then Emmett tackled me as Rosalie daintily patted my hand. Jasper got to me afterwards and Alice very nearly knocked me out. It was good to be back.

Finally my eyes met Edward's. He was standing a little back, watching the spectacle we were making with a small contented smile. I was aware of everyone's eyes on us as I walked over to him but I didn't care because before I could blink he had me wrapped in his arms and I was home again.

"Finally," he whispered in my ear.

I couldn't have agreed more.

* * *

I nearly cried with joy when I saw Edward had taken his own car. He told me he had arranged it with everyone else that there would be no welcoming party or anything like that. He said he did it because he knew I would have hated it (which was indisputably true), but I couldn't help but feel that he did it for himself, too. I sure as hell wasn't complaining--the very thought thrilled me. I hugged and kissed everyone and then plopped into his car, anxious to be completely alone with him.

Unfortunately, Alice tapped on my window and continued chatting with me about this and that. I watched her with amusement, so glad to be back. I couldn't really be mad at her.

"And then he actually cut me off! Can you believe that?"

I looked over at Edward and had to desperately try not to laugh. His impatience was all over him. He ran his hand furiously through his hair and glared at Alice.

"We're leaving now, Alice. Say goodbye."

She pouted at him but blew me a kiss and hopped off with Jasper.

I turned to joke about it but the expression on his face cut me off short.

His eyes, glittering with lust and excitement, roamed up and down my body a few times. Then they met mine. He didn't smile.

"Soon," he promised with a nod.

I had a feeling Edward had his own personal welcoming party planned and I was flushed with my memories of the last time we'd been together. I blushed even redder, remembering his mention of the mindblowing sex we'd be having.

I had never seen Edward act like this before and the very idea of it made me want to go on another trip _soon_.

All I knew was—

_Welcome back, Bella._


	17. Favorite Mistakes

Sorry it took me forever to get this up… I got a bit sidetracked. I've decided this is the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed this little tale : )

When we last met, Edward was planning on ravaging Bella. And ravage her, he does... Fo sho.

* * *

The ride back to Edward's apartment was silent and charged. I was aware of every move he made, every breath he took, every glance he stole. He didn't bother turning on the radio, so the silence was even more noticeable. But I didn't mind; the only thing I cared about was getting up to Edward's apartment before he completely shredded my clothes.

He sped more than usual but I didn't bother to say anything. I wanted what he wanted. Still I was surprised when we pulled into the parking lot, not realizing how quickly the ride had taken.

Edward turned off the car and turned to stare at me. He moved his hand and watched as it grazed my cheek, stroked my throat, and landed on my chest. With the backs of his fingers, Edward ran down my breast, making sure to_ just_ miss my nipple.

Bastard.

I don't know if I actually said the word out loud, or if my expression told him what I was thinking, but Edward let out a low little sexy laugh that I felt in my thighs. He lowered his head and I raised mine to meet his lips, but at the last second he pulled away.

"If I kiss you now, I'll fuck you right here."

No thoughts would form. My brain officially shut off at that statement, unable to wrap itself around the hotness.

"I have no qualms about fucking you here…" he added, leaning down so that he could breathe into my ear, "but I wouldn't want to get caught because then I'd have to stop."

"Oh, God," I whispered.

Edward moved back and smirked. "My cock's not going to spend more than a minute outside your body tonight, Isabella."

_Jesus. _

Before I could moan, whimper, whine, or beg--or all of the above-- Edward hopped out of the car and came to my side to assist me. Walking was a foreign concept, so the man seriously picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. I must have looked totally flabbergasted, but Edward just laughed and ran to the elevator.

We weren't two steps into Edward's apartment before he ripped off my pants and opened his fly. He slammed the door shut and then pushed me into it as he struggled with boxers.

Once everything was ready, Edward wasted no time in entering me. The feeling was indescribable.

"Bella," he moaned desperately in my ear.

How I loved it when his normally silky voice became gritty and needy. It told me he needed me, wanted me, as much as I needed and wanted him. It's one thing to love someone so wholeheartedly; it's quite another to feel that love back just as strongly.

We were silent as he moved faster, all the passion and love communicated through our movements. Occasionally we called out one another's names as our hands roamed frantically.

Edward whispered "I love you" as he continued to move throughout both our orgasms, the sensation of his pulsating hips and the emotion of his words making it more intense than ever.

A few minutes later we calmed down and moved to the bedroom to delicately remove the rest of our clothes. Edward watched me the entire time, never taking his eyes from mine. Once we were completely naked, we stood there for a moment and I knew… I knew _for sure_ that Edward was it for me. And judging from the look in his eyes, he knew it, too.

* * *

Hours later I emerged from Edward's bedroom for a glass of water. He followed me out, wrapping his arms around me as I poured the water from the faucet. I smirked as I realized how whipped I had the poor boy. The Edward from a while back would have been appalled.

"Bella… I'm going to marry you one day soon," Edward whispered unexpectedly into my neck.

I tensed. "What?"

Edward kissed my neck. "One day… when you're done with school and I have money. You're going to marry me."

"Oh?" I asked playfully, hoping I didn't sound too frightened. As much as the prospect of marriage scared the shit out of me, my heart couldn't help but race at the thought of being married to Edward.

"Yep," he murmured, moving my underwear and sliding inside of me slowly with no preambles. Not that I minded.

"Mmm, Edward?" I moaned, collapsing against the counter.

"I told you…" he said matter-of-factly, "I get lonely if it's more than a minute."

Gasping, I tried to turn my head so I could face him. "Things will be awkward when we get married, then, huh?"

He kissed my back and quickened his pace. "_When_?"

Shit. "It could be a really big mistake," I half-moaned. "You and I always make mistakes when it comes to each other, Edward."

Despite the truth in my statement, I wondered why I was even bothering arguing the point. Edward always got what he wanted, and it was usually what I wanted, too. And I was not exactly opposed to being Edward's wife… Not at all.

"Bella," he laughed, stepping away to spin me around before entering me again, "when the hell will you realize that you and I work best when we make mistakes? Fuck, we'll be an awesome married couple."

He started moving faster and words were lost.

But I couldn't help but feeling like he was right.

When we were finished, he kissed my forehead and then whispered against my lips, "You're my life now." Then he kissed me. "And one day, very soon, you'll be my wife."

One day, indeed.

* * *

Thanks for reading, everybody! You're all fab. Let me know what you thought about the ending.


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